I wrote bars abt u

Vengeance · 11-02-2020, 05:59 AM

First off RIP Lars ... open mic classics wheneva he typed them
sad txtcees is dyin this year but at least it’s the right ones

hah, cold.

viruses running wild as democrats raising the crime rate

not sure how to read this. either you're right-wing and think crime = things poor people do and believe democrats are involved in some crime conspiracy. or you think crime is something connected with democrats somehow, which is a right-wing talking point. the 'US' Democratic Party is literally neoliberal capitalist, they're propetarians.

what's you angle on this line, I'm curious?

TLDR; poor and working-class ''crime'' is a ruling class distraction.

Geno aging in reverse but I think it’s only his mind state
this ain’t personal bro’s , the truth is out there at last
Pegged a few of u for wierdos and Aero took it right up his ass

heh, an anti-gay joke.

Finally time for your 15 mins of fame !!! We gettin all the clout
Yes!!! We all household names .. it’s all Zuch and Jamie talk abt

from the mention in the comments I'm curious about this. what did I miss?

open your eyes and realize black lives matter u fucking bastards
Only interesting battle left is who more racist Knuck or Cashius

I don't know these two but I like the sentiment here and more power to those resisting white supremacy.

Its great to see legends return and get set for a run
Barcotic next time u throw a fit aim it at Hens cuz he dress like a bum

nice wordplay. not feeling the anti-bum/homeless part. homeless people don't really have any specific 'look', there's a lot of 'invisible homelessness' too.

A lot of y’all would be fire if u could write wit more rhythm
Sharps been off the charts lately but sadly there for autism

ehh, autism isn't a joke.

Blue diss Des unborn baby shit is crazy .. niggas still quoting
Sex life like his gun bars ... shooting blanks cuz he impotent
Not a lot of dudes my boy Tim Grady can’t slaughter
I fathered a lot of styles and well.. u literally a grandfather

ha, the 'fathered a lot of styles' angle had been heavily used way back so I guess this isn't so fresh

And fuck blues peloton machine .. that nigga a queer
Next cycle u should work on is not being a faggot year after year

the cycle wordplay would've been good if not combined with the anti-gay content

Overall this was disappointing. Reliance on social tropes against gay people, the autistic and homeless/poor is basically evidence of bad writing. People using stuff like this are utilising existing inequities to just bash downwards. I'm not supporting this stuff, not only from a political position but from a writers' position, it's just lazy to weaponise people already shit on by society to try to score points. I mean, you're writing pro-BLM and exposing racists in this verse - nice. Apply that same approach to the poor, sexuality and mental illness and switch the power dynamics.

Hope you take this criticism in good faith.

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11-02-2020, 05:59 AM	#18
Vengeance Senior Member Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 102 Rep Power: 2167894	First off RIP Lars ... open mic classics wheneva he typed them sad txtcees is dyin this year but at least it’s the right ones hah, cold. viruses running wild as democrats raising the crime rate not sure how to read this. either you're right-wing and think crime = things poor people do and believe democrats are involved in some crime conspiracy. or you think crime is something connected with democrats somehow, which is a right-wing talking point. the 'US' Democratic Party is literally neoliberal capitalist, they're propetarians. what's you angle on this line, I'm curious? TLDR; poor and working-class ''crime'' is a ruling class distraction. Geno aging in reverse but I think it’s only his mind state this ain’t personal bro’s , the truth is out there at last Pegged a few of u for wierdos and Aero took it right up his ass heh, an anti-gay joke. Finally time for your 15 mins of fame !!! We gettin all the clout Yes!!! We all household names .. it’s all Zuch and Jamie talk abt from the mention in the comments I'm curious about this. what did I miss? open your eyes and realize black lives matter u fucking bastards Only interesting battle left is who more racist Knuck or Cashius I don't know these two but I like the sentiment here and more power to those resisting white supremacy. Its great to see legends return and get set for a run Barcotic next time u throw a fit aim it at Hens cuz he dress like a bum nice wordplay. not feeling the anti-bum/homeless part. homeless people don't really have any specific 'look', there's a lot of 'invisible homelessness' too. A lot of y’all would be fire if u could write wit more rhythm Sharps been off the charts lately but sadly there for autism ehh, autism isn't a joke. Blue diss Des unborn baby shit is crazy .. niggas still quoting Sex life like his gun bars ... shooting blanks cuz he impotent Not a lot of dudes my boy Tim Grady can’t slaughter I fathered a lot of styles and well.. u literally a grandfather ha, the 'fathered a lot of styles' angle had been heavily used way back so I guess this isn't so fresh And fuck blues peloton machine .. that nigga a queer Next cycle u should work on is not being a faggot year after year the cycle wordplay would've been good if not combined with the anti-gay content Overall this was disappointing. Reliance on social tropes against gay people, the autistic and homeless/poor is basically evidence of bad writing. People using stuff like this are utilising existing inequities to just bash downwards. I'm not supporting this stuff, not only from a political position but from a writers' position, it's just lazy to weaponise people already shit on by society to try to score points. I mean, you're writing pro-BLM and exposing racists in this verse - nice. Apply that same approach to the poor, sexuality and mental illness and switch the power dynamics. Hope you take this criticism in good faith.