Twin Tourney Regular Division Semi Finals: John Dillinger vs Etherwave -OPEN FOR VOTES

[Dominate]

Welcome to the Twin Tourney - Topical Division!

This round we have four competitors duking it out for a coveted spot in the final.

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Monday
Extensions are 24 hours


Line Limit:

8 Minimum, 12 Maximum

@John Dillinger @Etherwave

[Etherwave]

Heard

[John Dillinger]

Ya whole personality is giving it up, lil welfare sleazy hoe
Slut’s taken more Shots to the Back lately than that healthcare CEO
You just know that shit is stank, like a moldy green cheddar scent
Seen this bitch open her legs & been repulsed by grilled cheese ever since
Loud and ugly, no amount of makeup could hide the shame
Ain’t talkin jacking styles when I say no one tryna ride ya Wave
You should be taken out, of this world, not some horny datin’ shit
Rail u then toss you Underground, that’s word to your shorty Harriet
Them voters musta been drunk, how u champ a league, some luck dude
Cuz u ain’t Bomb Bae - it just takes gallons of that gin to wanna fuck you

[Etherwave]

Another goofy ass boy coming for me by attacking my sex, starting my villain arc imma be worse than lex. This nigga John Dillinger a pililgrim, come to pillage like his people. It's just in his blood and I came to spill it like my equals. He a nobody. Imma put So many holes in this boy til he see through. He already a ghost. He a pig, I'm starting the roast. I'm a wig out and rip out his throat. I'm known to trip without letting shit go. I wouldn't fuck you you should already know, you acting like diddy and it's starting to show.

[Regulator]

I didn't feel anything from etherwave, your verse is just a run on sentence my dude, the opener was enough for john dillinger to win. gallons of the gin is mid but a good finishing attack, mvgt jon dillinger.

[Dope girl]

Etherwave is ok I'll it 7/10
it could have been better with more spice

JD - I'll give it 8/10
energy fresh and clean


vote-JD

[ACTIVATE SELF]

John Dillinger:

Ya whole personality is giving it up, lil welfare sleazy hoe
Slut’s taken more Shots to the Back lately than that healthcare CEO

That was nice. Relevant and well executed.

You just know that shit is stank, like a moldy green cheddar scent
Seen this bitch open her legs & been repulsed by grilled cheese ever since

Graphic, Kind of funny. Good set up and execution.

Loud and ugly, no amount of makeup could hide the shame
Ain’t talkin jacking styles when I say no one tryna ride ya Wave

Solid name-play.

You should be taken out, of this world, not some horny datin’ shit
Rail u then toss you Underground, that’s word to your shorty Harriet

Underground railroad, rail's a double entendre, Harriet Tubman bar. I see the play, but it didn't hit as hard as it could've.

Them voters musta been drunk, how u champ a league, some luck dude
Cuz u ain’t Bomb Bae - it just takes gallons of that gin to wanna fuck

It's was almost there but didn't quite deliver. I get the play on words, but the impact was null.

Etherwave:

Another goofy ass boy coming for me by attacking my sex,
starting my villain arc imma be worse than lex.

The diss didn't land. It felt more like a flex, than a punch.

This nigga John Dillinger a pililgrim, come to pillage like his people.
It's just in his blood and I came to spill it like my equals.

Same as above.

He a nobody. Imma put So many holes in this boy til he see through.
He already a ghost. He a pig, I'm starting the roast.

You have to be more creative and imagnitive with your insults. 0% damage was dealt to your opponent. 5% at best.

I'm a wig out and rip out his throat.
I'm known to trip without letting shit go.
I wouldn't fuck you you should already know,
you acting like diddy and it's starting to show.

This might have some bite to it in person, depending on how you deliver it or the theatrics of your performance. But in text-form it has zero impact.

Vote:
Ether's layout was going to ensure a loss from the start. Plus she had no real punches or personals of note. JD had a much more cohesive verse with solid punches and humor. Easy win.

Ether, you're a fine topical writer but clearly new to the text scene. I'm sure you'll improve with more battles under your belt.

[fraze]

Originally Posted by John Dillinger

Ya whole personality is giving it up, lil welfare sleazy hoe
Slut’s taken more Shots to the Back lately than that healthcare CEO
cool current events punch. way to open up with the misogny lol
You just know that shit is stank, like a moldy green cheddar scent
Seen this bitch open her legs & been repulsed by grilled cheese ever since
pretty gross concept. don't love it. relating cheese to cheddar isn't very clever
Loud and ugly, no amount of makeup could hide the shame
Ain’t talkin jacking styles when I say no one tryna ride ya Wave
flow is there. not feeling the punch
You should be taken out, of this world, not some horny datin’ shit
Rail u then toss you Underground, that’s word to your shorty Harriet
this isn't very good
Them voters musta been drunk, how u champ a league, some luck dude
Cuz u ain’t Bomb Bae - it just takes gallons of that gin to wanna fuck you
punch is decent but you didn't really set it up well.

Originally Posted by Etherwave

Another goofy ass boy coming for me by attacking my sex,
starting my villain arc imma be worse than lex.
not enough heat on the punchline
This nigga John Dillinger a pililgrim, come to pillage like his people.
It's just in his blood and I came to spill it like my equals.
you're setting up an interesting concept in the first bar but don't do much with it. think of each bar as a mini-topical with a point youre trying to get across. slightly different from audio rap verses, while braggadocio and swagger are appreciated, a strong diss usually works better
He a nobody. Imma put So many holes in this boy til he see through.
He already a ghost. He a pig, I'm starting the roast.
This has a lot of potential. Only problem is the wording. It's almost like the bar is inverted with the punch in the first bar and setup/filler in the 2nd. there's no rule saying you can't do this but most lines land harder when you end on the diss.
I'm a wig out and rip out his throat. I'm known to trip without letting shit go. I wouldn't fuck you you should already know, you acting like diddy and it's starting to show.
like the energy of the setup bar. the punch doesn't do much for me, but the concept was ok. you're sacrificing a little bit of execution on the punch to keep the rhymes flowing

John D. You clearly know have the technical skill for text battles but your angles started feeling pretty redundant after about the 3rd "you suck cause you're a girl punchline". If you battled any male textcee with the primary concept being "you suck cause you're a guy" i don't think it would work. Which is why people tend to vary their concepts. Taking this strategy just because your opponent is female is kind of a cop out on digging for more creative concepts. Don't sell your talent short.

Etherwave. It shows a bit that this isn't your native format, and the thing that is hurting is the fairly unforgiving nature of the structure of the format (no diss, I am have a similar personal experience with text battles). Effective battle verses need punchlines and disses. Over time this became the focus of the form and it standard around the 2-line bar, setup/punchline format that is ubiquitous in text battles now. This is more for practicality than anything, as it helps readers understand and identify the concept being attempted in each bar. Without formatting your verse, readers will tend to get lost and miss the punchlines. Some people will grade your more harshly simply from not fitting the format (more because it makes voting harder than out of spite tbh).

Vote: John D. He had the better battle verse even though it was very one dimensional. Etherwave has a lot of potential but is still adapting to the format. I'm interested to see more from her, but I think her success is limited to some extent by her approach in this specific writing format.

[symetrik]

Ain’t talkin jacking styles when I say no one tryna ride ya Wave

vs

He a pig, I'm starting the roast. I'm a wig out and rip out his throat. I'm known to trip without letting shit go.

I lean towards lines targetting an opponent, which John did much more of.

that said, the lines Ether wrote could have won in an in person battle with the right show(wo)manship.

mvgt John

[Saint]

Etherwave: You have aggression w/ a couple decent-ish concepts but eh amateur way of executing them i.e Diddy line.. I feel you're at a disadvantage against seasoned battlers coming from topic side of things

JD - more netcee friendly style, setup/concept worded well enough. Opener was decent use of a done angle...bomb.bae was OK too

Vote John D

[brokenhal0]

etherwave stick to ethering your definelty my favorite artist on bandlab i played a few of your songs for random people and no on complained the hidden messages where so cool
no forreal he/shes such a vibe


John Dillinger i wanna see if your topicals are as good as your battle skils easy work nice style


Vote - John dillenger
..

[Dominate]

Ya whole personality is giving it up, lil welfare sleazy hoe
Slut’s taken more Shots to the Back lately than that healthcare CEO
Cool. Simple flip but it’s a recent event and it’s executed well.
It works.
You just know that shit is stank, like a moldy green cheddar scent
Seen this bitch open her legs & been repulsed by grilled cheese ever since
lol. Okay.
Loud and ugly, no amount of makeup could hide the shame
Ain’t talkin jacking styles when I say no one tryna ride ya Wave
alright name flip. Getting a little bit redundant conceptually punch wise
You should be taken out, of this world, not some horny datin’ shit
Rail u then toss you Underground, that’s word to your shorty Harriet
Rhyme was a little off to me. Minor distraction from what was otherwise a pretty good bar. The topical folks might not be familiar with “rail” as a term for “shoot”. Good attack bar.

Them voters musta been drunk, how u champ a league, some luck dude
Cuz u ain’t Bomb Bae - it just takes gallons of that gin to wanna fuck you
Prob your cleanest wordplay and strongest bar. Good stuff


Ether - I’m not sure it makes sense to do a line by line breakdown for your verse since yours wasn’t structured into that same set up/punchline format. I think your instincts are good here - you’ve nailed the “tone” you want to hit in a battle verse which is something I’ve seen most topical writers struggle with when trying to cross over to battles. I liked “put So many holes in this boy til he see through.” And “He a pig. I’m starting the roast” was also a decent wordplay. Some other lines were a bit too generic or focused on self hype. You’ve been bested here but I thank you for giving this a go and hope you’ll try again in the next one.

V/ John

[Dominate]

John wins 7-0