Bored af

Poodz · 05-03-2014, 06:26 PM

Ima niggerish spic with a lyricsts wit
Plus I never give shits
So u know I'm finna blow like a finished lit wick
No RnR, I am so Orenthal...
I could write the book about killin this bitch
Are you gettin this shit?
Im A skilled freak monster coming off of the dome
A real g, mobster, yet never walked w/ the chrome
But don't get it twisted like contortionist bones
Fuckn w/ me ain't flirtn w/ death homey, u offering dome

Zen · 05-03-2014, 06:48 PM

This verse reminds me of just a bunch of dudes spitting freestyles on a corner. It was good when I pictured it like that but when comparing this to the other more well thought out verses it pales in comparison. My advice would be to read a few guys stuff and get a feel for the styles used here and then take your time on a verse. Stay active. Peace.

david stern razor burns · 05-03-2014, 08:34 PM

Actually not bad at all. Content was pretty standard and basic, the vocab was extremely simple.. and overall it was too short. On second thought, I guess this sucks then. There was elements I liked though.

"Im A skilled freak monster coming off of the dome
A real g, mobster, yet never walked w/ the chrome"

^That for example. I think mainly because of the whole bar flowing

Poodz · 05-03-2014, 11:41 PM

Thanks for the feedback. I focused more on flow for this cuz It's a song I'm working on.

Fig · 05-03-2014, 11:45 PM

dude this is pretty dope. Scheme wise, it's pretty good, but what's really great about this is how effortless it seems.

Poodz · 05-03-2014, 11:57 PM

thanks homey, there's more to it but I just put what I thought was the best part, still a work in progress.

Geno · 05-17-2014, 10:03 AM

836lji

05-03-2014, 06:26 PM	#1
Poodz Junior Member Join Date: May 2014 Posts: 5 Rep Power: 0	Bored af Ima niggerish spic with a lyricsts wit Plus I never give shits So u know I'm finna blow like a finished lit wick No RnR, I am so Orenthal... I could write the book about killin this bitch Are you gettin this shit? Im A skilled freak monster coming off of the dome A real g, mobster, yet never walked w/ the chrome But don't get it twisted like contortionist bones Fuckn w/ me ain't flirtn w/ death homey, u offering dome

05-03-2014, 11:45 PM	#5
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,461 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181562	dude this is pretty dope. Scheme wise, it's pretty good, but what's really great about this is how effortless it seems. __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

05-17-2014, 10:03 AM	#7
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	836lji __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

05-03-2014, 06:48 PM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	This verse reminds me of just a bunch of dudes spitting freestyles on a corner. It was good when I pictured it like that but when comparing this to the other more well thought out verses it pales in comparison. My advice would be to read a few guys stuff and get a feel for the styles used here and then take your time on a verse. Stay active. Peace.

05-03-2014, 08:34 PM	#3
david stern razor burns with razor spurs Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: At David Blaine's favorite place with David Spade and Macy Gray Posts: 87 Rep Power: 3750190	Actually not bad at all. Content was pretty standard and basic, the vocab was extremely simple.. and overall it was too short. On second thought, I guess this sucks then. There was elements I liked though. "Im A skilled freak monster coming off of the dome A real g, mobster, yet never walked w/ the chrome" ^That for example. I think mainly because of the whole bar flowing

05-03-2014, 11:41 PM	#4
Poodz Junior Member Join Date: May 2014 Posts: 5 Rep Power: 0	Thanks for the feedback. I focused more on flow for this cuz It's a song I'm working on.

05-03-2014, 11:57 PM	#6
Poodz Junior Member Join Date: May 2014 Posts: 5 Rep Power: 0	thanks homey, there's more to it but I just put what I thought was the best part, still a work in progress.