Oktozen- A Light in the Attic (Zen & Split 8)

[Split]

The room's still spinning. I've lost my mind. Shit. A broken heart reminded of old scars I hide with Old Charter and wine tips. No caution. Defiant. So often I'm violent, hurtful to those I love. Forget memories, reload the buzz. In misery, fill nose with drugs. Wishing I could remember what my Rosebud was.

A violet Nintendo or perhaps, my old winter gloves- perhaps I'dve known *which* of them isn't ratty old junk. Mementos to casually throw in a trunk; relax, when alone, just crack for a moment- and gas your whole home with it. Spiral off into a child's stashed notebook with designs we'd imagined would save us when the world came to end. I'm stymied by pages alive in life's madness. Swirling in bends. Scratched in with motions like sorcerer magic. Coriolisesque thrashes on the highest of oceans with a forty year old Atlas. Skimming the beaches for the Northwest Passage with no ruler or compass, til the storm just passes & I knew at once there's no in or egress. Divorced of passion: knights cast in old pots. Dusted, in a scabbard, undrawn. The purpose forgotten or something. Reminiscence that dribbles off into nothing. Childhood ends and life just gets taller, shadows and light playing hide and grow smaller. They touch for a moment. Fight the cold water. I could cast a pallid reflection- and spar with my last bubbling onus til I choke, grapple and end it. Nothing to toast with but blood for a bath or repentance. Reluctant to spite but delight in love's torment, nothing is quite like the height of the moment. Leading darkness on for so long it's become line of sight and it fries all my cone ends. Color me absent and paint me a martyr who died undevoted. Leaving the darkness on for so long, it hangs in the apartment, an idle enclosure that shrivels and grays all your garments.

Shit, Bane was raised in the darkness. I was raised in an apartment on minimum wage. Became bizarre with a bit of rage, put it in a compartmental cage. Partially to entertain. Watch this mosh pit play inside my conscience. Obnoxious. Fucking nonsense still bothers me to this day. Nothing’s forgetful. I still replay arguments I had back in the tenth grade. At a young age her parents were gone. She told me she uses because she’s a heroine when she nods. You should've seen her face when she woke up to learn that Paris was a mirage. I watched her carry her scars till they came apparent on her arms. I should’ve helped her get clean but instead I let her keep carrying on. She said it’s not a problem all the way to the cemetery in a box.

I'm never there when she wants. You could compare me to songs that never play at the bar. Put in your two cents a dozen times and stay one penny off. I'm stuck inside of your head but sort of dissolve to a tempo. Call it a silent crescendo. The words don't seem all so right. Perpetually flawed. So you nod your head, gentle, or something along those lines.

[PancakeBrah]

"The purpose forgotten or something. Reminiscence that dribbles off into nothing. Childhood ends and life just gets taller, shadows and light playing hide and grow smaller."

Dope.

"Color me absent and paint me a martyr who died undevoted."

"She told me she uses because she’s a heroine when she nods. You should've seen her face when she woke up to learn that Paris was a mirage."

Also dope.

"I'm never there when she wants. You could compare me to songs that never play at the bar."

This, too, was also dope.

The vignettes were okay, with the last section being much strong than the first. I only liked the 'rosebud' line from the opening salvo. I think the second paragraph is the strongest of four. I think it's Split but I'm not exactly sure. My powers of discernment are pitiful, I guess. The second paragraph started a little to scattershot and thick for me but once it got to the first quote I listed it was damn near perfect. I did like the 'world came to an end' line, though. But back to the second half, it was great. The only hiccup was 'repentance. reluctance' which kind of got back to the style I didn't like from the first half. But other than that it was really high level stuff. As for the third paragraph, it really seemed like a lined verse put into paragraphs. I'm almost positive that isn't the case but it read like it. The middle of this verse was the strength; from "Fucking nonsense" to "on her arm" is great. I felt the beginning and very end were a little clunky but other than that a good/great verse.

Very strong collab, with serious highlights. Some dull spots but those are outweighed. Deserves more attention.

[Kin]

hurtful to those I love. Forget memories, reload the buzz. In misery, fill nose with drugs.
-Daaaaaamn!!!

Childhood ends and life just gets taller, shadows and light playing hide and grow smaller
-Whaaaaaaat!!!!

Obnoxious. Fucking nonsense still bothers me to this day. Nothing’s forgetful. I still replay arguments I had back in the tenth grade.
-Crazy shiiiiit

dunno who did wha' but this was a nice change up from the normal drops in here...juz feel it brought a lot of original thoughts out...

good work fellaz

Yessssiiiiir

[dead man]

Wishing I could remember what my Rosebud was.

nice. thank you, mr. kane.

I still replay arguments I had back in the tenth grade. At a young age her parents were gone. She told me she uses because she’s a heroine when she nods. You should've seen her face when she woke up to learn that Paris was a mirage.

fuk

this was deeply melancholic and expertly written. this strange rhyme noir phase has evolved into something with a life of itself and definitely ushered in some great verses. its acid macabre. fascinating....


thanks for this guys.

[Mike Wrecka]

I liked this

[Inno]

Hof.

[Split]

Originally Posted by Innovator

Hof.

are u avin a giggle m8?

[Inno]

I just understood that.

No joke. Will feed this properly

[big baby]

just read this


liked the lines everybody quoted. seems whoever wrote any of those lines have elevated, by just slightly adjusting their wording/imagery/technique, all into one line, by melding analogue fused within a description of adjectives and/or verbial action. the characterization of these lines made the writing, everything else was just build-up not-so built up. seems the focus was taking out of mediocre schemes and these behavioral tactics for a few good lines. was kewl and ok

[dull boy]

Really good.

[Da BattleMasta Patrick]

I'm never there when she wants. You could compare me to songs that never play at the bar. Put in your two cents a dozen times and stay one penny off. I'm stuck inside of your head but sort of dissolve to a tempo. Call it a silent crescendo. The words don't seem all so right. Perpetually flawed. So you nod your head, gentle, or something along those lines.

I aint even really seeing how this rhymes guys, and I don't much understand what it is you mean, but I read it aloud and then recorded myself reading it and it sounded kinda dope, zit like poetry?

[Split]

Originally Posted by Da BattleMasta Patrick

I aint even really seeing how this rhymes guys, and I don't much understand what it is you mean, but I read it aloud and then recorded myself reading it and it sounded kinda dope, zit like poetry?

I guess spoken word

Regular rhyme schemes kinda fell out the window

[Da BattleMasta Patrick]

Originally Posted by Split

I guess spoken word

Regular rhyme schemes kinda fell out the window

Alright man well I am going to rep you cuz I liked this.

[dull boy]

Rhyming is so 2011.