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12-19-2015, 01:42 PM
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#1 |
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Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 72
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First Language
I wasn't bred callous, peers just happened to be less heinous
imposed to stressed peasants I just happened to have habits of bad malice moving past manics; I amassed a concoction of pernicious mass merits acetic saliva when I spit, my self-transcendence is planned vengeance. started out with maiden scripts on faded ink and a penchant for exposure succubus paying dues, sweet chariots won't carry me for my petulant persona. pick a-part or pick my cherry, I ripped it out self handedly cos it lacked density poured it in a cup and fed it to a stray dog - guess hard work paid off! now the concept's bitch made. Last edited by Alice White; 02-26-2016 at 10:29 PM. |
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12-19-2015, 02:40 PM
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#2 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 26,334
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 84181445   |
Lol at this wack shit. Go fuck urself.
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12-19-2015, 03:36 PM
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#3 |
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Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 72
Rep Power: 0 |
I'm flattered.
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12-19-2015, 03:51 PM
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#4 |
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sloth kong
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: The Central Valley
Posts: 685
Battle Record: 2-5
Rep Power: 11732142 |
bags doing bags stuff.
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12-29-2015, 11:45 AM
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#5 |
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LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CRUMPETVILLE
Posts: 8,608
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
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Rep Power: 85899396 |
Pardon my ignorance, but do they even speak English in the UK?
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- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) |
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12-29-2015, 02:08 PM
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#6 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 142
Rep Power: 2933499 |
A good effort. I felt that the wordplay often seemed forced and at times, nonsensical. The rhyme scheme could be improved with some variation.
Keep doing. Cimm. |
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12-30-2015, 06:30 PM
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#7 |
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V.V
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: .
Posts: 2,076
Battle Record: 31-20
Rep Power: 6247259 |
I wanted to like this, but this just doesn't translate well for me. I see punchline potential and innuendo, but these aspects were not showcased properly imo. The flow was poem-ish and very clunky, assuming it was intended to rhyme. Just keep it up and I think you could really put work together that will be noteworthy.
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Ahem. |
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12-30-2015, 07:15 PM
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#8 |
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rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 2,150
Rep Power: 0   |
i didn't think this was good.
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| Tags |
| learn a new language, typical dagel garbage, wel(cum) to nc's faggot |
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