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08-24-2018, 01:17 AM
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#1 |
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SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,031
Battle Record: 31-37
Champed - Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament
Rep Power: 4743547   |
illusion
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The longer you wear a mask the plaster stiffens and cracks until the wrinkles 'round your eyes reveal the links to your past Your tenderness is conscious, now it tempers militant acts Live with your facts; live with denial and live with the truth I've aged well. She's smart but I don't think this bitch is a sleuth... Hierarchies repeat; life advanced then knelt in retreat. If I was twenty-one I'd see myself right now as a creep But now I see myself at twenty-one as faggot and sheep I'm imitating black too much so I might do a multie Killing fakes with tomb punches to dicks cuz I'm stunting Welcome to New York sir, I can tell you're a sociopath But i'll make you this drink and talk, gift a tip with your tax Analyze, then ask a question, make you ease and relax No homo finance bro, I'm 'bout to weasel your cash Smile and wish you goodnight and wish you no slipstreams on ascent You didn't know I was a rascal who would dream you'd repent would dream you were being butchered by this fiend with a pen then raped anally alive...on some BDSM Fuck it though I'm srs bro, and I don't mean to be crime But I'm lion not to say this Columbia senior's a dime Babies grown, a web of is-ought professors galore I pause and look to see the state of my professors adored Then look upon the countenances of professors abhorred... as innocent geese fly over the peace of the moor. ,
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UNIFIED THEORY Last edited by NYCSPITZ; 08-24-2018 at 01:22 AM. |
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08-24-2018, 05:37 AM
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#2 |
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White Earl
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,354
Battle Record: 10-15
Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x)
Champed - Netcees Writers League
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Rep Power: 50036761  |
Didnt like this much tbh. Sry. Usually your top 5
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08-24-2018, 08:21 AM
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#3 |
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SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,031
Battle Record: 31-37
Champed - Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament
Rep Power: 4743547 |
thanks gen. mods plz close thread
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08-24-2018, 04:16 PM
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#4 |
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Brother
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 518
Rep Power: 4919695 |
This is what depression looks like
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I’m the true King Author, crowned or not
what I release is X caliber, it’s bound to rock |
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08-24-2018, 06:09 PM
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#5 | |
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obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,709
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599682 |
nyc go columbia?
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08-25-2018, 06:48 AM
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#6 |
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............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,934
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0   |
Lol @ close this shit after one cat doesn't feel it...grow up hombre.
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08-26-2018, 09:39 AM
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#7 |
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SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,031
Battle Record: 31-37
Champed - Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament
Rep Power: 4743547 |
I was parodying another member of the site, genius...
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UNIFIED THEORY |
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08-26-2018, 11:12 AM
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#8 | |
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obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,709
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599682 |
look, i like the way you think, but sometimes - i think, your writing becomes dense. now, i say dense to not use negative words like bad or trite, but, the first two lines are wonderful. they describe something, heavy usage of what and how, and they continue.
ive tried to stray away from traditional hip hop writing, confining things into stanzas, even with the use of enjambment and fragmented stanzas still, sometimes, leave alot to be said. Your tenderness is conscious, now it tempers militant acts tempers militant acts was a bit too stretchy for me. you said what you hzd to say but i think you said it with the thought of trying to rhyme the previous stanza... even if you wanted to say that, it seems almost as if you were forced to say something within that realm - pertaining to the previous lines schematic format. I try to avoid this nowadays because... i think writing and poetry should be personal, unless you're trying to just flex random rhyming muscles, or are competing. it becomes too tried and tired for me and it doesnt do anything for me anymore. Not saying this was bad, but i feel you might be doing the same. The things people can create on here without the need for rhyming is pretty stellar and insane stuff. hope you eventually do the same. Live with your facts; live with denial and live with the truth I've aged well. She's smart but I don't think this bitch is a sleuth... just doesnt do much for me. it just sounds like you're upset. just put anything out there. now i know when someone attacks me writing ill probably immediately go into the defensive or the apathetic. 'oh yeah, whatever i wasnt even really trying to finish that line and blah blah blah' and sometimes its true, sometimes i'll just not care. but, it just doenst seem to come from anything motivational. atleast the intent didnt seem like it was there. the rest seemed pretty onto par on what my breakdown was. you seemed to fake, almost. almost having too rhyme. don't just rhyme, man. just write. who cares about rhyming. we all know the top tier rhymers here can rhyme pretty well.. doesnt matter at this point imo lol. if you can branch out and push out some high tier content without having too be so rhyme centric i think you can have some good stuff on your hands. thx
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08-26-2018, 12:23 PM
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#9 |
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SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,031
Battle Record: 31-37
Champed - Write Night II
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Rep Power: 4743547 |
Cool thx
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08-27-2018, 01:08 AM
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#10 | |
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............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,934
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
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08-27-2018, 11:04 AM
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#11 |
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White Earl
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,354
Battle Record: 10-15
Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x)
Champed - Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8
Rep Power: 50036761 |
Nyc one of the best to grace this site. Dont get it confused.
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08-27-2018, 11:17 AM
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#12 |
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living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,485
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
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- Write Week V
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Rep Power: 77606679 |
Bookmarked
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Zack Wicks for president |
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08-27-2018, 11:42 AM
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#13 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 783
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584278 |
This was cool. I've read some god tier stuff from you in the past. This was a slick throw away verse with some cool lines here and there. I saw you say it was a parody in parts. Big Baby? Black? Eng? I'm not sure. I'm guessing Big Baby tho since you mentioned dead man and their two styles tend to favor. But idk. None of my business either way. Looking forward to the next drop.
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08-27-2018, 11:15 PM
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#14 | |
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............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,934
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
Firstly I've read a lot of your shit man, & have dropped feed on most...& if I remember correctly almost all has been positive so let's not get things twisted. I thought the first 10 or so lines were nice...def wouldn't say the rest is bad, just wasn't on par with what's before it imo...you have some awesome imagery in your pieces & here is no exception...your a way better lyricist than me so droppin' feed to you is irrelevant...but, just know my comments are real & I know your dope fam... Stay doin' you. |
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08-29-2018, 12:02 PM
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#15 |
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NJ Devil
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,036
Battle Record: Who Cares
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Rep Power: 84181420 |
Nah
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Bed stuy fly Bushwick sick East ny walk |
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08-29-2018, 12:48 PM
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#16 | ||
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obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,709
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599682 |
Quote:
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08-29-2018, 07:16 PM
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#17 |
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SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,031
Battle Record: 31-37
Champed - Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament
Rep Power: 4743547 |
Yeah just re read I didn't like it either. Hush is mad feminine tho and I'd easily re arrange his jaw on site so don't know why this phag is in my thread tbsrs.
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08-30-2018, 09:58 AM
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#18 | |
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NJ Devil
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,036
Battle Record: Who Cares
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Rep Power: 84181420 |
Quote:
You a dozen other niggas here talking about what they WOULD do and hiding they face Weirdo Keep doing ur internet parody thing
__________________
Bed stuy fly Bushwick sick East ny walk |
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08-30-2018, 12:43 PM
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#19 | |
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obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,709
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599682 |
b nice 2 each oder
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08-30-2018, 10:13 PM
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#20 | |
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SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,031
Battle Record: 31-37
Champed - Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament
Rep Power: 4743547 |
Quote:
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