Netcees

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-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   Steps (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=123657)

Maximus 05-03-2016 05:36 PM

Steps
 
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step
That's how the Israelites coursed through the wilderness
And got to the Promised Land that flows with milk and honey
Take a step and advance in your field of study
I elevated because I stepped my game up
With the wrong steps you might end up in a maze stuck
Confused at the cross road, indecisive
Before you take some steps you need tips and guidance...
Step out of your chrysalis, awake from your slumber
With every step you take, new ways are discovered
A step could bridge the gap between the apex and under
Follow the due steps, avoid mistakes and blunders
Cos missteps could get you trapped like a con immured
So take steps of perfection beyond the flaws
Faint hearts never betroth fair maids
Take the first step without seeing the whole staircase
And walk by faith, putting your trust in the Father
Climb up, step on the next rung and go farther
Life is a process, as you age your mind grows
It took God seven steps to arrange the cosmos
On the road to prosperity, I step on the gas
Hoping my vehicle of success never dents in a crash
Step by step that's how you put an end to a task
With one sip at a time you can empty the cask...
And I never half step when I step in a cypher
I'm a step ahead like the sixth sense of Elijah
Heaven awaits the soles stepping on the right path
So if you're lost, retrace your steps with a precise map
My brain's a choreographer coordinating my steps
As I dance in the reign like a breaker that's drenched
I take steps to leave my footprints on the sands of time
Before I step to the other side where the phantoms glide...

Maximus 05-06-2016 03:30 PM

upping for feeds anyone?

Pharaohs Army 05-06-2016 04:57 PM

good multis
and good flow through the majority, i thought.

There is a middle section that I'm not too excited about.

Cos missteps could get you trapped like a con immured
So take steps of perfection beyond the flaws
Faint hearts never betroth fair maids


Before this section, And after this section, you seem to have a planned out rhyme scheme&meter..

But here I just don't see any rhymes on these 3 lines.
Which isn't always a big deal, but I think it is here.. because of the format of what's before & after.

*Maybe perfection beyond the flaws/ never betroth?
But if that's the case it doesn't jive with the flow on the rest.
And if you tell me you can rhyme con immured with beyond the flaws I will quit netcees.

In fairness I love the next line's rhyme Take the first step without seeing the whole staircase so it kind of rescues it a bit.

Although the theme and the title are about steps, I think you may have used the word 'steps' one too many times.

I think you did a good job here for the most part (particularly some of your phrasing and endrhymes).. but those above critiques r also what i see.

Maximus 05-07-2016 02:53 AM

lol man @pharoah thanks man. about the con immured and beyond the flaws line that rhymes in my accent man, anyways I appreciate the feed bro

Pharaohs Army 05-07-2016 03:24 AM

Yw

lol Oh you can rhyme that
Accent or not, I'm shocked

Goodbye everyone. It's been fun.

Quarter O 05-11-2016 01:03 AM

I got bored a few lines in..

Mr. J 05-22-2016 02:36 AM

after the constant use of steps it felt too preachy
otherwise some lines were pretty smooth, steady work.
I just lold & pharaohs comment...Ill come back later

Split Eight 05-22-2016 09:16 AM

@step


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