AOWL Magazine: The Move-in Edition

[Split Eight]

Art of Writing League: Season 5
Week 6: Move-in Edition

[Introduction]

Here we are again, folks. Another (2) week(s), another magazine. This edition is entitled the "Move-in Edition" because, as those of use who live in cities know, in a few short days it will be move-in day. Dead man is moving, currently. I just moved as well. But, more than that-

The day of the year when thousands upon thousands of minivans and UHauls clog the streets of our fair cities with young, hopeful minds, still yet unaware of the eighteen chakras of ramen noodle cooking or the alcohol-infused glory of two-buck chuck from Trader Joes (not the Charles Shaw varieties you goddamned amateurs!), will soon be upon us.

A parallel can be drawn to our sweet little league here, as well. As the summer wraps to a close, only those dedicated to the craft and with the drive to win will be sticking it out as we enter the midpoint of the season. Not participating from this point outward will likely disadvantage you in the playoff-- not that late sign-ins haven't gone on to champ.

Those here to stay & win will be pretty much all moved into the league, and a few names come to mind.

Look for writer profiles next week!

Anyways, here's to the recent upswing & the one of the busiest IRL times of the year! Cheers

[Reviews]
Week 4

[Adonis]
Ullr defeats Innovator 7-0
Ullr - “with merely their intent the fuse that bore war in the streets into peace, an ascension to:” This is not a legible sentence to me bro. Your adjective usage is off the richter scale my friend. Reading this verse was subtle imagery before even more dignified imagery. From sordid to assuaging this verse was chalk full of fun words to write with. You have evolved the rhyme scheme beyond bitches and hoes and old simple poems into a new age mix of velvet and concrete. Needless to say I loved this verse. As I read on I could sense the effort you poured into this. Championship worthy verse. I said we'll see how you compose under pressure because in the poetry league it seemed like you folded against Buddha in the similar contenders spot. Yet here, a shining occurred. Now, as for the concept, I shall take a stab at it... You retold the story??? hmmm...not sure how I feel about that? I am just assuming, because there was zero character build up or background, this aspect failed. But the rest was well worth 10 Africans deaths worth of gold, ¼ ounce?? Anyways, voters had this correct. You wrote a verse that connected to the topic on a high level yet aesthetically and fundamentally executed at high frequencies. Good god @ word usage, I loved that part the most.


Innovator - “blood soaked cobble stones, landscape dies under piled bones” This cuts out a syllable or two effecting rhyme scheme positively while simultaneously giving a clearer image in which you gifted me with your words, which was pretty awesome by the way. What I'm saying is that you went one syllable too many. Poetically this can often times be great because you can fit in more meaning, rap or aowl wise however, it clutters the flow. Essentially what I'm saying is this, you don't need the word “THE” you can become a more powerful writer without it. This was a good verse aside from the few nitpicking errors in scheme or cadence. But as far as transitions of scheme and content swinging on full tilt, this is a very solid exert. You hit the topic off the bat but you stayed on subject to a fault. You did not progress enough story wise nor in multies. Sure you were consistent as fuck, which I think is a major feat and deserves glorification. But you did not step out of that shell and destroy thoughts, be it rhyme scheme, story progression or vivid thought. You remained synonymous with fire, which is consequently less than lava, am I right? Dope verse, but in comparison to this weeks opponents, not enough. One of those not so rare occasions where you could have beat everyone but....

Asylum defeats 2tripple0 8-0
[Split]
This was a pretty cool battle, I think that 2tripple0 has been elevating in jumps and starts since the start of the season. I think he did a great job of writing to the topic, and only stumbled a little here and there with some unresolved thoughts and strange word choices. Pretty lucid and linear (in a good, storytelling way) so props for that. I think that Asylum had an o.k. verse with a lot of flash but sort of fizzled out quick. More polished but not as stable as it looks at first glance. I'm surprised at the one-sidedness of the voting in this battle, actually. No matter, good verses all around.



Week 5
[Split]

Dancake defeats Innovator 7-0
Dancake shut out league regular Innovator in what is (perhaps) Dancake's return to topical glory. Innovator essentially wrote a no-show verse (first line: "is Dan gonna show?"), so I mean it's a poor spot of luck that lead to this loss. But Dancake wrote a really fucking cool verse with what I would consider to be a difficult topic. Very off-the-wall, very original, perhaps my favorite verse of his in recent memory.


Godcomplex beats asylum 4-2
Solid battle all around, I'd say neither eclipsed the other in any measurable category. Asylum did a great job of world-building, Godcomplex developed his narrator a little bit more. As shown by vote tally, voters were a little torn on this battle. Pretty even match, but GC emerged the victor.

Razah beats Ullr 6-1
Everyone really enjoyed the technicality of Razah's writing, though perhaps his verse was a little less finely controlled. I feel as though Ullr's verse seemed almost aloof and off-putting, but I thought his adherence to the topic was more visible and appreciable. Razah got away with this in the end.


Rakontur beats YDK 4-3
This was close, and the effort levels certainly matched. I wouldn't go so far as to say that this was an excellent matchup, as each offering seemed half-formed (even when intended to be 10~12 lines apiece)




No-Show Shine
Week 4

[Adonis]

Godcomplex – You went hard in terms of rhyme. I noticed the heavy accent and follow through early on both in cadence and rhyme structure. It seemed like, (I can't imagine this true) but it seemed like you took more time this week to find the perfect words to fit. I'm not saying at times you don't take your time, but it clearly read as though you were going for the jugular. This was a simple story, and although freak show verses have been done to death, you kept that fact as secondary to the overall theme. I especially liked the ending as the beginning, I too used this once where the guy woke up in hell and counted backwards essentially. This adds to immediate suspense, thumbs up. Overall this was a verse penned with a deft touch. I don't think you waned from the main point you were getting across, you kept up flow and mastered pace of storyline here. An unconventional twist on an overused concept, potentially, but done the correct way so that nothing else mattered other then you wrote a commendable verse that would have got the win over just about any verse this season, let alone week.


Nigma – This is a thought provoking verse brother. I may be very far off but, what I took away is that you wrote from the perspective of death, almost like apocalypse in xmen. A god in older times whom was worshiped because of his power, but all he wants is to destroy all mankind or be destroyed, kind of like meeting his match. This verse was tough to decipher and I know I'm not close, maybe slightly. You chose to go with more of a flow laden style then usual, either that or you are just simply evolving. I enjoyed that shit. I feel bad because you do get no-showed against quite often, its a sad thing to sit and write and only get two readers or so. I feel like you grew stronger both in scheme and structure. I know you are consistent as they come, but I mean, this was your first verse in a few months if not mistaken and you not only picked up where you left off, but evolved and got better in the off season you know? The story did read as a bit scatter brain because I did not get that overwhelming sense of totality in the end, that wind of completion and enlightenment upon finishing the closer. I did go back multiple times however and came up with that apocalypse theme. Not sure how populace fit in there, but in any case, this was a very enjoyable read my friend. Good shits.

[Split]

Razah- I really liked the schemes here, especially "cinematic to me" as a rhyme. Very nice and unforced transitions. Decent concept, but I think the execution of this verse is what really stood out to me. Didn't try to be anything more than it was, which made it that much stronger.




[Throwback]
[Split]
So, Adonis would like to start featuring throwback verses from our collective past. The focus doesn't necessarily have to be AOWL.

[Adonis]

If anyone has suggestions feel free, if you wouldn't mind posting one of your own older works PM it to me and I can feature it in a mag and we can all laugh just as we are at this one here. Enjoy.

Originally Posted by sraL

The best I remember reading from the AOWL recently was this by Pinot Grij, it got no-showed so not much shine but it had such an unusual layout for a verse dropped competitively (paragraph format) and the rhyme placement / multi string was done very well.

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119617

Originally Posted by Adonis

This is the oldest verse I was able to find by myself. I wrote this back in 2007 which would make me twenty one or so. Forgive me, I was a different person then, still trying to become a thug. HAHA. Anyways, I will be posting throwback verses all season and thought I would have fun with this one.

http://www.projectrhyme.com/forums/f...t-0-1-a-27096/

[Power Ranks]

5. YDK



4. Dancake


3. Rakontur


2. GodComplex


1. Razah




[Outrospection]


[Split]
There you have it folks. Promises to be early with the next magazine. Stay up y'all.