illusion
 

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The longer you wear a mask the plaster stiffens and cracks
until the wrinkles 'round your eyes reveal the links to your past
Your tenderness is conscious, now it tempers militant acts
Live with your facts; live with denial and live with the truth
I've aged well. She's smart but I don't think this bitch is a sleuth...
Hierarchies repeat; life advanced then knelt in retreat.
If I was twenty-one I'd see myself right now as a creep
But now I see myself at twenty-one as faggot and sheep
I'm imitating black too much so I might do a multie
Killing fakes with tomb punches to dicks cuz I'm stunting
Welcome to New York sir, I can tell you're a sociopath
But i'll make you this drink and talk, gift a tip with your tax
Analyze, then ask a question, make you ease and relax
No homo finance bro, I'm 'bout to weasel your cash
Smile and wish you goodnight and wish you no slipstreams on ascent
You didn't know I was a rascal who would dream you'd repent
would dream you were being butchered by this fiend with a pen
then raped anally alive...on some BDSM
Fuck it though I'm srs bro, and I don't mean to be crime
But I'm lion not to say this Columbia senior's a dime
Babies grown, a web of is-ought professors galore
I pause and look to see the state of my professors adored
Then look upon the countenances of professors abhorred...
as innocent geese fly over the peace of the moor.






,

Didnt like this much tbh. Sry. Usually your top 5

thanks gen. mods plz close thread

This is what depression looks like

nyc go columbia?

Lol @ close this shit after one cat doesn't feel it...grow up hombre.

I was parodying another member of the site, genius...

look, i like the way you think, but sometimes - i think, your writing becomes dense. now, i say dense to not use negative words like bad or trite, but, the first two lines are wonderful. they describe something, heavy usage of what and how, and they continue.

ive tried to stray away from traditional hip hop writing, confining things into stanzas, even with the use of enjambment and fragmented stanzas still, sometimes, leave alot to be said.


Your tenderness is conscious, now it tempers militant acts

tempers militant acts was a bit too stretchy for me. you said what you hzd to say but i think you said it with the thought of trying to rhyme the previous stanza... even if you wanted to say that, it seems almost as if you were forced to say something within that realm - pertaining to the previous lines schematic format. I try to avoid this nowadays because... i think writing and poetry should be personal, unless you're trying to just flex random rhyming muscles, or are competing. it becomes too tried and tired for me and it doesnt do anything for me anymore. Not saying this was bad, but i feel you might be doing the same. The things people can create on here without the need for rhyming is pretty stellar and insane stuff. hope you eventually do the same.


Live with your facts; live with denial and live with the truth
I've aged well. She's smart but I don't think this bitch is a sleuth...

just doesnt do much for me. it just sounds like you're upset. just put anything out there. now i know when someone attacks me writing ill probably immediately go into the defensive or the apathetic. 'oh yeah, whatever i wasnt even really trying to finish that line and blah blah blah' and sometimes its true, sometimes i'll just not care. but, it just doenst seem to come from anything motivational. atleast the intent didnt seem like it was there.



the rest seemed pretty onto par on what my breakdown was. you seemed to fake, almost. almost having too rhyme. don't just rhyme, man. just write. who cares about rhyming. we all know the top tier rhymers here can rhyme pretty well.. doesnt matter at this point imo lol. if you can branch out and push out some high tier content without having too be so rhyme centric i think you can have some good stuff on your hands.


thx

Cool thx

Should've did my homework...I'll drop some feed when I can bro...

Nyc one of the best to grace this site. Dont get it confused.

Bookmarked

This was cool. I've read some god tier stuff from you in the past. This was a slick throw away verse with some cool lines here and there. I saw you say it was a parody in parts. Big Baby? Black? Eng? I'm not sure. I'm guessing Big Baby tho since you mentioned dead man and their two styles tend to favor. But idk. None of my business either way. Looking forward to the next drop.

I know...& didn't mean any disrespect @ all, I actually like NY's shit so movin' on...

Firstly I've read a lot of your shit man, & have dropped feed on most...& if I remember correctly almost all has been positive so let's not get things twisted.

I thought the first 10 or so lines were nice...def wouldn't say the rest is bad, just wasn't on par with what's before it imo...you have some awesome imagery in your pieces & here is no exception...your a way better lyricist than me so droppin' feed to you is irrelevant...but, just know my comments are real & I know your dope fam...

Stay doin' you.

Nah

clarify 4 me hush. interested in wot u have to say regarding this. aka expound on the nah

Yeah just re read I didn't like it either. Hush is mad feminine tho and I'd easily re arrange his jaw on site so don't know why this phag is in my thread tbsrs.

Pussy stop


You a dozen other niggas here talking about what they WOULD do and hiding they face


Weirdo
Keep doing ur internet parody thing

b nice 2 each oder

Aight imma make this real ez for you...find the nearest boxing gym in your trash puerto rican brooklyn ghetto, we could go headgear, gloves, even the dick protection. Three rounds, three minutes, @Amen comes through to film and referee, $1000 to the winner by decision or knockout to be posted on NCs. You put up a rack and i"ll put up a rack