GRAVE

dead man · 08-20-2014, 09:22 PM

999

i wrote a dissertation and i labeled it death
coffee smoke and alcohol to make it correct
its almost like an algorithm, maybe it's less
more like tendencies and habits that will lay me to rest
known to be repetitive like gospel or song
peeling back the skin to let a concept evolve
i killed the bottle and laughed. i felt resurgence, resolve
now walk away. it's not your murder to solve. dirt in my palm
toss it in your casket like a personal offering
pencil to the paper once the curtains are drawn
many tagalong and bottomfeed like urchins or moss
follow my distortion like it's sermon or psalm
it's foolish now to recreate what's destined to change
see: weathervanes and everyday affectionate gazes
set in your ways. i hate you but i want you to stay
i want you to stop me before i lock me away
sobbing while i polish my cage. it's not my gospel to praise
it's not constant malaise. it's like a wash in the rain
as toxic as it is we idolize it the same
follow me, the real odyssey, a walk to your grave

DEADMAN

DexLabb · 08-21-2014, 01:46 PM

MAN UR COOL

Adonis · 08-21-2014, 07:42 PM

Enjoyed. Raw emotion and good use of loose flow. This personal verses always irk me going on, but if they are done right with solid writing then I forget the hate I have for them and recognize it as just a verse. Good shit. Short and sweet.

Give Deconstructing Yahweh feed pls

Sho Money EMG · 08-22-2014, 12:59 AM

i wrote a dissertation and i labeled it death
coffee smoke and alcohol to make it correct
its almost like an algorithm, maybe it's less
more like tendencies and habits that will lay me to rest

Fire

known to be repetitive like gospel or song
peeling back the skin to let a concept evolve
i killed the bottle and laughed. i felt resurgence, resolve
now walk away. it's not your murder to solve. dirt in my palm

Lol too sick man

toss it in your casket like a personal offering
pencil to the paper once the curtains are drawn
many tagalong and bottomfeed like urchins or moss
follow my distortion like it's sermon or psalm

Lol illllll

it's foolish now to recreate what's destined to change
see: weathervanes and everyday affectionate gazes
set in your ways. i hate you but i want you to stay
i want you to stop me before i lock me away
sobbing while i polish my cage. it's not my gospel to praise
it's not constant malaise. it's like a wash in the rain
as toxic as it is we idolize it the same
follow me, the real odyssey, a walk to your grave

This was rdicuus black... never seems to disappoint

CopyPat · 08-22-2014, 01:06 AM

dope bro. feelings and coffee, lmao.

so smooth and easy to read. that is a given. i would LOVE to see u intensify your rhyme schemes man. i know you write to make a point and its all about the content but it would be cool to see you expand ur syllables a little cause i bet it would be dope AF.
u keep on churning out solid gold records! never stop!

@El Pancake

Vulgar · 08-27-2014, 06:57 PM

lol this was a trench coat in the fog 'THIS IS WHO I AM!' type of drop. It served its purpose and the wording was on point.

see: weathervanes and everyday affectionate gazes
^best part.

dead man · 08-31-2014, 11:30 PM

love

NYCSPITZ · 09-01-2014, 12:43 AM

god shit

Pharaohs Army · 09-01-2014, 01:37 AM

props; very smooth. authentic.

pencil to the paper once the curtains are drawn
many tagalong and bottomfeed like urchins or moss

i like that couplet due to it's imperfect nature, but when said phonetically it can be molded into exactness. if you know what i mean.

follow my distortion like it's sermon or psalm
it's foolish now to recreate what's destined to change

i might just be a "nerd for verses", the crafting, but i kind of "read into" that a bit, seeing a double meaning which points out the changing of the end rhyme. i doubt that was your intent, but either way i thought it was cool.

Clayray · 09-01-2014, 03:36 AM

The Flow was like cool n shit, I want to see more of your writing tbh.

08-20-2014, 09:22 PM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	GRAVE 999 i wrote a dissertation and i labeled it death coffee smoke and alcohol to make it correct its almost like an algorithm, maybe it's less more like tendencies and habits that will lay me to rest known to be repetitive like gospel or song peeling back the skin to let a concept evolve i killed the bottle and laughed. i felt resurgence, resolve now walk away. it's not your murder to solve. dirt in my palm toss it in your casket like a personal offering pencil to the paper once the curtains are drawn many tagalong and bottomfeed like urchins or moss follow my distortion like it's sermon or psalm it's foolish now to recreate what's destined to change see: weathervanes and everyday affectionate gazes set in your ways. i hate you but i want you to stay i want you to stop me before i lock me away sobbing while i polish my cage. it's not my gospel to praise it's not constant malaise. it's like a wash in the rain as toxic as it is we idolize it the same follow me, the real odyssey, a walk to your grave DEADMAN __________________ Zack Wicks for president

08-21-2014, 01:46 PM	#2
DexLabb song genius Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 377 Rep Power: 0	MAN UR COOL __________________ ZOOM IN ON THAT ASS LIKE BINOCULARS

08-21-2014, 07:42 PM	#3
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Enjoyed. Raw emotion and good use of loose flow. This personal verses always irk me going on, but if they are done right with solid writing then I forget the hate I have for them and recognize it as just a verse. Good shit. Short and sweet. Give Deconstructing Yahweh feed pls __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

08-22-2014, 12:59 AM	#4
Sho Money EMG Senior Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: Zooyork Posts: 2,124 Battle Record: 7-12 Rep Power: 0	i wrote a dissertation and i labeled it death coffee smoke and alcohol to make it correct its almost like an algorithm, maybe it's less more like tendencies and habits that will lay me to rest Fire known to be repetitive like gospel or song peeling back the skin to let a concept evolve i killed the bottle and laughed. i felt resurgence, resolve now walk away. it's not your murder to solve. dirt in my palm Lol too sick man toss it in your casket like a personal offering pencil to the paper once the curtains are drawn many tagalong and bottomfeed like urchins or moss follow my distortion like it's sermon or psalm Lol illllll it's foolish now to recreate what's destined to change see: weathervanes and everyday affectionate gazes set in your ways. i hate you but i want you to stay i want you to stop me before i lock me away sobbing while i polish my cage. it's not my gospel to praise it's not constant malaise. it's like a wash in the rain as toxic as it is we idolize it the same follow me, the real odyssey, a walk to your grave This was rdicuus black... never seems to disappoint __________________ Sho Money \| Camp Bell Team Alpha EMG This site is whack

08-22-2014, 01:06 AM	#5
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	dope bro. feelings and coffee, lmao. so smooth and easy to read. that is a given. i would LOVE to see u intensify your rhyme schemes man. i know you write to make a point and its all about the content but it would be cool to see you expand ur syllables a little cause i bet it would be dope AF. u keep on churning out solid gold records! never stop! @El Pancake __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete. Last edited by CopyPat; 08-22-2014 at 01:22 AM. Reason: @el pancake

08-27-2014, 06:57 PM	#6
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	lol this was a trench coat in the fog 'THIS IS WHO I AM!' type of drop. It served its purpose and the wording was on point. see: weathervanes and everyday affectionate gazes ^best part.

08-31-2014, 11:30 PM	#7
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	love __________________ Zack Wicks for president

09-01-2014, 12:43 AM	#8
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,031 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743547	god shit __________________ UNIFIED THEORY

09-01-2014, 01:37 AM	#9
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	props; very smooth. authentic. pencil to the paper once the curtains are drawn many tagalong and bottomfeed like urchins or moss i like that couplet due to it's imperfect nature, but when said phonetically it can be molded into exactness. if you know what i mean. follow my distortion like it's sermon or psalm it's foolish now to recreate what's destined to change i might just be a "nerd for verses", the crafting, but i kind of "read into" that a bit, seeing a double meaning which points out the changing of the end rhyme. i doubt that was your intent, but either way i thought it was cool.

09-01-2014, 03:36 AM	#10
Clayray 6ft of Seperation Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 1,541 Battle Record: 3-5 Champed - Faggot of the Year (2015) Rep Power: 0	The Flow was like cool n shit, I want to see more of your writing tbh.

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