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08-05-2013, 06:35 PM
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#1 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Zooyork
Posts: 2,124
Battle Record: 7-12
Rep Power: 0    |
Paper Chase ft. Rawn
Paper chase
Shogun For this hopeless check? I hold my breath till my face is pale... While im unaware, u see Sho cut from the air without a Dave Chapelle... Driving myself crazy, although the signs say I'm well... but If the love for money is the route of all evil than I'm on the highway to hell... Known as jason bourne just fighting to escape the storm... Burning trees to a third degree - no wonder im chasing more and my paper gone... Red white and blue, might confuse what type of war you might explore... Nowadays its the color green that some it seems is all your fighting for... I'm twice as poor as I was the night before, with no steady income... No matter how much u try to change or find a way its already been done... Spending time to spend money, till ur life is spent... So just accept, and hope that in death you get to live a life again... Rawn - The games over when we out for that payola beatin on ya bitch till my bed’s spring break like Daytona with an eighth rolled up, on a hunt for those ends black card, senior discount the way we dish out hundred n tens with a love to just spend, till our pockets light bitches stop on site, need a Zamboni machine to even rock my ice my lodge is nice, ride on nothing but yachts n bikes high speed, fast life; learn from my misfortune but forgot its price get that VIP treatment wherever we be at feet up with the seat back eating gourmet fileted chilien sea bass we be that; money motivated for the payment because the grass is always greener for the team that turns the rake in
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Sho Money | Camp Bell This site is whack
Team Alpha EMG Last edited by Sho Money EMG; 08-05-2013 at 09:26 PM. |
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08-05-2013, 09:25 PM
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#2 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Zooyork
Posts: 2,124
Battle Record: 7-12
Rep Power: 0 |
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Sho Money | Camp Bell This site is whack
Team Alpha EMG Last edited by Sho Money EMG; 08-05-2013 at 09:39 PM. |
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08-06-2013, 01:56 AM
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#3 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 18
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 0 |
Pretty dope lines, Y'all complimented each others style pretty well, but I think both of you kind of fell off a little on the end, not to say it wasn't still dope, but was hoping for more BANG at the end :-D
Not bad at all though, good solid rhyme style, good flow... nice imagery... props to both y'all |
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08-06-2013, 04:47 AM
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#4 |
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Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899406   |
I didn't really think the verses went together. Shogun Dinero's verse was about searching for something meaningful. It didn't always connect, but there were a few good thoughts in it. Your wording definitely needs to be tightened up a bit to make your wordplay more effective.
Rawn M.D.'s verse was swag and flow, and it was good at that. Is this the second verse of yours I've read with a mention of Chilean sea bass? The spring break line was good. Both of you write like you're battling, with the short setup carrying all the weight for the flow before a longer punchline that often wasn't a punchline at all.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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08-06-2013, 11:04 AM
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#5 |
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Guest
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08-08-2013, 06:43 PM
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#6 |
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SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,480
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899407 |
No need for back to back bumps tbh.
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Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder |
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08-09-2013, 01:11 AM
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#7 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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thanks for the feeed, much appreciated.
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08-09-2013, 02:12 AM
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#8 |
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Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
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Rep Power: 49604320 |
Gamblini, cool verse. You opened up with a solid first bar, then from there had some chill statements. The ending line was needlessly depressing, IMO.
Known as jason bourne just fighting to escape the storm... Burning trees to a third degree - no wonder im chasing more and my paper gone... ^felt this. Rawnaldo, lol @ your entirely different direction than Gamble. It was alright but overall these two small keystyles lacked chemistry. my lodge is nice, ride on nothing but yachts n bikes high speed, fast life; learn from my misfortune but forgot its price ^that was neat. Cool collab. |
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08-14-2013, 02:55 AM
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#9 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Zooyork
Posts: 2,124
Battle Record: 7-12
Rep Power: 0 |
Feed?
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Sho Money | Camp Bell This site is whack
Team Alpha EMG |
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11-02-2013, 08:23 PM
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#10 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Zooyork
Posts: 2,124
Battle Record: 7-12
Rep Power: 0 |
uP
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Sho Money | Camp Bell This site is whack
Team Alpha EMG |
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11-03-2013, 11:59 AM
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#11 |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,898
Battle Record: 27-22
Rep Power: 85899399 |
I don't think anyone wants to feed this guys, for whatever reason.
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http://split8.yolasite.com |
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