07-15-2019, 08:20 PM | #1 |
Tsk Tsk
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Summer Classic Topical: Round 1: 5. Blue Bayou Vs. 12. Adonis [Blue 5-0]
SUMMARY OF RULES: Verses are due MONDAY JULY 22nd at 11:59P.M. Pacific/West Coast or TUESDAY 2:59 AM Eastern / 7:59 AM TUESDAY Central European/London MAXIMUM 2 extensions granted upon request in this tournament Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words). Votes are due THURSDAY at 11:59 p.m. Western Pacific / or FRIDAY 2:59 PM Eastern / 7:59 AM FRIDAY Central European/London Failure to vote will result in negative votes the following round if you win....See rules thread for explanation All competitors must vote on THREE battles Read the full rules here! Topic: Must Check-in by WEDNESDAY July 17th or be replaced @Blue Bayou Adonis G/Luck
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I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 07-25-2019 at 09:10 PM. |
07-22-2019, 03:26 PM | #2 |
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the sky was ombré, a sad reminder played on the ondes martenots
though our imaginations can take us anywhere, sadly our body parts can not long gone are days of wonder, that subtle symmetry in youth we’ll never see a time when misery is through due to the Ministry of Truth Ampleforth was my brother, known detractor of the modus operendi I’m scared we’ll suffer the same fate & time is totally against me all has been seen, call it routine. Big Brother ruling our existence a brolic regime, diabolical schemes. clemency eschewing with insistence true thought’s a delusion, discarded and tucked away in an attic the religious ficticious, Oceania reigns supreme say the fanatics policing our mind, preaching the rhyme & they speak it so well hide & go seek, they spy & go speak.. to Big Brother our secrets they tell Big Brother is watching you! a power as prolific as Oz enriched in façade they’ve wiped clean the texts & existence of God humanity torn at the seams, totalitarianism replaced the lord almighty the flood and the arc changed to propaganda that war is so inviting buried to never see the surface, not a single speckle of light faith in divine creation lost in it’s plight consumed in a temple of rights you’ll never be referred to again, your name will never be seen God it’s like you’ve never existed, Lord it’s like you never have been
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"I shit myself
I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback Uve won" -kungfugrip Last edited by Blue Bayou; 07-22-2019 at 03:51 PM. |
07-23-2019, 09:49 PM | #3 |
Tsk Tsk
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Static lines transmit such a beautiful hue
A jumbling tube captures my view Patiently waiting a single glimpse of a boob Just a youth being aloof, bunny ears search the cue Imagine imagining, thoughts all come free Being lost in a breeze watching rustling leaves A buzzing that beams, natures fluttering wings Patterning beats, a card tied to spokes, peddles that sing Think of a dream, cosmic cosmonaut Lost in a thought, killing time, want to watch? A knight of the day; each night, new foray Skipping stones by a lake reflecting moon off a wake That’s rippling time getting moved by a date Not a couple but mate, two become one Ironic cuz, two become three, that child is we Entertaining can be, a vice or clamp-free Come, despise the masses like me Tactics that seek the actionless beings I pen stories, come see, Monolithic Monologues Tune your dial. Let’s BE
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I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 07-23-2019 at 10:12 PM. |
07-24-2019, 04:50 AM | #4 |
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Blue, first topical ive seen from you, your so profilic in battling so I didn’t know what to expect. the piece is very thoughtful, flows well, very easy to read. the idea of religion being wiped out from humanity is quite thought provoking n a great topic to take on, I think more could have been done here but ill take it.
Adonis, short and sweet, some nice imagery, (your forte) nice feel to it at times, its a formula that only really works if the opponent comes with a huge convoluted piece to overshadow it with (your) simplicity, probably not enough engaging as the other verse so tactic didn’t work this time. “Being lost in a breeze watching rustling leaves A buzzing that beams, natures fluttering wings”… niicee btw v/ blue, just a lil more engaging |
07-24-2019, 07:07 AM | #5 |
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blue:
dope vocab and you really ran it home with emotion.. great depiction of a society torn by its control it felt like if you were to spit it it would come out in one breath.. very fluent I am glad to have seen you do a topical piece.. Adonis: great ender this was very poetic lol to the extreme.. def had a nice heart beat to it that projected the reader along smoothly.. vocab was on point and the subtle story was def inspiring.. Creativity-- adonis Entertainment-- blue bayou Flow-- adonis Rhyme Scheme-- adonis Consistency/Topic-- blue bayou Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- blue bayou Emotion-- blue bayou Imagery-- blue bayou Vote-- blue bayou
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curious más curioso y más curioso
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07-24-2019, 12:25 PM | #6 | ||
Badgerdick
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Blue: I find it funny that these guys only associate you with battling because some don’t know about your early forays into topicals. I know. ;-)
The more punchline-esque execution is still evident here from your text battling, it’s clear from the opening couplet (to me) with the body parts line. I enjoyed you mixing up the language somewhat to go with some less conventional word choices, it kept my interest from a reading perspective, and the Big Brother Jules Verne references weren’t lost on me either. There’s times where I can appreciate what you’re doing from a rhyme scheme/mechanics/technical standpoint like this snippet: Quote:
Adonis - I agree that the imagery and concise wording here helped make this a battle. You kind of saw what your opponent had and went the opposite way to him, almost playing to your strengths and his perceived weaknesses, you had a degree of success with it too here I have to say - it had a Deadman-ness quality to it with stuff like the “card tied to spokes” of a child’s bicycle wheel. It was a nostalgia toned slice of visual imagery that resonated and no doubt some will relate to. I’d say the stylistic differences between you made this battle more interesting, to me personally, with both kind of taking a more “topical” take - Blue relying more heavily on the mechanics side and Adonis maybe the more poetic vibe. I liked aspects of both, Blue’s more punchy style and wording vs Adonis stuff like “Imagine imagining,” and the visual imagery he delivered with stuff like the peddles that sing and those wittier turns of phrase like “Knight of the day,” and “Killing time, care to watch?” that Blue himself would probably look at sceptically given his more battle orientated background but I enjoyed those snippets throughout. This isn’t clear cut, for me at least, and the two separate executions are what made me want to elaborate further on this vote here to decide a winner. This stuff from Adonis is when he’s hitting his stride: Quote:
Keep those pens moving! Last edited by Diablo; 07-24-2019 at 01:09 PM. |
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07-25-2019, 06:58 PM | #7 |
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Blue had a cool verse, it was short but not really lacking anything which isn't easy to do. There were some pretty unique turns of phrase in there and solid rhyming throughout. I enjoyed it more for the thought provoking ideas rather than any story line...it was more of a rant than anything else, but it worked. 'Hide & Go seek...they spy and go speak' was fire.
Adonis I liked this but it really was rushed which is no surprise given that you are a stand in. I think with a little more time you could have really fleshed this out in to something fuller. Even still to you had some lines in there that were very poetically beautiful and the imagery of the butterfly, the card tied to spokes in a wheel, skipping stones in a lake...they were all very vivid images and appealed to me hugely. I liked those lines. Cool battle...Adonis came up a little short but props to him for stepping up at the last minute. Vote Blue.
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07-25-2019, 09:08 PM | #8 |
Tsk Tsk
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I concede because I voted blue in the mag as well. So 5-0 knockout. Good shit
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I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR |
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