hide//seek

PancakeBrah · 07-30-2013, 04:11 PM

I liked certain serpents feed quite a bit and caused me to reread the piece. I disagree with his final summation. This read to me as an atheist piece of writing. In all fairness that a personal lean for a critique. I never quite know the mark youre trying to hit (reading you is like reading vulgar in that aspect although for drastically different reasons). Regardless this had some outstanding lines and ideas. The axiom idea was one of my favorite standalone lines of this month. Well worded and great conceptually. You can be too verbose for me sometimes (not in terms of flow but in vocabulary) but that line was air fucking tight. The absentee space and vase lines were right on that level too. The absentee line is dope under my interpretation but I'm not 100% sure I nailed your point. The projector line was well written and I liked the rhyme. The aforementioned ashes scheme was the high point in terms of technical ability. The closer was dope in that respect as well and tied my presumed point together well. Live life now because their isn't anything after? Could be wrong. Regardless of my interpretation this was really enjoyable. One of my current favorite active writers in the section.

Posted from phone so apologies for any typos and no quotes.

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07-30-2013, 04:11 PM	#12
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	I liked certain serpents feed quite a bit and caused me to reread the piece. I disagree with his final summation. This read to me as an atheist piece of writing. In all fairness that a personal lean for a critique. I never quite know the mark youre trying to hit (reading you is like reading vulgar in that aspect although for drastically different reasons). Regardless this had some outstanding lines and ideas. The axiom idea was one of my favorite standalone lines of this month. Well worded and great conceptually. You can be too verbose for me sometimes (not in terms of flow but in vocabulary) but that line was air fucking tight. The absentee space and vase lines were right on that level too. The absentee line is dope under my interpretation but I'm not 100% sure I nailed your point. The projector line was well written and I liked the rhyme. The aforementioned ashes scheme was the high point in terms of technical ability. The closer was dope in that respect as well and tied my presumed point together well. Live life now because their isn't anything after? Could be wrong. Regardless of my interpretation this was really enjoyable. One of my current favorite active writers in the section. Posted from phone so apologies for any typos and no quotes.