monika,

[PancakeBrah]

You've really started to dial in your style, or you at least took your time with piece. You still had the deeper vocabulary but it was a bit more restrained and effectively used. Sharpened. Earnest and reflective with top notch execution. I enjoyed it in bunches. The was one, maybe two, spots that got a bit too verbose for the flow you had going when I read it out loud but that's about my only complaint. Read it a few times, good shit.

"cloud-cover stardust in bloom, reining in acidic cathodics,
Sitting cathartic. Carcinogen fumes we could puff.
Aware that my tonal grasp was approximately, too not enough."

Great wording.

"Seventh-year figure, whitening jeans at the fray, Hermione shoes.
swirling the dregs of her tea without divining the truth.
Visine induced. Nikon on strap, unprepared, cornered in booth-
Watson the satellite, saddened by bygones, a tile-worn emeritus sleuth."

Particularly enjoyed the divining the truth-visine induced back to back rhyme. Hard to do well without being choppy but you did it well. You did it in a couple other spots as well with similar aplomb.

"Pacing past the columned oak, her frozen lashes unblinking-
and I've got my smile flash closed, as I failed to fashion a greeting-
I've got a picture in mind of you grasping at speech,
and I dont know what I'm thinking"

Great ending.

Drop more pieces.