|
03-18-2013, 05:34 PM
|
#1 |
|
nok Su kow
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,505
Battle Record: 1-1
Rep Power: 51788022   |
The Cold.
Quadriplegics playing hot-cross Jesus
w/hop scotch genies, leap frogging demons I'll eat your tots, teeter tottering thesis Over a water logged allegiance of dry humor Why you stare at my eye tumors? Wise loser Nostrils can't catch the brute-ness I've fumed up Remember us on your couch, mind's shroom-fucked Nothing on, whilst our tongues down each other's tonsils This is for the run-away points of a hundred convos The war stricken environment of our beloved condo Peep this chaos I'm melting in- day job of skeletons Demoralizing oral hybrids hang off w/gelatin Baller's blood boils to get the weight off then sell again Tv clicker tour guiding our brain washed intelligence My mind on vibrate as the skull shake Was running outta steam then the cigs stole pace Was going too slow to even pull brakes Wasn't nothing to show for on this full plate Whole weight nothing, Atlas, roll blades Whole lot'a nothing going on behind this dull face Been in this old cage, digging like mole caves Don't matter what the toll say. Watch the coals blaze As I burn bridges to stay warm on cold days You must be retarded if you think I'ma fold ace Garage shut- I like to sing Rev the car up & die w/me, ..like the start of HotTub Time Machine The stars just shine for me I'm prank calling the hospital, insane golem A-bombing as my Brain's thawing Yo I hang-office space, talking in tank crossings Blaze chronic in plane cock pits This is to those Heath Ledgers trying to sleep better The grief getters, scraping hearts on cheese shredders Release setter, staining blood within each letter At peace? Never.. This the cold.. Why you keep sweaters The past? i pet it & nurture- blank out.. edited version Lost my precious, that regrettable perfect Can't even remember when my head isn't hurting The moment our eyes touched was a special occurrence Used to do shit to you while you slept like a medical surgeon
__________________
"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" |
|
|
|
03-18-2013, 05:57 PM
|
#2 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228
Champed - NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10
Rep Power: 3853347 |
__________________
VETWORK
|
|
|
|
|
03-19-2013, 09:49 PM
|
#3 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 221
Rep Power: 0   |
Love reading your stuff.
|
|
|
|
|
03-23-2013, 03:56 PM
|
#4 |
|
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604320 |
This was fire. Had an old school feel to it that reminded me of this guy Phade from back in the day on Rapflava.
"Was going too slow to even pull brakes Wasn't nothing to show for on this full plate Whole weight nothing, Atlas, roll blades Whole lot'a nothing going on behind this dull face Been in this old cage, digging like mole caves Don't matter what the toll say. Watch the coals blaze As I burn bridges to stay warm on cold days You must be retarded if you think I'ma fold ace Garage shut- I like to sing Rev the car up & die w/me, ..like the start of HotTub Time Machine The stars just shine for me I'm prank calling the hospital, insane golem A-bombing as my Brain's thawing Yo I hang-office space, talking in tank crossings Blaze chronic in plane cock pits This is to those Heath Ledgers trying to sleep better The grief getters, scraping hearts on cheese shredders Release setter, staining blood within each letter At peace? Never.. This the cold.. Why you keep sweaters The past? i pet it & nurture- blank out.. edited version Lost my precious, that regrettable perfect Can't even remember when my head isn't hurting The moment our eyes touched was a special occurrence Used to do shit to you while you slept like a medical surgeon" That whole part was nice! I bolded what impressed me most. Nice writing Wise. |
|
|
|
|
04-01-2013, 03:50 PM
|
#5 |
|
Mic Check
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 708
Battle Record: 13-10
Rep Power: 3742225  |
holy shit son. killin it here. this was ridiculous, your lack of feeds is offensive! this is top notch shit. Your style is pretty unique. it feels very raw but i think its done like that on purpose, like not super polished like someone like lars or vulgar but just more emotion and realness to it. the complexity on this verse was alot higher than that first one i read, that made it infinitely more enjoyable to me. the end scheming was super sick with the medical surgeon rhyme.. outrageous!! . also this part stood out:
Peep this chaos I'm melting in- day job of skeletons Demoralizing oral hybrids hang off w/gelatin Baller's blood boils to get the weight off then sell again Tv clicker tour guiding our brain washed intelligence really really good drop here wize, fav thing ive read so far being on here |
|
|
|
|
04-01-2013, 08:35 PM
|
#6 | |
|
.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,898
Battle Record: 27-22
Rep Power: 85899399 |
Quote:
Wisington Ways still getting slept on in 2013?
__________________
http://split8.yolasite.com |
|
|
|
|
|
04-09-2013, 09:52 AM
|
#7 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 501
Battle Record: 33-12
Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x)
Champed - Art of Writing League (3x)
Rep Power: 737828 |
It has a reflective quality that is great, perhaps many lines are exaggerated and hyperbole but there is every now and again that part of truth. You also show some humorous lines, E.g., "garage shut", "prank calling", "on couch". There is direct contrast to more serious lines E.g., the whole "sleep better" part. You reveal a strong multidimensional personality through these lines in combination.
|
|
|
|
|
04-09-2013, 03:19 PM
|
#8 |
|
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,485
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606679 |
reminds me of tame1 in a particular way. pulling random matter into pattern. rapidfire rhyme shadowbox
Over a water logged allegiance of dry humor Why you stare at my eye tumors? Wise loser Peep this chaos I'm melting in- day job of skeletons Demoralizing oral hybrids hang off w/gelatin Baller's blood boils to get the weight off then sell again Tv clicker tour guiding our brain washed intelligence Garage shut- I like to sing Rev the car up & die w/me, ..like the start of HotTub Time Machine This is to those Heath Ledgers trying to sleep better The grief getters, scraping hearts on cheese shredders favorites jab combinations. this is what i like to see.. good shit brother Yz thanks 1
__________________
Zack Wicks for president |
|
|
|
|
04-10-2013, 01:19 AM
|
#9 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,709
Battle Record: 9-12
Rep Power: 4997617 |
yea this was retarded man.. and i mean that in a stupid hella dope northwestern seattle slang term lol... non stop swag (hate that word) with a pretty nice dedicated scheme with some word usage i dont normally see. not that ive fed them but ive red a few of your pieces and you show mad emotion in an abstract way if that makes sense. definitely enjoyed it.. kudos
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
Linear Mode
