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Old 03-09-2014, 06:14 PM   #1
cyph her
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Timeless - I really enjoyed this. I typically read aloud what I'm voting on and not only did it sound beautiful but it flowed very well and didn't seem at all forced. I think you captured the topic in a very imaginative way with some pretty vivid visuals.

"Except we rewind…unraveling such a designed death.
Left us blind and spineless, standing in the rain"

I could imagine someone spinning around being "unraveled" in the rain until they were left with nothing. Pretty dope.

Tyson - I really like story telling and this was a good story. However, I found myself tripping over words to trying to follow the storyline and transition into bars. The run-ons were too much. I didn't feel like the topic was fully captured throughout. More like revisited at the end.

v-Timeless
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