WEEK 7: Elfo vs brokenhal0 ELFO WINS

Scar · 05-10-2020, 11:17 AM

okay i see that it is open for vote

elfo, yo i fuckin love this verse lulz. im not sure how much thought you put into those opening 4 lines but this shit here: Bottom is calm today that was fire b. anyway this was a light hearted read that incorporated the element of the picture just enough to see that it was in fact inspired or at least drawn from it. cool. the verse seems to imply that ouch girl is a druggie and since you got the best flex in the gram game, she was all subjected to your filthy drug dealing whim. nice. the flow was dope and the rhyming was really good. it was a very fun read and i have to say one of my fav this week. good to have you in the league my man

halo, yo you were mad late my man. but glad im glad its open for vote cause you both put in time and effort so its only right. It opens up with an inquiry. that usually means its gonna be a "topical" topical. this reminds me vaguely of zombie's verse from aowl season 3. while he/she juxtapose drowning and existentialism, your verse seems to be something along those lines lulz. your drowning in a tsunami, i assume thats the concept. lots of very colorful verbiage that are really dope play on words but i think its missing a connective tissue. something more concrete. it read like a series of ocean related idioms and references but i just cant connect it to any concrete idea you know? like what are you trying to say here? its definitely above my intellectual capacity so my bad if i didn't fully comprehend the verse my man. but i will say this, the verse moved in a very quick pace. the flow was super dope. the varying rhymeschemes definitely help the pace. that aspect of the verse was awesome.

v/ elfo. it was clearer to me and just overall more entertaining.

05-10-2020, 11:17 AM	#5
Scar Senior Member Join Date: May 2019 Posts: 566 Battle Record: 7-5 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5689709	okay i see that it is open for vote elfo, yo i fuckin love this verse lulz. im not sure how much thought you put into those opening 4 lines but this shit here: Bottom is calm today that was fire b. anyway this was a light hearted read that incorporated the element of the picture just enough to see that it was in fact inspired or at least drawn from it. cool. the verse seems to imply that ouch girl is a druggie and since you got the best flex in the gram game, she was all subjected to your filthy drug dealing whim. nice. the flow was dope and the rhyming was really good. it was a very fun read and i have to say one of my fav this week. good to have you in the league my man halo, yo you were mad late my man. but glad im glad its open for vote cause you both put in time and effort so its only right. It opens up with an inquiry. that usually means its gonna be a "topical" topical. this reminds me vaguely of zombie's verse from aowl season 3. while he/she juxtapose drowning and existentialism, your verse seems to be something along those lines lulz. your drowning in a tsunami, i assume thats the concept. lots of very colorful verbiage that are really dope play on words but i think its missing a connective tissue. something more concrete. it read like a series of ocean related idioms and references but i just cant connect it to any concrete idea you know? like what are you trying to say here? its definitely above my intellectual capacity so my bad if i didn't fully comprehend the verse my man. but i will say this, the verse moved in a very quick pace. the flow was super dope. the varying rhymeschemes definitely help the pace. that aspect of the verse was awesome. v/ elfo. it was clearer to me and just overall more entertaining. Last edited by Scar; 05-10-2020 at 11:20 AM.