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#1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 923
Battle Record: 25-26
Champed - NBL Cypher
Rep Power: 11169472 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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upping for feeds anyone?
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#2 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,956
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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good multis
and good flow through the majority, i thought. There is a middle section that I'm not too excited about. Cos missteps could get you trapped like a con immured So take steps of perfection beyond the flaws Faint hearts never betroth fair maids Before this section, And after this section, you seem to have a planned out rhyme scheme&meter.. But here I just don't see any rhymes on these 3 lines. Which isn't always a big deal, but I think it is here.. because of the format of what's before & after. *Maybe perfection beyond the flaws/ never betroth? But if that's the case it doesn't jive with the flow on the rest. And if you tell me you can rhyme con immured with beyond the flaws I will quit netcees. In fairness I love the next line's rhyme Take the first step without seeing the whole staircase so it kind of rescues it a bit. Although the theme and the title are about steps, I think you may have used the word 'steps' one too many times. I think you did a good job here for the most part (particularly some of your phrasing and endrhymes).. but those above critiques r also what i see. Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 05-06-2016 at 05:12 PM. Reason: * |
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