Dipping my microships in gasoline sauce

Zombie · 07-15-2013, 11:41 PM

Ephemeral. A testament to your consecutive soft lies
Whispered in the crevices that I could barely hard write
You withered in the autumn weather, whispering an awesome fiddle
Through the instruments you hardly whittled, I was playing third string.
Warming the bench, while you were all warped in your sense.
Bottled your demons, while you ran wild, vial as was tense
Vile. It’s intense. I mean you were so lovely and dangerous
Like being afloat the oceans, and have a palace built on a balanced glacier.
Can you smell the explosive nature?
If I had erasers, I’d erase anamnesis to shattered pieces, from that laughs received.
It’s more than a avid feature. We had a future. We were supposed to…
I’d time travel back to Garden Eden, and I swear to Jesus
I’d grab eve and drop adam bombs, to our ever past and secret.
Cause the snakes in the grass, is always meaner on the other side, it’s for real
The rotten apple doesn’t fall from the tree. But the tree was built on a hill
And that apple fell to the sea, and I just hope that apple was grown; into a beast
And transfixed to my throat, cause my adams apple chokes on it’s spit, when I think on every single thing we had to conceive, we traveled the seas
not literally though….
You just had to be weak. Metronome castle. Spoke a colorful and balanced laser
You were the first flower to blossom brush strokes in your caricature,
To me you were second nature. Sitting bottoms at large oaks
Bongo drums, sparking your dark flavor.
A stranded home. Alone, there goes the vagabond. I’ve had enough
If I see you, it’s a waiver on sight. Get away, it’s alright
Veteran’s war crime. Not severing all ties, like tailors on strike

CopyPat · 07-15-2013, 11:49 PM

Interesting... i don't really know how to feed this. was kindof a poetic style, not my cup a tea. hard for me to critique this or give props on... the rhyming was average but that wasn't what this was about. u had some interesting wordplays or puns on adam and eve and apples i guess.. idunno. it just left me feeling a little empty, like i don't really know what to think of it. its something im not used to style wize.

Do yourself a favor and read all of Vulgar's drops in this section. He has like 4 or 5 in the last 2 weeks . I think you will like all of them man.

sorry for the wack feed, check my piece in here right now and tell me what u think

PancakeBrah · 07-15-2013, 11:51 PM

99% amazing. The tailors on strike simile was off-putting compared to the tone and rest of the language of the piece. Explosive nature I didn't like for some reason, jarred me while reading it. Other than that the best piece I've read on this iteration of NC. I think I've said that about another piece before but that piece sucks. The adams apple theme in the middle was excellent, started off okay then really went somewhere with the adams apple line and imagery. Poignantly worded, full of regret. Something substantial amid the everyday drops around here.

Zombie · 07-16-2013, 12:46 AM

Thank you. That was rude, because I was the other piece. But you didn't know that. Also, thanks copypat. I will give it a loooooook.

Split · 07-16-2013, 05:27 AM

The rotten apple doesn’t fall from the tree. But the tree was built on a hill
And that apple fell to the sea, and I just hope that apple was grown; into a beast
And transfixed to my throat, cause my adams apple chokes on it’s spit, when I think on every single thing we had to conceive, we traveled the seas
not literally though….
You just had to be weak. Metronome castle. Spoke a colorful and balanced laser
You were the first flower to blossom brush strokes in your caricature,
To me you were second nature. Sitting bottoms at large oaks
Bongo drums, sparking your dark flavor.
A stranded home. Alone, there goes the vagabond. I’ve had enough
If I see you, it’s a waiver on sight. Get away, it’s alright
Veteran’s war crime. Not severing all ties, like tailors on strike

ethereal

enjoyed the rhyming/ juxtaposition very much

did not like adam bombs very much

Spoken · 07-16-2013, 05:38 AM

honestly youve just made a tidal wave crash the shores of NC my man... or like a tsunami.... you hve got such a poetic stride it compliments the wording and content you put together in this piece to come off with ease with the rhymescheme so the flow isnt stagnant my friend. props on this i really cant say much else other than honestly this being a nice read.. man props

Wise Wiggles · 07-16-2013, 07:44 AM

Dope

07-15-2013, 11:41 PM	#1
Zombie Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 125 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 2645340	Dipping my microships in gasoline sauce Ephemeral. A testament to your consecutive soft lies Whispered in the crevices that I could barely hard write You withered in the autumn weather, whispering an awesome fiddle Through the instruments you hardly whittled, I was playing third string. Warming the bench, while you were all warped in your sense. Bottled your demons, while you ran wild, vial as was tense Vile. It’s intense. I mean you were so lovely and dangerous Like being afloat the oceans, and have a palace built on a balanced glacier. Can you smell the explosive nature? If I had erasers, I’d erase anamnesis to shattered pieces, from that laughs received. It’s more than a avid feature. We had a future. We were supposed to… I’d time travel back to Garden Eden, and I swear to Jesus I’d grab eve and drop adam bombs, to our ever past and secret. Cause the snakes in the grass, is always meaner on the other side, it’s for real The rotten apple doesn’t fall from the tree. But the tree was built on a hill And that apple fell to the sea, and I just hope that apple was grown; into a beast And transfixed to my throat, cause my adams apple chokes on it’s spit, when I think on every single thing we had to conceive, we traveled the seas not literally though…. You just had to be weak. Metronome castle. Spoke a colorful and balanced laser You were the first flower to blossom brush strokes in your caricature, To me you were second nature. Sitting bottoms at large oaks Bongo drums, sparking your dark flavor. A stranded home. Alone, there goes the vagabond. I’ve had enough If I see you, it’s a waiver on sight. Get away, it’s alright Veteran’s war crime. Not severing all ties, like tailors on strike

07-15-2013, 11:49 PM	#2
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	Interesting... i don't really know how to feed this. was kindof a poetic style, not my cup a tea. hard for me to critique this or give props on... the rhyming was average but that wasn't what this was about. u had some interesting wordplays or puns on adam and eve and apples i guess.. idunno. it just left me feeling a little empty, like i don't really know what to think of it. its something im not used to style wize. Do yourself a favor and read all of Vulgar's drops in this section. He has like 4 or 5 in the last 2 weeks . I think you will like all of them man. sorry for the wack feed, check my piece in here right now and tell me what u think __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete. Last edited by CopyPat; 07-16-2013 at 12:03 AM.

07-15-2013, 11:51 PM	#3
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	99% amazing. The tailors on strike simile was off-putting compared to the tone and rest of the language of the piece. Explosive nature I didn't like for some reason, jarred me while reading it. Other than that the best piece I've read on this iteration of NC. I think I've said that about another piece before but that piece sucks. The adams apple theme in the middle was excellent, started off okay then really went somewhere with the adams apple line and imagery. Poignantly worded, full of regret. Something substantial amid the everyday drops around here. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

07-16-2013, 05:27 AM	#5
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	The rotten apple doesn’t fall from the tree. But the tree was built on a hill And that apple fell to the sea, and I just hope that apple was grown; into a beast And transfixed to my throat, cause my adams apple chokes on it’s spit, when I think on every single thing we had to conceive, we traveled the seas not literally though…. You just had to be weak. Metronome castle. Spoke a colorful and balanced laser You were the first flower to blossom brush strokes in your caricature, To me you were second nature. Sitting bottoms at large oaks Bongo drums, sparking your dark flavor. A stranded home. Alone, there goes the vagabond. I’ve had enough If I see you, it’s a waiver on sight. Get away, it’s alright Veteran’s war crime. Not severing all ties, like tailors on strike ethereal enjoyed the rhyming/ juxtaposition very much did not like adam bombs very much __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com

07-16-2013, 05:38 AM	#6
Spoken ...DA GAWD... Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,355 Battle Record: 13-34 Rep Power: 5860413	honestly youve just made a tidal wave crash the shores of NC my man... or like a tsunami.... you hve got such a poetic stride it compliments the wording and content you put together in this piece to come off with ease with the rhymescheme so the flow isnt stagnant my friend. props on this i really cant say much else other than honestly this being a nice read.. man props __________________ WP Po'ethics

07-16-2013, 12:46 AM	#4
Zombie Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 125 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 2645340	Thank you. That was rude, because I was the other piece. But you didn't know that. Also, thanks copypat. I will give it a loooooook.

07-16-2013, 07:44 AM	#7
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Dope __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"