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03-21-2015, 07:53 PM
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#1 |
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Detained
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 234
Battle Record: 2-3
Rep Power: 0   |
Why so srs
As our mortal world turns ever so on
it's axis There are forces at work designed to distract us. From the illuminated ones power, to the herds of sheep How come we can't remember our dreams when we sleep Staying awake at night hoping I don't go under covers Visions of how we fell, we failed to support each other We bailed.. Brother to brother, turned a cheek & ran from revolution The plan was to execute it But we got cold feet.. GOTDAMN we couldn't do it As a whole generation our foundation cracked a little But the chink in the armor dug in its roots Scurried to the back of the minds of the youth We're it remained dormant for years until it heard "Dont shoot" "I can't breathe" please Father please tell me the truth Is there killing go on, why does it come down to you Are you the savior in our favor, shit then s end me a coup Cause I need a reason to see the heathens bleeding in a stoop I'm rude. |
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03-22-2015, 08:20 PM
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#2 |
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SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,480
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899407   |
Not so great.
__________________
Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder |
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03-22-2015, 10:54 PM
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#3 | |
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Detained
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 234
Battle Record: 2-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
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03-24-2015, 07:57 PM
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#4 |
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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,956
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
The lyrics at the end are bad i.m.o. Seems like you just wanted to finish.
But I feel like if you flowed it more evenly, the begging and middle are good rhymes. I.e. turning 4 lines into 1. As our mortal world turns ever so on it's axis There are forces at work designed to distract us. As our mortal world turns ever so on it's axis There are forces at work designed to distract us. It's one sentence anyway. Just how i saw it |
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