Disengaged.

Exis · 08-22-2013, 03:47 PM

I try grasping hold to last afloat, but tragically, I sink.
A practically obese 20-something still trying to grapple with his dreams.
Take a gasp and hold it deep. Release. Even smoke will fade.
And I've already choked away half my odds to procreate.

^^Thought that was nice with it, for some reason when I read it flow seems off tho...yet the multies are all on point (could be the 'trying to' in the second line...reads better when I replace it with 'tryna') but whatevers lol.

But when I sleep I feel the horror slice deeper than reaper's sharpened scythe.
Awake. I keep one darkened eye on the pillow lying next to me.
It's empty. It's lonely. It's jealous.
I hide my empathy.

^^Dope closer.

I like your style...you incorporate alot of wit into stuff which I admire, had some nice shit goin' on scheme wise and at times there was emotion laced amongst good rhymin'...so yeah tight stuff man.

My bad for not gettin' to this sooner as I thought I hit it up already, and thanks for gettin' to my joints bro...'tis appreciated.

Stay uppity.

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08-22-2013, 03:47 PM	#11
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	I try grasping hold to last afloat, but tragically, I sink. A practically obese 20-something still trying to grapple with his dreams. Take a gasp and hold it deep. Release. Even smoke will fade. And I've already choked away half my odds to procreate. ^^Thought that was nice with it, for some reason when I read it flow seems off tho...yet the multies are all on point (could be the 'trying to' in the second line...reads better when I replace it with 'tryna') but whatevers lol. But when I sleep I feel the horror slice deeper than reaper's sharpened scythe. Awake. I keep one darkened eye on the pillow lying next to me. It's empty. It's lonely. It's jealous. I hide my empathy. ^^Dope closer. I like your style...you incorporate alot of wit into stuff which I admire, had some nice shit goin' on scheme wise and at times there was emotion laced amongst good rhymin'...so yeah tight stuff man. My bad for not gettin' to this sooner as I thought I hit it up already, and thanks for gettin' to my joints bro...'tis appreciated. Stay uppity.