medula medusa heads to bermuda

Illume · 06-27-2013, 05:49 PM

Feels like you're trying too hard to rhyme and putting words in that actually have no relevance or meaning to what you're saying.

You're making verbs nouns and nouns verbs (which isn't a bad thing in some cases, but you do it way too much) and rhymin' a bunch of random words for a few lines so you can engineer a punch that has little effect cause the stuff that came before it doesn't cohere.

I could do that with a rhyme dictionary in a couple minutes tbh.

Within the last 6 lines you started to form one or two understandable sentences so you should write more like that and forget about being technical in the rhyming until you actually know what you wanna say.

06-27-2013, 05:49 PM	#6
Illume Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 145 Rep Power: 671780	Feels like you're trying too hard to rhyme and putting words in that actually have no relevance or meaning to what you're saying. You're making verbs nouns and nouns verbs (which isn't a bad thing in some cases, but you do it way too much) and rhymin' a bunch of random words for a few lines so you can engineer a punch that has little effect cause the stuff that came before it doesn't cohere. I could do that with a rhyme dictionary in a couple minutes tbh. Within the last 6 lines you started to form one or two understandable sentences so you should write more like that and forget about being technical in the rhyming until you actually know what you wanna say.