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#1 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
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I hog both armrests at the movie theater.
I'm a moving sleeper who rudely steals sheets after using reefer. I scribble indiscriminately in my looseleaf keeper. My shoes are usually sneakers that match my blueish T-shirts. But if I move to meet her, I'll probably look the part. And if her eyes are blue and deep, she'll probably hook my heart. I'm open book to start, unlike these awful bros, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take off your clothes. I scoff at profiles with broken grammar, but I'm too much of a dope to hold any ho to standards. I joke at random. My broken handle on social dynamics makes it difficult to hold your hand when mine is soaked with man-sweat. I'm embarrassed to be on here. I have friends in real life, too, but they're happy, while I'm ... on here. I haven't had sex twice in the same week in six months. And though I can whip up something about tryst love, let's face it: I'm mostly here to get my dick sucked. Last edited by Certain; 08-01-2013 at 01:11 AM. |
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#2 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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lol, i enjoyed this
first 4 lines scheme was real smooth. I also appreciate the progression of the rhymes movie/moving then u throw a nice little word affiliation in there with blue/deep/hook after that the scheme deviated a bit more, and threw me for a second bc of the drastic change in assonance, but the flow remained constant after that u kinda went a bit more comedic, but with like a half-jest (soaked in man-sweat) i wasn't crazy with the 'on here' repetition, but i get what u were saying/doing but although the tone changed a bit for me, the flow was fluent, an the way u ended it brought it together nicely. I also (u do this in other pieces as well) enjoyed the way u play with the scheming using internal rhymes n assonance, (skipping an end rhyme) its a bit unorthodox, but you execute it nicely, and it also allows for emphasis on the following rhymes (At least the way i read it.) I liked this though. Last edited by Rawn M.D.; 08-01-2013 at 02:10 AM. |
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#3 |
Mic Check
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hahah this was super sick man. i've been reading a bunch of ur shit in here and cypher etc and i really really dig it. you bring alot to the table in terms of what im usually looking for in text. your flows are complex with the scheming but always come out really smooth. that's something i always love. the content on this was fresh aswell. kinda like an internet dating parody. pretty funny. enjoyed ur candor as well hahaha. overall this was awesome man. please keep posting. i do have one criticism though which is the end felt like u gave up flow wize. like u wanted to have ur dick suck line as the end but couldn't figure out a good way to transition to it from the middle part.. so yeah almost felt like u just said fuck it for this section:
I'm embarrassed to be on here. I have friends in real life, too, but they're happy, while I'm ... on here. I haven't had sex twice in the same week in six months. And though I can whip up something about tryst love, let's face it: I'm mostly here to get my dick sucked last 3 lines were ok.. not as good as the rest of the piece. but this part I'm embarrassed to be on here. I have friends in real life, too, but they're happy, while I'm ... on here. really threw a wrench in to everything and kinda brought the flow to a hault regardless... one hiccup in an otherwise really good drop bro so nice one
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My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete. |
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#4 |
The Landlord
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,822
Battle Record: 12-10
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i actually dont think ur as clean n clever as everyone else, after reading your shit for my collab i expected to see some insane verses from you tbh. your flows cool but ur content is a bit dull and boring and is really simple at times imo and it seems like you string together rhymes for the sake of rhyme and not content plus you have forced multis its just ok this was cool man
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#5 | |
Senior Member
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Sho Money | Camp Bell This site is whack
Team Alpha EMG |
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#6 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 221
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God of War lol What a gay thing to say. Really has his finger on the pulse of everyone else's opinion. Needs to set the record straight on your undeserving hype.
This was dope. Showed some depth. Your word choices standout the most. You do seem to let the rhymes and words lead you, but that's a large part of writing. Especially poetry. |
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#7 |
The Landlord
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,822
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everything i said is what i believe, fuck u for assuming i cant say what i think
the content is boring to me, no matter how technical it is if its boring i dont like it,t hats my oppinion if u dont like it suck a fatty edit: look original poster i been up like 58 hours, i don't dig this i think its technically sound but its a bit dull is what i was trying to say, i think ur other joint is much nicer and actually dope. its my opinion is it different from the next mans? of course its allowed to be |
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#8 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 221
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I didn't say you couldn't say what you think. I made fun of you for saying the way you said it and for coming in here to comment on the state of this dude's popularity in polarity to your opinion of him.
I'm going to go suck on a fatty now. |
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#9 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
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Thanks, all. I don't think I'm all that clever, either, but there's no reason to fight about it.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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#10 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 408
Battle Record: 6-2
Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF
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lol calm down guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha!
This was pretty good! cS is absolutely right, no need to fight about it. Cause either way you guys both suck!!!!!! haha jk.... you guys are kewl dynamic awesome superrobotic forces. but srsly, i enjoyed this man, i like the way u describe certain things, it's ...different...like gow and void arguing..different..this whole thread..different........................... gow stop being mean telling ppl to suck a fatty. and void that wasnt nice even though he was aggressive then passive, we're all here for one thing only lol giraffes haha! duh -____- good job |
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#11 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 221
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I hate myself.
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#12 |
Sophomore Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 176
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lol =x no you dont
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#13 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 221
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I WASN'T FIGHTING. I WAS JUST SAYINGGGGGGG. Don't make my argu... discussions more serious than I already made them, you assholes. Go suck a fatty.
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#14 |
White Earl
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i fucks with your style. pretty dope in both of your recent threads. this one seems to be more of a simple settup delivery style than the other. which i enjoy, the other is dope for storytelling also.. justa whole different read about it.
had some good content in here that i enjoyed, set a really depressing tone to me. i dont know if its because i read it and though about ex's or just because of the way it was written or what... but to me thats a good display of copntrolling emotions. well done. will be on the lookout for more from you. thanks for feedng me and gows piece. 1
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