the dam

Pharaohs Army · 08-13-2014, 10:23 PM

,

Alphadog · 08-14-2014, 04:24 AM

Yo pharo, this should be lengthened, very vivid content in this brief piece,
Honestly it was a considerable amount descriptive illustrates which was how i met the characters, creative concepts, not very flowy, but in respect you are a writer not a rapper keep up the work, ill be lookin for similar pieces from you, although i stated above it should be lengthened, it was brief but the story was told, i just thought it ended to soon/quick,.

Pharaohs Army · 08-14-2014, 06:28 PM

i agree shoulda spent a bit more time on the ending, and/or made it a longer story.
thank you for letting me know

Vulgar · 08-17-2014, 09:44 PM

The ending wasn't up to par with the whole piece for me. That's one criticism I have for this; otherwise I like personal pieces like this that create a world, characters, a landscape to grasp hold of. Children and dialogue also mixes well with literary fiction, and this medium as well. I liked the building blocks, but it could've been better, honestly. Keep working with your style.

Pharaohs Army · 08-19-2014, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vulgar

The ending wasn't up to par with the whole piece for me. That's one criticism I have for this; otherwise I like personal pieces like this that create a world, characters, a landscape to grasp hold of. Children and dialogue also mixes well with literary fiction, and this medium as well. I liked the building blocks, but it could've been better, honestly. Keep working with your style.

Thx. Yeah I did draw from personal experience the pic reminded me of. I did rush the end a bit, meaning i intended to do an abrupt ending, but i didn't put the necessary work into said ending.
Thing is, it's not my style, tbh. But point taken, and i will heed the recommendation. It's part of growing I suppose... trying new things in writing...new styles.

08-13-2014, 10:23 PM	#1
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	the dam , Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 07-13-2016 at 08:18 PM.

08-14-2014, 06:28 PM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	i agree shoulda spent a bit more time on the ending, and/or made it a longer story. thank you for letting me know Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 07-13-2016 at 08:19 PM. Reason: kept end of post

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08-14-2014, 04:24 AM	#2
Alphadog Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 35 Rep Power: 0	Yo pharo, this should be lengthened, very vivid content in this brief piece, Honestly it was a considerable amount descriptive illustrates which was how i met the characters, creative concepts, not very flowy, but in respect you are a writer not a rapper keep up the work, ill be lookin for similar pieces from you, although i stated above it should be lengthened, it was brief but the story was told, i just thought it ended to soon/quick,.

08-17-2014, 09:44 PM	#4
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	The ending wasn't up to par with the whole piece for me. That's one criticism I have for this; otherwise I like personal pieces like this that create a world, characters, a landscape to grasp hold of. Children and dialogue also mixes well with literary fiction, and this medium as well. I liked the building blocks, but it could've been better, honestly. Keep working with your style.