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Old 05-06-2016, 03:30 PM   #1
Maximus
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upping for feeds anyone?
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Old 05-06-2016, 04:57 PM   #2
Pharaohs Army
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good multis
and good flow through the majority, i thought.

There is a middle section that I'm not too excited about.

Cos missteps could get you trapped like a con immured
So take steps of perfection beyond the flaws
Faint hearts never betroth fair maids


Before this section, And after this section, you seem to have a planned out rhyme scheme&meter..

But here I just don't see any rhymes on these 3 lines.
Which isn't always a big deal, but I think it is here.. because of the format of what's before & after.

*Maybe perfection beyond the flaws/ never betroth?
But if that's the case it doesn't jive with the flow on the rest.
And if you tell me you can rhyme con immured with beyond the flaws I will quit netcees.

In fairness I love the next line's rhyme Take the first step without seeing the whole staircase so it kind of rescues it a bit.

Although the theme and the title are about steps, I think you may have used the word 'steps' one too many times.

I think you did a good job here for the most part (particularly some of your phrasing and endrhymes).. but those above critiques r also what i see.

Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 05-06-2016 at 05:12 PM. Reason: *
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