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#4 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
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Sometimes your positivity kills me. I'm just a negative person. But I liked this for its bounciness. There were points where the flow was a bit stiff and stilted, particularly when you upped the complexity of the scheme but didn't quite balance out stressed and unstressed syllables. I think the sound of the words is one thing you could probably work on. For instance, Split is very good at that. But your directness and earnestness are praise-worthy. No one writes like this on these sites, at least not anyone half as good as you. I do wonder if you're burning a straw man to a degree with this one.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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