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02-13-2018, 10:00 PM | #1 |
White Earl
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Write Week 8
Due in a week. Tuesday the 20th. Unless there aint enough heads then well have to improvise on time a bit.leta get aome veraea in. 16 lines max
If younparticipate you have to vorlte on someone other than yourself. Lets see how deep into despair you can get @uh-oh @Lyriscologist, @Elemental P @dead man @pohfig @Pent uP @big baby @Diablo @TYSON @Orc @Aero @Infiltration @Sunny @joog @ACTIVATE SELF @VersAstYLe @Witty @Problumatic @Flo Real @zygote @Mr. J @MMLP @Silver @Chyeahhh!!! @WRATH @brokenhal0 @Vlad @Objective @Pinot Grij @Diode @Barcotic @NYCSPITZ @Frank @CopyPat @Sammy @Sunny @King Ra.
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-A.bove T.he R.est Last edited by Geno; 02-15-2018 at 07:31 AM. |
02-15-2018, 04:45 PM | #2 |
Shrewd as evearthed
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I thought we were right together,
only now I'm left alone in disbelief at why you went and made our house an empty home. Now I'm left a loner, left alone since you left. Alone. Left a loan you left a lonely man when you left all owned. Left alone. We weren't right together, you were right to gather your things. Right? Together we're wry. Together we're... right! I write to gather my thoughts; it might be better left alone but we're right together. So I turn left, alone, as I'm driving right to get her. We're right together.
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02-16-2018, 03:23 AM | #3 |
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its complex, the concepts,of the convexed, a convict,
its past tense intuitive psionic cosmic focus so hopeless on the edge of the abyss,forest mist,carpets twist when i stare into the darkest pits, despair lairs , only a queer cares the sands squared ,humid air, i look around and see fear shared i gotta relax dont relapse into lower ambitions i stand distant perceptive to you misfits on my own i pancake that bizquick rinse my self in purified waters , night torture, import the order i see where im going with this we lonely and shit you watch cause im exposing the gift,a cure to the star that's cursed pursed lips thirst ,catch me hanging in aokigahara ..surfing the dirt a spirit gets inhaled by the nearest smurf ed alert cause you cant rest, in worlds, where you cant dress i know you cant press this bench up, the rents high but the end sucks the lucks nigh, but my, look how i end up.....dark nights of souls cant control the bright end the benz truck lights off pens tucked fuck with me and die... Last edited by brokenhal0; 02-16-2018 at 03:50 AM. |
02-16-2018, 07:52 PM | #4 |
Razor-thin derision
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I wander the crevices, red, swept into levels
of being and mood, entombed, being exhumed A 29 year old cuneiform tablet, a replica for others to imitate and stoneworkers to roughly administrate splitting the asphalt like earthquakes that rupture the interstate I travel because it beats staying in one place and the streets aren't a radiant, fun place fields of geraniums, fragmented archways green carpet stadiums; he is the able tongued that can talk their way into a good social standing or sit in the forest, open mind, open hammock - so unfamished |
02-17-2018, 01:30 PM | #5 |
White Earl
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A desperate road, taking its perceptive toll
Been left alone, ever since my legs have grown Peep the crevise where the pages fold -s'where i lay my oath Ill make it back in this world if it takes my soul Got a ways to go yet, bones flex, marchin' my trail Sacrificed it all and lost, thats what it costed to fail Failure carved in my skin, scarring, so its harder to rip All these battles lost, prepairing me to garner the win Flex off, headstrong, with the heart of a lion And this set of balls looks like i have elephantitus So i trek through the wreckage of life, sharp, weaponry like To final battle, where thd doors never let me inside Steady i climb, gripping rocks, ready to fly Feet planted in the earth, where you left me to die S'why i bore this deadly design, bringing death to the pack Im what bane is to bruce wayne, when he's breaking the bat |
02-17-2018, 09:39 PM | #6 |
Scream
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hidden forest of self
lookin every which way. detached in a desolate place; I'm humbled. lost track of time. can unwind more or less when the days are jumbled. escaped the hustle & bustle. culled from the fray new leaves turned. fun guy to fungi. foliage decay. run in the haze, wonder amazed, nothing is saved dreams loose - release the hounds who don't live for the hunt but the chase. finding my lattitude/solitude. panorama view: "it's calling you" imagination run wild. sun dials; picked up & talked to you. autumn bloom. abandonment helps manage shit. airing out issues & tears of misuse to better understand the mist. candles lit; hold the curtains. let emotions surface. held back yrs by a social circus that sold a purpose. "real men hold back" -- the fight inside no soul would search this. now a child in the woods left alone w/ myself. roam where i dwell. I finally understood. my fiery subtle mood set ablaze this forest n end it. death to burdens. here to live a life where nobodys a witness. Last edited by Saint; 02-18-2018 at 02:19 AM. |
02-18-2018, 02:19 AM | #7 |
death to amen
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I hear..
blarin sirens flyin thru streets owned by careless tyrants the heir to violence, manueverin an economy scared in silence exchangin textbooks for checkbooks, a brilliant scheme n a plot only more if u still believe that their not, while fundin both sides of a war lettin the inbetween of it rot this position i take only makes the proud man stiffen up straight, never sticks in debate, only labeled a conspiracy thru a vision they make so I try to find a reason, sum excuse as to why.. when approached with the truth why wuld u choose to believe in a lie? i still carry the weight from poor choices and my share of mistakes mainly character traits, when it comes down to it none of us are perilous saints im blemished by my record, now a number to the system .. as if it already wasnt hard to find sumone who wuld listen this is me acceptin defeat, im raisin the flag. I guess endin on this page isnt bad i did what I could in the days that I had, now I watch my daughter march n find peace knowin I never failed as a dad Last edited by Nick James; 02-18-2018 at 03:39 AM. |
02-19-2018, 05:34 AM | #8 |
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Amen Sister!
Mother Nature has a mind-set of her own.
Nothings fazed her despite being alone. Primary, her focus is to nurture, provide! Something the eyes of the beholder can observe with delight Preserved in the wild with an army of trees. At the turn of the sky her artistry gleams. She’ll harvest the green that’s planted in soil, the heart on her sleeve is as organic and loyal. Knowing Man is the poisonous source of her days. Always standing with poise through all of the pain because the course she will take conditions the lands. With her force she can break the spirit of Man. Keeping fish in their tanks for the wonders underneath. And the gift of the gab for all struggling queens. Because single mothers should believe that they can adjust. Because a great woman, doesn’t need a great man in front. |
02-19-2018, 08:32 AM | #9 |
Shrewd as evearthed
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Here's how I scored this bout...
Broken Hal0 trash. Made no sense and didn't even apply to the topic Vulgar - Nice and good stylistically, similar to last weeks style and I prefer this to what I've seen of you recently (not a lot, admittedly) but this style works for you bruh. Stick at it. This one wasn't as polished as last weeks, but still solid. The flow is a lot better, lines shorter and cleaner which has always been your weakness previously so you're evolving. I like it. Again, conceptually, I didn't feel like you nailed it but it was a ridiculous topic to do a lot with and I feel you made the best of a bad hand here creatively, you're a contender for sure. Geno: Hated your last line, seemed like you ran out of steam with it in truth as it felt out of place with the rest of this one. LOL @ elephantitus balls. Again, I liked the line in truth, but there's no way I got elephantitus balls come to mind when I look at this topic. Not even on any kind of Sammy left-field eating tree bark with mangos type ish. The verse is a cool little braggadocio, but didn't really keep to the topic to me. Very loosely fitted. Good, but not Direct. Infiltration: Another solid showing from you too this week again. I think you surprise people. I see you scheming, but keep in mind this makes your lines longgg bro. Even from the opener, your lines have too many syllables to really FLOW like some competitors here. Genos for example this week. Geno kills this in terms of flow (content aside for the second). Shorten the lines up. It will help, trust me. You had some deft touches in there, fungi to fun guy I guess though that's from an old ass joke bruh lol. I guess you tried to transcend the topic and make something of what we could barely see around the "Left alone" text centered. I get it. What you did was decent, not entirely sure it hit the mark for me in truth if I'm honest, I'd have preferred a more direct verse but I can see why you did it. It's just not my style. Deadman would have cleaned up this week with the topic given I feel. Nick: Good showing here, way better than I expected tbh as I thought you were a text battler. You skilled though. You seemed to take some inspiration from Infiltration (#BAHRS) with the whole text book to cheque book ish. I felt you too went for an unusual take, tried to make something around the topic that worked and didn't work at the same time to me. Good attempt though. MMLP - Did you write to last weeks topic again? Anyway, my vote is for Infiltration
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02-19-2018, 11:07 AM | #10 |
Razor-thin derision
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sraL - Mechanically and word-wise, this is a clever take on the topic, but my instincts tell me it wasn't really genuinely enjoyable or thought provoking. I liked how you opened up right away with a breakup story, without hesitation.
brokenhal0 - cause you can't rest in worlds where you can't dress was a great line, even if it doesn't make perfect sense. Maybe 'dress wounds' might've worked better, if I'm catching the meaning of the line correctly. This was definitely a spontaneous write-up. Stream of consciousness. Your second lines at times (of each bar) were consistently trying to muster up some atmosphere. I noticed that but couldn't grasp the overall connect. Genocide - Nice, relatable writing, with some Gotham-like dark narration. Just falling short of excellence, but good nonetheless. Infiltration - Your verse last week was really impressive. This one was okay for me, some good rhyme patterns and a focused mood, dribbling related concepts forward that hit the topic. Nick James - Cool showing, about dealing with consequences for past foolish actions and now tending to the duties of a father. I liked it, although it wasn't as bold as some of the others this week. MMLP - I was going to vote for you because I thought the overall concept was fun. Your last two lines both started with 'because' which was a game-changer, it kind of put a kink in the ending for me. Vote - Genocide His verse was the most enjoyable and relatable to me. |
02-19-2018, 11:13 AM | #11 |
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Drip
Drip Drip Drip Drip Drip Drop I come to … Blood dripping on the sunroof From a flooded pool of maroon coppery fluid oozing through the grooves of my front tooth. I'm cut. Wounded. "Aaaaaah fuuuuk." ...My lung's bruised. I huff fumes. Stuck, hung up, I adjust, move, unbuckle. *Boom*. I plunge head first into crushed glass. My truck's smashed. I shuffle past all the rubble and debris to the muddy grass. I'm a lucky man. I mean gotdamn. I coulda died in that fuckin crash. I got a gash on my left thigh. I rip my sleeve and apply pressure where the slit bleeds. I tie a knot then I quickly .. grab my cellphone to call 911, but the screens cracked full of black plasma and it seems that .. I'm all alone on this dirt road. The Sun sets as I see a dumb toad. *Riiiiibbit Riiiiiibbit* the shit croaks. *Bzzzz Bzzzz* now I'm getting bitten by misquitos. A twig snaps ..... as I take a look around. *A-wooooo*. There's no mistaken a hungry coyote's howl. The nearest town? Uhmmm .. 20 .. or 30 miles. I try to limp on a punctured leg but trip and fall, hit a rock and I bust my head. The blood seeps and I think I'm already dead. At least I will be without a medic and an ambulance. I'm losing sand fast from my hourglass. It's getting bad. Last edited by ACTIVATE SELF; 02-19-2018 at 05:43 PM. |
02-19-2018, 02:33 PM | #12 |
White Earl
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Ok ill close this since we have 2 votea in alrdy.
Selfs verse is being accepted.since it wasnt sposed to close til tomoro. Unfortu ately for him he dropped it after 2 votes had come in lol. Next time just wait til i close for votes broa lmmfao We have Infiltration 1 Geno 1 Keep the votes coming guys. Thanks
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02-19-2018, 02:36 PM | #13 |
White Earl
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Ive got.self.this week actually. Funnny cause he wrote about almost the same angle i was originally thinking about writing. Car crash. Descriptive injuries.. Swaggish. Really dope jump into despair. Well painted piece man. Gets my nod this week.
Infiltration 1 Genocide 1 Activate Self 1
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-A.bove T.he R.est Last edited by Geno; 02-19-2018 at 02:39 PM. |
02-19-2018, 04:55 PM | #14 |
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...
blackest night....blood...sacrifice...pacified? paralyzed - numb. young....acolytes...one...anti-christ. bad advice; 'go against God' the darkness decrees; the darkness is me. but don't mark me a beast. must i, beg pardon to garner relief? only eat the unconscious who constantly sleep, hearken to sheep. all the, - depravity, abandonment & hurt, the avarice, externally validated worth, animalistic urges; the thirst; sadomasochistic; slaves to anatomy, adamantly search to shirk their inadequacies - s'just the baphomet at work? call me a scapegoat. cornered in this corner of space, loathed, tolerance for pain grows the further im fallin, from grace, slow clawing at faith, hope? pleading pleeaase don't dawn on me fate - oh - if only i could trade these horns for a halo,... maybe...maybe, you'd call me an angel....maybe - you raised heaven too high a place i can never live up to, hell hath enough room, im just, tired uh the lust, trust, the devil needs love too. ... maaaaaan fuck you & these dusty ass write weeks geno |
02-19-2018, 05:10 PM | #15 |
White Earl
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Lol.
People voted before i could close this for votes. Sry man. We will accept ruggeds verse ... No more though. Get the votes in. After this i have to ask that everyone wait to vote until i close the thread for votes.. This week was goofed up a bit. But thats ok
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02-19-2018, 06:56 PM | #16 |
death to amen
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sral - lol even tho u was fuckin around shit was funny.
brokenhalo - bro it seemed like u were just throwin words out for the sake of rhyming them regardless if it made sense. u have to articulate some sort of mssg or topic. vulgar - flowed super smooth n the imagery was on point. I liked the angle as well.. I only felt the endin culda been better. dope tho geno - I rlly liked this man. it was good in all aspects and the ending was a strong twist that brought out the whole piece. Infiltration - rlly quite philosophical lol. the views in this is wat I enjoyed the most.. there wasnt rlly a set structure in the rhyme scheme, I varied away from that as well this week, and I think the structure helps keep it artisticly sound. we shuld both keep that in mind Activate self - if this was strictly about storytelling ud win this one hands down. imagery was on point. flow was choppy which hurt it as a whole but as far as depictin a story.. dope. rugged - holy shit this was nice. wish u wulda been able to drop it sooner u might of got sum of the previous votes. I felt the mssg bein conveyed and it resonated wit me. u varied from the rhyme scheme so it didnt read exactly smooth in every part but it did for the majority. its close between rugged n geno but in the end I think geno had the best piece as a whole this week. vote - geno |
02-19-2018, 08:18 PM | #17 |
Upset Champion
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Vote mmlp he nailed last weeks topic this week
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02-19-2018, 08:24 PM | #18 |
Upset Champion
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Geno solid fell off after flex it bit. Vulgar probably could of taken this but wanted more from the direction he took. Inf underrated an solid as always. Nick james surprisingly enjoyable, liked this. People who dropped after voting started i ignored
Vote mmlp for the crazy poisnous soil loyal internal. Yall sleeping on it. |
02-19-2018, 11:04 PM | #19 |
White Earl
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Ifiltration 1
Genocide 2 Activate Self 1 MmLp 1 Lets get some more votes in.
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02-21-2018, 02:04 AM | #20 |
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cause you cant rest, in worlds, where you cant dress
not being at peace in ones own skin cant rest in your flesh. cause you don't know yourself to exist without your dress i know you cant press this bench up,too weak to pick up the messages the rents high but the end sucks paying big things for no things only for the few everybody ellse.. 7/10 Last edited by Geno; 02-21-2018 at 01:58 PM. |
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