AOWL Week 4: patrown (0-0) VS. ZeeDee (0-0) [ZEEDEE WINS, 5-1.]

Frank · 03-11-2013, 12:50 AM

Vote - Patrown

Heres why; the line limit is 48 lines maximum. NOW, this isn't enough justification some would say. And I would agree. So what 54 lines? Who cares? Let it fly. And I would normally agree. If a topical is sketched out in a systematic style, that's obvious to the reader. The reader can understand why the extra lines may be necessary to complete the story. Here I don't see any real direction, just imagination running wild. I thought the opening couplet was your best segment. Finely tuned. I saw the word "chorus" but didn't catch one on the track? Verse this extensive needs time slots; ;12 2;34 3;10 etc etc. Also - ass faced giants? Is that what I read 60 lines for? Indie kung fu flick. 3 out of 5 stars ***
Patrown...You ever heard the term 'less is more' that could describe your writing to this beat. It was easy to give this rhyme emphasis because of the simpler approach. It allowed the reader to create their own sadness to it. Read simple like huckle berry finn. Had a hitch hiker humbleness appeal to it.

Moderators may be lenient, up to them and what they decide.

03-11-2013, 12:50 AM	#10
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Vote - Patrown Heres why; the line limit is 48 lines maximum. NOW, this isn't enough justification some would say. And I would agree. So what 54 lines? Who cares? Let it fly. And I would normally agree. If a topical is sketched out in a systematic style, that's obvious to the reader. The reader can understand why the extra lines may be necessary to complete the story. Here I don't see any real direction, just imagination running wild. I thought the opening couplet was your best segment. Finely tuned. I saw the word "chorus" but didn't catch one on the track? Verse this extensive needs time slots; ;12 2;34 3;10 etc etc. Also - ass faced giants? Is that what I read 60 lines for? Indie kung fu flick. 3 out of 5 stars * Patrown...You ever heard the term 'less is more' that could describe your writing to this beat. It was easy to give this rhyme emphasis because of the simpler approach. It allowed the reader to create their own sadness to it. Read simple like huckle berry finn. Had a hitch hiker humbleness appeal to it. Moderators may be lenient, up to them and what they decide. __________________ VETWORK**