It Was A Dream...

[Just Write]

Originally Posted by Mr. J

Twisted deep into a spiral, the image was vital
needed...some say it was a gift, given from the bible
it made living and survival come with restrictions to hide you
because no one wants to see whats hidden inside you


this was a strong opener and i agree, nobody want to see whats inside you.. especially yourself. one of my deepest fears is to see myself how others view me (im probably an asshole)


so we abide to the rules, become bed ridden and trifle
imagine how it could be if you were lifted to my view...
a sinner's revival, dancing in the candle lit abyss
where the last hope to the world is handled with a kiss
see what you like, when you can, the rest is a dream or a lie
the truth if you see it, the rest you could seemlessly despise

this was pretty raw too, my only gripe is that seemlessly is not a word, you could have meant seamlessly but still it wouldn't fit given its definition


we could evenly divide the choices, set a goal, keep it in sight
wake up your paranoia to the point you believe with your eyes
where...was I? creeping aside, watching the weak and the blind
who fought every moment, here's a shot...keep it in mind
oh how pitiful...a sinner's revival...in the candle lit abyss
the last light...hope...blown out and handled with a kiss

kinda redundant using candle lit abyss and handled with a kiss twice, although i get the whole wrap around idea so i guess it works

i enjoyed this piece, wish it was a little longer and that you would have drawn some more emotion out of the dark feel to it but for what was there it was good, good technical skill and an advanced vocab. stay up man.

and if you get time can you peep my piece with serious g'lookin fam