WEEK TWELVE CHAMP MATCH: FRANK (6-1) vs DEAD MAN (1-0) DEAD MAN WINS 5-1

Rawn MD · 07-09-2022, 01:42 AM

Damn this was rough

Deadman - I really enjoyed your verse. I liked how you transitioned your rhyme scheme, and the stuff u alluded to really hit home to the picture… I especially liked the where the wild things are reference for some reason lol. Plus your word choice was on point with corresponding to the picture. I thoroughly enjoyed your verse…. I have seen better from you, but I did enjoy this.

Frank - You went a totally different direction with your verse. I did enjoy the story, and really your verse as a whole, and dug the fuck out of the whole Allen name scheme to Allen wrench line…however sometimes it felt like either you carried a syllable to many (mandible clenched/ failing them - for example) or your word choice either didn’t seem natural, or incorrect (shred as opposed to shed,) also the tenses were to conflicted for a story, for me at least. I know you use creative license with your wording sometimes, but I felt you could’ve done more with the topic… although the story was good, it did feel a little long winded at times, and the rhyme scheme was dope af, but like I said from a technical standpoint I have see you drop was more natural schemes within your own creativity, which you know I do dig.

Honestly you two are among my favorite writers on here to read topicals from. I am happy I read this, but sometimes less is more, and I felt Deadman got this from more of a technical standpoint. I did enjoy both verses thoroughly though.

Vote - Deadman

07-09-2022, 01:42 AM	#7
Rawn MD Get MacDon Join Date: Dec 1969 Posts: 2,168 Battle Record: 3-7 Accomplishments - OM HOF Rep Power: 0	Damn this was rough Deadman - I really enjoyed your verse. I liked how you transitioned your rhyme scheme, and the stuff u alluded to really hit home to the picture… I especially liked the where the wild things are reference for some reason lol. Plus your word choice was on point with corresponding to the picture. I thoroughly enjoyed your verse…. I have seen better from you, but I did enjoy this. Frank - You went a totally different direction with your verse. I did enjoy the story, and really your verse as a whole, and dug the fuck out of the whole Allen name scheme to Allen wrench line…however sometimes it felt like either you carried a syllable to many (mandible clenched/ failing them - for example) or your word choice either didn’t seem natural, or incorrect (shred as opposed to shed,) also the tenses were to conflicted for a story, for me at least. I know you use creative license with your wording sometimes, but I felt you could’ve done more with the topic… although the story was good, it did feel a little long winded at times, and the rhyme scheme was dope af, but like I said from a technical standpoint I have see you drop was more natural schemes within your own creativity, which you know I do dig. Honestly you two are among my favorite writers on here to read topicals from. I am happy I read this, but sometimes less is more, and I felt Deadman got this from more of a technical standpoint. I did enjoy both verses thoroughly though. Vote - Deadman __________________ FFC>FCC A. bove T. he R. est