Short and Sweet

Wise Wiggles · 04-26-2014, 09:04 PM

.-/:(
And I've never been so close to death
This the list of Don'ts.. Regrets..
It's cool to love, just don't obsess
Go caress.. Poke the flesh.
Post reply for the too dope for text's
Hopes of you missing me. The goals I set
The gold is ex. I'm just so depressed
Alone. The yes. She moans to 'step
(O.o) I won't abject. Fuck it.
Open Ses' & point the poison lasers
Fuck taxes & fuck dying.. Is it all just coins & phrases?
Treat me like shit while I avoid my favorite
If I died for you, is it more courageous?
The void spreads. Doi, dead. Zoinked
Said them sweet nothings to keep the moist wet
Bad ones are all ya boy gets. Voice left shivers
Spinal tap keg. Eyes are mad grey
Short and sweet. Pile that yay for ya core belief
Smile sashays, still miles that way for the sheep
Aisle last days towards the whores that leave
Denial's a shallow grave. Still dive.
Kill vibes. You got potential. This a will thrive
Drill wives, milf's like pill lines.
Chem smart like bill nye. Dead <3 but a mill likes

Frank · 04-27-2014, 01:15 AM

Tldr####

PancakeBrah · 04-27-2014, 11:58 AM

"It's cool to love, just don't obsess"

"Open Ses' & point the poison lasers
Fuck taxes & fuck dying.. Is it all just coins & phrases?"

Stand outs to me.

This started off strong, a little different style than your normal drops. Shorter lines, still with the rapid fire multis and off-kilter content and rhyming words. I liked everything from the beginning to the 'Still Dive' rhyme scheme, which felt a little choppy and weaker content wise to me. So overall, a strong piece that lost a bit of steam at the end. Dope verse, enjoyed it.

dead man · 04-27-2014, 01:25 PM

Maybe you should call her

Fig · 04-27-2014, 02:12 PM

I agree with cake on the ending portion. More focus on rhyming than content, I think. But this was good overall. Short and sweet :) it was also relatable for anyone really and you expressed yourself well.

Wise Wiggles · 04-27-2014, 02:39 PM

yeah that last part was garbage. my apologies.

04-26-2014, 09:04 PM	#1
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Short and Sweet .-/:( And I've never been so close to death This the list of Don'ts.. Regrets.. It's cool to love, just don't obsess Go caress.. Poke the flesh. Post reply for the too dope for text's Hopes of you missing me. The goals I set The gold is ex. I'm just so depressed Alone. The yes. She moans to 'step (O.o) I won't abject. Fuck it. Open Ses' & point the poison lasers Fuck taxes & fuck dying.. Is it all just coins & phrases? Treat me like shit while I avoid my favorite If I died for you, is it more courageous? The void spreads. Doi, dead. Zoinked Said them sweet nothings to keep the moist wet Bad ones are all ya boy gets. Voice left shivers Spinal tap keg. Eyes are mad grey Short and sweet. Pile that yay for ya core belief Smile sashays, still miles that way for the sheep Aisle last days towards the whores that leave Denial's a shallow grave. Still dive. Kill vibes. You got potential. This a will thrive Drill wives, milf's like pill lines. Chem smart like bill nye. Dead <3 but a mill likes __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

04-27-2014, 01:15 AM	#2
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Tldr#### __________________ *VETWORK*

04-27-2014, 11:58 AM	#3
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	"It's cool to love, just don't obsess" "Open Ses' & point the poison lasers Fuck taxes & fuck dying.. Is it all just coins & phrases?" Stand outs to me. This started off strong, a little different style than your normal drops. Shorter lines, still with the rapid fire multis and off-kilter content and rhyming words. I liked everything from the beginning to the 'Still Dive' rhyme scheme, which felt a little choppy and weaker content wise to me. So overall, a strong piece that lost a bit of steam at the end. Dope verse, enjoyed it. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

04-27-2014, 01:25 PM	#4
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	Maybe you should call her __________________ Zack Wicks for president

04-27-2014, 02:12 PM	#5
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,461 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181562	I agree with cake on the ending portion. More focus on rhyming than content, I think. But this was good overall. Short and sweet :) it was also relatable for anyone really and you expressed yourself well. __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

04-27-2014, 02:39 PM	#6
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	yeah that last part was garbage. my apologies. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"