lonely, again.

Zen · 03-07-2015, 01:37 AM

You turned me into a cliché. Made me make these sob verses. Maybe, I’m crazy. Nah, worthless. Fuck you. Baby, I’m not perfect, but maybe if you stop worrying we’ll make it, alright? Nothing can change by fighting, but fucking could save us tonight. I love you.

“Okay, good night.”

This shit changes by the second, but lately it’s gotten worse since I started drinking to stop the hurting. Jameson’s not working. One minute you’re all happy. The next you’re angry and depressive, and I can’t help but fucking hate it. This self-destructive behavior...Love is a motherfucker, ain’t it? Enough is enough. Maybe, I’m just fucking in love, but I think you’re fucking this up. BABY. We’re stuck in a rut, waiting, on someone to trust. Angrily, I come home to fuck and make you scream.

“It’s only lust,” you say to me. “I know you must hate me.”

“Please!”

She’s become my crutch. I made her leave because I fucked up and let her see I was nothing but a made-up dream. A bunch of fucking fantasies. All those ones you can’t believe.

Dope girl · 03-07-2015, 09:27 PM

This was an amazing work, you expressed how you feel toward her a lot.

oats · 03-07-2015, 11:11 PM

I dig it, nice little emotional diddy. Rhythm was on-point, slant rhymes worked, overall it was solid, if nothing spectacular. I may be a little cynical about pieces like these, because I tend to gravitate towards things that pique my curiosity, or appeal to my own experiences, and this was a little generic in those regards. It's good, just not unique or memorable, nah mean? To be fair, I get the feeling that this was more of a personal thing for you, not meant to be anything more than an expression of your feelings at a given moment, so take that critique with a grain of salt; not every verse stems from a grand ambition/is out to change the world. But yeah, I liked it, just would like to see something idiosyncratic to characterize it/make it uniquely yours. Always a pleasure.

PancakeBrah · 03-22-2015, 08:12 PM

I feel as though you're infringing on my territory here. Only I am allowed to write rambling, alcoholic love scorned missives on this website. But you did it well! You captured the desperation and all that ugliness. This was like a mistaken text message of a piece. In a good way! Got a little personal there. Said the word fuck a lot. But out of all that, poetry! DRUNKEN GOT DAMN POETRY, I SAY. No but I liked reading this.

Thanks for the read!

Pharaohs Army · 03-24-2015, 08:00 PM

Your prosey format of some of your raps is quite impressive. We should all strive to incorporate it.

Geno · 03-25-2015, 03:01 PM

loved it, flowed dope over this actin crazy shit -but i think anything can be made to ride this beat

dead man · 03-25-2015, 11:27 PM

i've really been liking the more melancholic work you've been posting lately, zen. it's brutally and tragically honest. very relationship-centric and blue. your prose structure lets me know you're less concerned with format and analysis and more concerned with content.

i read your AOWL submission for this week and this seems like part of a series. femme fatale nostalgia blues. i've been there all too often. its the fire for my flame. like it has been for yours in recent weeks. but its a phase. rivers and tides.

thank you

Inno · 03-30-2015, 02:51 PM

I should read this

Edit

Srsly enjoyed this. The free flowing rhyme outa no where
Style suits you. Also never deviate from paragraph format
You seem to do it very well.

Mr. J · 04-09-2015, 03:34 PM

This was quite amazing. it read as a short story would
the structure of it made the flow seem much more refined
you broughta different element to the table and let it ride out
pretty smooth to say the least. you put out a very emotional vibe
added character between the small glimpses of issues as thy occur
very real..that's the word..'real'...nice work Zen keep it up..

CopyPat · 04-09-2015, 07:14 PM

damn. this was cool. this reminds me of my one about beers after work. this just freeflowed but it was realness. i told u ur an emo bish. ahaha. but no this was good though, interesting read as always. obv rhymes too. good shit brethren

Certain · 04-10-2015, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silver

This was an amazing work, you expressed how you feel toward her a lot.

03-07-2015, 01:37 AM	#1
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	lonely, again. You turned me into a cliché. Made me make these sob verses. Maybe, I’m crazy. Nah, worthless. Fuck you. Baby, I’m not perfect, but maybe if you stop worrying we’ll make it, alright? Nothing can change by fighting, but fucking could save us tonight. I love you. “Okay, good night.” This shit changes by the second, but lately it’s gotten worse since I started drinking to stop the hurting. Jameson’s not working. One minute you’re all happy. The next you’re angry and depressive, and I can’t help but fucking hate it. This self-destructive behavior...Love is a motherfucker, ain’t it? Enough is enough. Maybe, I’m just fucking in love, but I think you’re fucking this up. BABY. We’re stuck in a rut, waiting, on someone to trust. Angrily, I come home to fuck and make you scream. “It’s only lust,” you say to me. “I know you must hate me.” “Please!” She’s become my crutch. I made her leave because I fucked up and let her see I was nothing but a made-up dream. A bunch of fucking fantasies. All those ones you can’t believe.

03-07-2015, 11:11 PM	#3
oats Steel Cut Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,084 Battle Record: 19-10 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 79005428	I dig it, nice little emotional diddy. Rhythm was on-point, slant rhymes worked, overall it was solid, if nothing spectacular. I may be a little cynical about pieces like these, because I tend to gravitate towards things that pique my curiosity, or appeal to my own experiences, and this was a little generic in those regards. It's good, just not unique or memorable, nah mean? To be fair, I get the feeling that this was more of a personal thing for you, not meant to be anything more than an expression of your feelings at a given moment, so take that critique with a grain of salt; not every verse stems from a grand ambition/is out to change the world. But yeah, I liked it, just would like to see something idiosyncratic to characterize it/make it uniquely yours. Always a pleasure. __________________ You should be water

03-22-2015, 08:12 PM	#4
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	I feel as though you're infringing on my territory here. Only I am allowed to write rambling, alcoholic love scorned missives on this website. But you did it well! You captured the desperation and all that ugliness. This was like a mistaken text message of a piece. In a good way! Got a little personal there. Said the word fuck a lot. But out of all that, poetry! DRUNKEN GOT DAMN POETRY, I SAY. No but I liked reading this. Thanks for the read! __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

03-25-2015, 03:01 PM	#6
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	loved it, flowed dope over this actin crazy shit -but i think anything can be made to ride this beat __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

03-25-2015, 11:27 PM	#7
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	i've really been liking the more melancholic work you've been posting lately, zen. it's brutally and tragically honest. very relationship-centric and blue. your prose structure lets me know you're less concerned with format and analysis and more concerned with content. i read your AOWL submission for this week and this seems like part of a series. femme fatale nostalgia blues. i've been there all too often. its the fire for my flame. like it has been for yours in recent weeks. but its a phase. rivers and tides. thank you __________________ Zack Wicks for president

03-07-2015, 09:27 PM	#2
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,788 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521419	This was an amazing work, you expressed how you feel toward her a lot.

03-24-2015, 08:00 PM	#5
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Your prosey format of some of your raps is quite impressive. We should all strive to incorporate it.

03-30-2015, 02:51 PM	#8
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	I should read this Edit Srsly enjoyed this. The free flowing rhyme outa no where Style suits you. Also never deviate from paragraph format You seem to do it very well. Last edited by Inno; 03-30-2015 at 02:53 PM.

04-09-2015, 03:34 PM	#9
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	This was quite amazing. it read as a short story would the structure of it made the flow seem much more refined you broughta different element to the table and let it ride out pretty smooth to say the least. you put out a very emotional vibe added character between the small glimpses of issues as thy occur very real..that's the word..'real'...nice work Zen keep it up.. __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

04-09-2015, 07:14 PM	#10
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	damn. this was cool. this reminds me of my one about beers after work. this just freeflowed but it was realness. i told u ur an emo bish. ahaha. but no this was good though, interesting read as always. obv rhymes too. good shit brethren __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.