Bottle Cap Blues

CopyPat · 01-03-2014, 05:41 AM

It was harder than normal to open this beer. I started a porno, its loading…it’s here
Already plunked down when I yearned for a taste. So getting up now, was surely a waste
I got bottle cap blues after a long ass shift. And it’s all I can do, to have to not have a sip
But there's no f’n way I’m goin all the way up. Cause I know there’s plenty ways to open bottles with junk
I found a little knife that I could hopefully use. I’m scrounging with it like a guy that’s homeless would do
I’m panicking tryin to get this lid straight off. While attackin' my Heineken with switch blade saws
Finally! Crack! The greatest sound on the earth. I kinda lean back and take the bow I deserve
I’ll have one last gaze at this tall green beaut. Then it’s chug back pace till it all seems moot
Now I can relax, ass was busted this evening. Wow it hit me fast, but it was just what I needed
I soon realize the plan was crap to begin with. I'll need 2 or 3 supplied so now it’s back to the kitchen..

Certain · 01-03-2014, 05:43 AM

Heineken!

Heineken is terrible.

CopyPat · 01-03-2014, 05:53 AM

Thanks for the stellar feedback, i know u'll edit ur post though, at least i hope u do.

And wtf! Heineken is the beer of gods, theres something wrong with ur mouth.

dead man · 01-03-2014, 09:38 AM

heineken is delicious indeed. best thing out of holland.

this was awesome pat. i know exactly the type of feeling you had while writing this. nothing can beat that first post-work beer.

the first line, the homeless would do and switchblade saws were my favorite segments. you also switched your flow up a bit for this verse which was refreshing even in it's brevity.

dope as always man. legit made me thirsty for a heineken but i have not a one and its too fucking cold and probably too early to walk and get a 6-pack. oh well

thanks

Wise Wiggles · 01-03-2014, 09:45 AM

Cool short rhyming story my man

Exis · 01-04-2014, 06:00 AM

Lol...could be just me but I swear every time you do anythin' close to a topical it's about beer or food.This was a fun read man, it should appeal to most as a lot can relate to it but yeah this was a nice little flex.Your switch ups were pretty smooth and with the usual splatterin' of Multies flow wise shit was solid...enjoyable stuff.

And thanks for the feed bro,
Stay uppity.

CopyPat · 01-04-2014, 03:59 PM

hahaha ur basically right ex. but this ain't a topical homie, its just real life

zygote · 01-04-2014, 05:05 PM

Enjoyed the switch in rhyme scheme, limiting yourself to basically 2 huge multiple rhymes per line was a good technique, especially considering when you've usually written these with the rhymes extending on for many lines. By utilizing slanting rhymes you are able to create these fully rhyming lines - it is actually a proper thing called the "Holorime."

01-03-2014, 05:41 AM	#1
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	Bottle Cap Blues It was harder than normal to open this beer. I started a porno, its loading…it’s here Already plunked down when I yearned for a taste. So getting up now, was surely a waste I got bottle cap blues after a long ass shift. And it’s all I can do, to have to not have a sip But there's no f’n way I’m goin all the way up. Cause I know there’s plenty ways to open bottles with junk I found a little knife that I could hopefully use. I’m scrounging with it like a guy that’s homeless would do I’m panicking tryin to get this lid straight off. While attackin' my Heineken with switch blade saws Finally! Crack! The greatest sound on the earth. I kinda lean back and take the bow I deserve I’ll have one last gaze at this tall green beaut. Then it’s chug back pace till it all seems moot Now I can relax, ass was busted this evening. Wow it hit me fast, but it was just what I needed I soon realize the plan was crap to begin with. I'll need 2 or 3 supplied so now it’s back to the kitchen.. __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

01-03-2014, 05:43 AM	#2
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Heineken! Heineken is terrible. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

01-03-2014, 05:53 AM	#3
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	Thanks for the stellar feedback, i know u'll edit ur post though, at least i hope u do. And wtf! Heineken is the beer of gods, theres something wrong with ur mouth. __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

01-03-2014, 09:38 AM	#4
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	heineken is delicious indeed. best thing out of holland. this was awesome pat. i know exactly the type of feeling you had while writing this. nothing can beat that first post-work beer. the first line, the homeless would do and switchblade saws were my favorite segments. you also switched your flow up a bit for this verse which was refreshing even in it's brevity. dope as always man. legit made me thirsty for a heineken but i have not a one and its too fucking cold and probably too early to walk and get a 6-pack. oh well thanks __________________ Zack Wicks for president

01-03-2014, 09:45 AM	#5
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Cool short rhyming story my man __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

01-04-2014, 06:00 AM	#6
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Lol...could be just me but I swear every time you do anythin' close to a topical it's about beer or food.This was a fun read man, it should appeal to most as a lot can relate to it but yeah this was a nice little flex.Your switch ups were pretty smooth and with the usual splatterin' of Multies flow wise shit was solid...enjoyable stuff. And thanks for the feed bro, Stay uppity.

01-04-2014, 03:59 PM	#7
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	hahaha ur basically right ex. but this ain't a topical homie, its just real life __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

01-04-2014, 05:05 PM	#8
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Enjoyed the switch in rhyme scheme, limiting yourself to basically 2 huge multiple rhymes per line was a good technique, especially considering when you've usually written these with the rhymes extending on for many lines. By utilizing slanting rhymes you are able to create these fully rhyming lines - it is actually a proper thing called the "Holorime."