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-   Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)
-   -   OK, Cupid. (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=9527)

Certain 08-01-2013 01:07 AM

OK, Cupid.
 
I hog both armrests at the movie theater.
I'm a moving sleeper who rudely steals sheets after using reefer.
I scribble indiscriminately in my looseleaf keeper.
My shoes are usually sneakers that match my blueish T-shirts.
But if I move to meet her, I'll probably look the part.
And if her eyes are blue and deep, she'll probably hook my heart.
I'm open book to start, unlike these awful bros,
but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take off your clothes.
I scoff at profiles with broken grammar,
but I'm too much of a dope to hold any ho to standards.
I joke at random. My broken handle on social dynamics
makes it difficult to hold your hand when mine is soaked with man-sweat.
I'm embarrassed to be on here.
I have friends in real life, too,
but they're happy, while I'm ... on here.
I haven't had sex twice in the same week in six months.
And though I can whip up something about tryst love, let's face it:
I'm mostly here to get my dick sucked.

Rawn M.D. 08-01-2013 02:08 AM

lol, i enjoyed this
first 4 lines scheme was real smooth. I also appreciate the progression of the rhymes movie/moving
then u throw a nice little word affiliation in there with blue/deep/hook
after that the scheme deviated a bit more, and threw me for a second bc of the drastic change in assonance, but the flow remained constant
after that u kinda went a bit more comedic, but with like a half-jest (soaked in man-sweat)
i wasn't crazy with the 'on here' repetition, but i get what u were saying/doing
but although the tone changed a bit for me, the flow was fluent, an the way u ended it brought it together nicely.

I also (u do this in other pieces as well) enjoyed the way u play with the scheming using internal rhymes n assonance, (skipping an end rhyme) its a bit unorthodox, but you execute it nicely, and it also allows for emphasis on the following rhymes (At least the way i read it.)

I liked this though.

CopyPat 08-01-2013 03:14 AM

hahah this was super sick man. i've been reading a bunch of ur shit in here and cypher etc and i really really dig it. you bring alot to the table in terms of what im usually looking for in text. your flows are complex with the scheming but always come out really smooth. that's something i always love. the content on this was fresh aswell. kinda like an internet dating parody. pretty funny. enjoyed ur candor as well hahaha. overall this was awesome man. please keep posting. i do have one criticism though which is the end felt like u gave up flow wize. like u wanted to have ur dick suck line as the end but couldn't figure out a good way to transition to it from the middle part.. so yeah almost felt like u just said fuck it for this section:

I'm embarrassed to be on here.
I have friends in real life, too,
but they're happy, while I'm ... on here.
I haven't had sex twice in the same week in six months.
And though I can whip up something about tryst love, let's face it:
I'm mostly here to get my dick sucked

last 3 lines were ok.. not as good as the rest of the piece. but this part
I'm embarrassed to be on here.
I have friends in real life, too,
but they're happy, while I'm ... on here.

really threw a wrench in to everything and kinda brought the flow to a hault

regardless... one hiccup in an otherwise really good drop bro so nice one

God Of War 08-01-2013 07:04 AM

i actually dont think ur as clean n clever as everyone else, after reading your shit for my collab i expected to see some insane verses from you tbh. your flows cool but ur content is a bit dull and boring and is really simple at times imo and it seems like you string together rhymes for the sake of rhyme and not content plus you have forced multis its just ok this was cool man

Sho Money EMG 08-01-2013 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Certain Serpent (Post 108202)
I hog both armrests at the movie theater.
I'm a moving sleeper who rudely steals sheets after using reefer.
I scribble indiscriminately in my looseleaf keeper.
My shoes are usually sneakers that match my blueish T-shirts.

Wooo all of this had me leaning ... Dope shit feeling this a lot

But if I move to meet her, I'll probably look the part.
And if her eyes are blue and deep, she'll probably hook my heart.
I'm open book to start, unlike these awful bros,
but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take off your clothes.

Haha, great

I scoff at profiles with broken grammar,
but I'm too much of a dope to hold any ho to standards.
I joke at random. My broken handle on social dynamics
makes it difficult to hold your hand when mine is soaked with man-sweat.

Dynamics was a bit forced but the content is so solid it doesn't even matter

I'm embarrassed to be on here.
I have friends in real life, too,
but they're happy, while I'm ... on here.
I haven't had sex twice in the same week in six months.
And though I can whip up something about tryst love, let's face it:
I'm mostly here to get my dick sucked.

This was a great little drop man def enjoyed this and was feelin your flow and multies the whole verse... Very humorous as well which was cool... Keep dropping man

Void 08-01-2013 08:28 AM

God of War lol What a gay thing to say. Really has his finger on the pulse of everyone else's opinion. Needs to set the record straight on your undeserving hype.

This was dope. Showed some depth. Your word choices standout the most. You do seem to let the rhymes and words lead you, but that's a large part of writing. Especially poetry.

God Of War 08-01-2013 10:01 AM

everything i said is what i believe, fuck u for assuming i cant say what i think

the content is boring to me, no matter how technical it is if its boring i dont like it,t hats my oppinion if u dont like it suck a fatty


edit: look original poster i been up like 58 hours, i don't dig this i think its technically sound but its a bit dull is what i was trying to say, i think ur other joint is much nicer and actually dope. its my opinion is it different from the next mans? of course its allowed to be

Void 08-01-2013 12:35 PM

I didn't say you couldn't say what you think. I made fun of you for saying the way you said it and for coming in here to comment on the state of this dude's popularity in polarity to your opinion of him.

I'm going to go suck on a fatty now.

Certain 08-01-2013 12:42 PM

Thanks, all. I don't think I'm all that clever, either, but there's no reason to fight about it.

Darth Yoda 08-01-2013 02:53 PM

lol calm down guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha!

This was pretty good! cS is absolutely right, no need to fight about it. Cause either way you guys both suck!!!!!! haha jk.... you guys are kewl dynamic awesome superrobotic forces.

but srsly, i enjoyed this man, i like the way u describe certain things, it's ...different...like gow and void arguing..different..this whole thread..different...........................

gow stop being mean telling ppl to suck a fatty. and void that wasnt nice even though he was aggressive then passive, we're all here for one thing only

lol giraffes haha! duh -____-


good job

Void 08-01-2013 03:42 PM

I hate myself.

BWHAHA 08-01-2013 04:02 PM

lol =x no you dont

Void 08-01-2013 04:23 PM

I WASN'T FIGHTING. I WAS JUST SAYINGGGGGGG. Don't make my argu... discussions more serious than I already made them, you assholes. Go suck a fatty.

Geno 08-01-2013 08:47 PM

i fucks with your style. pretty dope in both of your recent threads. this one seems to be more of a simple settup delivery style than the other. which i enjoy, the other is dope for storytelling also.. justa whole different read about it.

had some good content in here that i enjoyed, set a really depressing tone to me. i dont know if its because i read it and though about ex's or just because of the way it was written or what... but to me thats a good display of copntrolling emotions. well done. will be on the lookout for more from you. thanks for feedng me and gows piece. 1


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