DEAD MAN -- DREAMWORK

Split · 02-02-2013, 03:02 PM

hi. the flow was nice.

I was wondering why you chose 27 hours unless you were using a personal experience. I think that's what kind of hooked me on to this. this had a lot of subtle drug references (Allusion to Tame One's M.O.?) which I think is a good literary device because there are sets of emotions and common experiences with drugs that people easily relate to.

mad scientist results from an empiricist's patience
awareness is basic - intuitive, inherent sensation
I like how you relate the idea of a mad scientist to experimenting with ideas and thoughts

Also the lines "you're not entitled to a dawn after night" took me out of the 'we' mindset and suddenly made this piece seem accusatory.. Like a nighttime day dream transitioned to a bad nightmare meets outward introspection

Righteous isolation? There was a lot of despair in this, I'm still trying to figure out the end, idk. Good read.

02-02-2013, 03:02 PM	#11
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	hi. the flow was nice. I was wondering why you chose 27 hours unless you were using a personal experience. I think that's what kind of hooked me on to this. this had a lot of subtle drug references (Allusion to Tame One's M.O.?) which I think is a good literary device because there are sets of emotions and common experiences with drugs that people easily relate to. mad scientist results from an empiricist's patience awareness is basic - intuitive, inherent sensation I like how you relate the idea of a mad scientist to experimenting with ideas and thoughts Also the lines "you're not entitled to a dawn after night" took me out of the 'we' mindset and suddenly made this piece seem accusatory.. Like a nighttime day dream transitioned to a bad nightmare meets outward introspection Righteous isolation? There was a lot of despair in this, I'm still trying to figure out the end, idk. Good read. __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com