WEEK THIRTEEN: SOULÉ (0-1) vs FRANK (6-2) VS DEAD MAN (2-0) FRANKS WINS 4-2-0

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK THIRTEEN

@Soulé @Frank


Verse Due: FRIDAY JULY 15TH @ 11:59PM

Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:








GOOD LUCK

[Soule]

@Frank

Wanna do 100 max and go all out? If it's cool with @Adverse of course.

[Soule]

Gaia, or what's left of the statue of the Earth Goddess,
weeps into tiny springs that pour across the road ahead.
A monk and her company observe, as the dirt washes,
without a word cautioned, they watch tadpoles spread.
Her boots, soaked, begin to get that uncomfortable grip,
she maintains a functional grin, baring through annoyance.
Focused on untouchable myths, with her lovable friends,
a black cat and an elephant, orphans consumed, poisoned.
Burdened by nuclear disaster after the final war ended,
now on a journey to find where promises born, descended.
With her family's sword, Repentance, and warm resentment,
anybody who threatens her allies will not be warned, but smitten.
They pray to Gaia before moving on, for protection and peace,
two things they know are merely a reflection of dreams.
In a world where law and order are rejected and reaped,
the only guarantee they have is by dissecting the freaks.
No more collecting to keep, just correcting the fiends,
with a katana or tusk, they must keep besting the beasts.
Soldiers and mutants, monsters and creeps,
daylight or night sky, doesn't matter, dangers no longer retreat.
An odyssey to the promised land, unscathed by pollution or blood,
where fluent conclusions come from the solutions above.
Where the Gods knew the chosen would climb out of the mud,
and civilization would renew itself, no more crimes to be judged...

They approach a convoy, several men armed with steel and guns,
slaves encaged in the center of what seemed like a deal for drugs.
She'd heard about slavers who'd trade children for opium,
and now's her chance to save children from the podium.
The monk prepared her blade, made her friends hide behind the carts,
she blended into the rain like a shadow moving through light and dark.
Spilling blood on the tire marks, the mud stained by her victims,
the slaves listen as their liberator hunts through the crimson.
Their chains and shackles break but when they open the curtain,
only the corpses of evil men remained -- hopeless -- wordless.
She cleaned her katana and returned to her friends, "it's time to go..."
But the monk knows she'd just sacrificed her mind and soul...
for the rest of her days she'll see each face of those she'd killed,
the consequence or curse of each drop of blood that she'd spilled.
Our decisions, no matter good or bad, come with a cost,
today, it's a piece of humanity that our hero had lost...
Her friends could see it too, the cat watches from afar,
as the elephant attempts to heal her with his loving heart.
She pretends to smile, rubbing her hand along his trunk,
but the cat sees denial, burying the truth within her gut.
They venture deeper into the desert, with a specific motive,
seeking nirvana that's submerged beneath the Pacific ocean.
Supposedly, there's an Atlantis hidden under the surface,
where the pure of heart are welcomed to find their purpose.
A place where only love and joy exists ... or so they say ...

After weeks of travel, the sands unravel into whipping waves,
the elephant thrusts his trunk into the salted sea with giddy grace.
Kitsune almost falls off, digging her claws into the elephant's back,
an elegant catch, masked only by the hiss of a malevolent cat...
They now seek a cave, the gate to their new haven,
but the coast is like a maze, so no step can go wasted.
The ground begins to vibrate, like a barrage of fifty bombs,
when a beast leaps from the sea, a crustacean, sixty feet tall.
The monk tells her friends to run, "don't worry, I'll hold it off!"
Uses the powers of Ifrit to ignite her sword, she knows the odds.
The elephant leaves hesitantly, tears blinding the way,
Kitsune focuses her spirit energy on the monk, fighting for faith.
Every stroke of the blade chips a piece of the beast's armor,
but every breath begins to fade like a plague she'd harbored.
The fatigue overcomes, the claws begin ripping her apart,
flesh removed like sheets covering a warrior's heart...
The monster swallows what's left and crawls into the sea,
when a hole's carved from within and the monk plunges beneath.
The Azure blurs with red and purple, falling towards patient sharks,
when Leviathan emerges and carries her back from the gravest dark.
She washes ashore, the elephant already in stride,
he wraps her in silk and carries her for a gentle ride.
A few days pass, she grows weaker with each night,
Kitsune uses all her magic just keeping her alive.
When they notice an opening in the land, a tunnel with light...

They travel beneath the sea, surrounded by lanterns,
it becomes harder to breathe no matter how she's pampered.
The scars of battle attack her like some sort of cancer,
and Atlantis is her only chance at being saved, it's the answer.
Her vision becomes blurry, to the point she can't open her eyes,
the elephant tries to hurry but is tired from a perpetual strive,
and just as the lights dim, it seems they've arrived.
A gate with Gaia engraved opens, and priests approach,
"fear not, my children, for Atlantis cures most..."
The monk falls asleep, in her dreams, she roasts,
she's found salvation, but is still haunted by ghosts.

[dead man]

They built us a home

clouds of nitrogen and pillars of stone
population prototype. put millions in motion
it's the Miocene. more. Thunderclap electric convulsion
salty soup that simmered into rivers and oceans
let this sink: Grand entities, as tall as the sky
carving climate out of ExxonMobil carbon refineries
to be honest, this was progress.
before Controller thought to rewind
humankind already felt itself evolve and decline
it was.. beautiful. right?
planting bombs at breakfast, orchids at night
mixing proteins into minions for the kingdom of Christ
waking up cliffside. went to bed in a bind
it's nothing but a dream they all remembered to write
into bar napkins / rolling papers / wrists, leg and thigh
breath / bone / sunrise
last time i checked, they left us alive
doublechecking assignments
nothing left of their initial design
Goliath mutants - molding isotopes by counting to 5
clearing house, making room for us to straighten our spines
out of alignment. out of hope
viewed them through kaleidoscopes
now we've melted all their ice
and wake up just to microdose
Lochness monster, Hydra, both
were beta-tested, alpha coded
faded after 20 days in humanoidal hyperfocus
bible quoting, rifle click, we climbed all over
sights that nullified Jehovah, quiet
in our minds we're Royal.
viral when online. we're hosting
syphilis that spiked our sodas.
Nietzsche said the gods were dead
he's wrong, but had the right approach
quote this, while i watch our soldiers
marching over Gaia's corpse
been a couple years since software
sunk itself inside our fortress
migraines, motorized our molars
behavior implants, climbing voltage
hallucinating elephants VR whip '99 toyota
Post-fossil fuel. Pre-style or culture
zombify our idols' sculptures
there are no rights. there are no voters
irreparably broken.
olympus fell the moment nobody noticed

[Frank]

Alexander Cradled The Calf Like A Bundle Of Joy. Blankets And Baths And Bubbles And Toys:
It Played and It Splashed In The Colorful Koi: Quaking & The Quacking Of The Rubber Ducky Annoyed.
Trunk Hoisting Their Cabled Wagon: Out Of The Tundra’s Void: Like A Baby Rattle, He Mothered The Boy.
Alexander Wrote The Episode In His Diary, Remotely & Privately. Noting The Findings Of His Calf’s Anecdotal Anxiety,
"Babar, Continues To Shy Away From The Road To The Pinery. Overturning His Bowl Of Oats & Defying Me."
The Slippery Slope Is Frozen Entirely And Babar’s Eyelashes Are So Icy: They Look Like Ovals Of Diamondry.
Walking Slowly And Mightily... Overloaded With A Variety Of Precious Metals & Spices: Clove, Thyme, Cayenne, Anise.
Cargo & Chinary: Alexander Reassures Babar With Coaxing & Bribery. As The Silk Road Wove Through Society
“It’s Not Much Further.” Alexander Said, With His Compass’s Rotary Spiraling North East “go N.E!” Said His Pole, Misguidingly—
Alexander Brought Babar In From The Cold, Compliantly. . . The Rope Was Stone Cold Like Iron Freezed: Holding It, Pryingly.
“Oh, The Irony. . .” Alexandra Wrote Transcribing Thee Journey Through The Dystopian Hierarchy
Alexander The Great Was Known From The Coast Of The Arctic Sea To The Coast Of The Irish Sea
A Conquer, Who Rode, Tribally Against The Roman Dynasty: Through The Snowy Alpine In 335 BC
Dipping His Pen Into The Blue Ink: He Spoke Admiringly About Babar’s Perseverance—Ennobled & Stridently
"Babar’s Old And He’s Wisened, He. . . Has That Look In His Eye, About Him: All Knowing And Fiery."
Heroic And Giantly, Quite As The Mouse Tip Toeing Silently: Babar Trumpets, Like A Trombone: Excitingly—
He’s Gotten Cold Feet. He Won’t Ride With Me. Stubborn As A Mule: Frightened By The Rodents Rivalry.
Moping & Whining, He Followed Me Across The Moat Of The Nile Of Egypt: Ferocious And Tigery.
Poached For His Ivory
& The Tusk. . . The Bullets Rung From The Colts With The Humdrum Scope—
Facing The Conundrum . . .Months From Home: Memnon Of Rhodes Army Made His Blood Run Cold.
Flapping Dumbo Lobes, Immensely Afraid. . . As The Metal Chains Got Too Bunched Up To Hold
Alexander Saw Babar In Tremendous Pain... Each Leg Weighed, A Ton Or So: As He Led The Way To The Bungalow.
The Ground Trembled And Quaked. As The Trumpet Blowed Through The Jungles Grove: The Enemy Shaked.
Adolescent In Age. Triumphant And Grown: Babar’s Destiny Awaits Him At The Hellenic Gates. . .
The Ground Rumbles And Froze, As, Alexander Led The Way Through Western Asia & Mesopotamia. . .
Gung-Ho On Decimating The Ranks Of The Hundreds Of Foes: Stuck In The Tundra Snow: Too Heavy To Trade. . .
Alexander Levied His Strength And Muscled The Rope. . .Babar Looked Humongously Stoic: Monumental With Grace
Gentle And Great Clumsy And Bold: Barbar Dug Into The Shrubs With His Toes And Ate His Veggies With Haste
Alexander Remembered The Day—That He Helped Him Escape Through The Back Country
It Was The Last Sunday Before His Adventure Became Trying To Tempt The Faithful Animal From Out Of His Latched Cufflinks. . .
The Calf Was Grumpy. Digesting His Hay. . .While Alexander Put A Spell On The Stray Calf: Hexing His Faith
“It Was Cold Enough To Freeze The Balls Off A Brass Monkey.” He Wrote Illegibly Onto The Hemp Page
...Because The Irregular Terrain Was Jagged And Bumpy: They Steadily Skated Over The Grassy One Way. . .
The Climate Was Fear: Alexander Kept His Knife And His Spear, At His Side. . . Babar Striked From The Rear
Still Green Behind The Ears: Alexander Made Him Feel Special And Safe: With His Over Protective Gait.
Spending Miles Of Years With The Calf Defending Against The Siege: Brought His Eyes To Tears. . .
An Expression Of Grief: Babar Smiled As He Thinks His Time Is Near At Seventy Three.
Pep In His Step. . .As He Flees: His Final Steep Climb To Their Highness Regime In The Alpine Trees
And Disappear: Amidst The Threatening Steps—A Cold Send Off To The Ledge Of The Edge
Babar’s Heart Had Grown Cold From The Depths Of Neglect: They Had Crushed His Spirit

Impenetrable Step

Every Step That They Took Was Met With Distress: As Alexander Led Him From The Stench Of The Festival Tent—
In The Silhouette Of A Spectacle, Kept In A Pen: Alexander Led Him From The Shred Of The Fence...
Just 10 Years Old: The Calf Went From The Kennel To The Head Of Alexander The Great's Adventurous Quest
Forever Indebted To His Tethered Defense: Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold: Let It Injest.
Alexander Never Gave Babar The Cold Shoulder— A Friend Til The End
Before Babar Caught A Cold, He Remembered His Steps. . . Catching His Breath
Out Of Heavy Respect. . .An Elephant Never Forgets—

[brokenhal0]

This might be one the top battles this season these verses can be dissected into countless paragraphs in terms of who did what and how ....every written was great.... not only is this a very subjective vote-damn near 3 way tie- most likely this is gonna end in a controversial decision and im doing my best here to not have anything else sway me other then my heart felt opinion after reading each verse 3x over

Soule - Not only was this story fresh and compelling with beautiful character development smooth word play and bright imagery it was borderline
directorial in it's delivery my only complaint is at times i felt like i was reading
a story for real like a actual book but u never strayed and kept hiphop in the formula till the end
imma be that guy that actually awards a higher credit for completing this verse
a few days before the deadline respect impressive don't get brought up enough but w.e compared to last week verse you definitely took my critique in the right direction impressive respect

Deadman - True to your style i can tell soule motivated you cause your wordplay
in this was immaculate even tho the approach is typical yeah w.e lemme just drop my usual gem it was a morose heavy captivating verse speaking as the ocean or waters of creation speaking on the fall of humans who where created to walk with the gods but failed onto themselves i fk with it ..only critique its more of a statement with a story i also noticed some relation in your verse with other writtens dropped these past weeks was it done purposely or subconsciously regardless it adds more life to the verse respect also extra .019 points for dropping before the deadline!

Frank - The style you used this time was more direct then your usual approach all caps exclamation powerpoints line breaks wasnt needed and you knew it
i really enjoyed this verse playing on the story of Alexander and babar
was a bit safe as these characters have been subject to many experiences through out time but your take as always is influential personable and downright stylish a true writers writer this written was on the bleaker end of the spectrum I can feel each word good shit.
if i must critique you on this it's you repeat the same word alot sometimes (alexander) and while its the magic of spelling
and netcee 101 in terms of rhyming it was noticeable for me a bit of a easy way out but as i said before your a master at that technique its your style


MVGT - SOULE extra .123 points for completing before the deadline this was one of my favorite writtens of this season it came from your mind and just really is perfect example of what this tournaments about in terms of creative writing and unlike last weeks verse you took chances you added some soul'e' - pun intended and really just outshine two of the top writers that are still active on this site... respect ...
your story was original refreshing lighthearted with no flaws other then at times it reads like a chapter from a novel impressive

[Universe]

INSANE. Loved all three pieces.

To determine the winner, I'll be breaking down and giving my general opinions on each verse and then following it up with a sort of Olympic medal system where I award a Gold, a Silver and a Bronze in the 5 categories that I deem to be essential to writing topicals. Gold will be worth 3 points. Silver, 2 points. And Bronze 1. I'll total it all up and see who wins. If there's a tie I'll just reference my general impressions section to pick a winner based on how much I personally enjoyed each verse... I'm hoping the numbers tell the story though.

Categories:

Story - The most important part, imo. Is the verse narrative driven with character arcs? Is the plot at the forefront?

Technical Ability - Encompasses everything from multi's to rhyme schemes to even, yes... syllable counts.

Flow - How smooth is it to actually read? Does it seem long-winded? Or is it sharp, crisp and concise?

Originality - Is it a unique take on the topic? Does it catch the reader by surprise at any point? Is it something we've never seen before?

Presentation - Yes, this matters. How does it look on screen. Does it tie into the narrative in any meaningful way? Does if enhance the verse... or hinder it?

Let's figure it out...

Soule:

This was like reading an action adventure movie... Like Uncharted The Lost Legacy on ps5... in 4k. You really took us on a great journey from start to finish. Your imagination is quite vivid and it reflects nicely for the reader. Your attention to detail is also appreciated as it enhances the narrative. Technically, you are solid af... nothing too mind-blowing but definitely got the essentials down pat and no real holes in your game.

You are missing an oomph factor though that I can't quite put my finger on. It seems you have it all but maybe there's a minor missing ingredient or two that holds you back. I think you should take bigger chances with your stories, add some twists and turns and go to some dark places. You seem like a nice guy but you know where nice guys inevitably finish... Challenge yourself and you will also challenge others.

All in all, a great read and I enjoyed every bar. There's a 'cleanliness' about your pieces that I'm really digging. Razor sharp flow. Pinpoint precision... tough to do but you nail it. You are a gifted storyteller and that's kind of a lost art nowadays as everyone wants to impress technically but usually forgets the entire purpose of topicals in the first place... The narrative. I feel you have the potential to really lockdown all the categories IF you give yourself more time to let ideas marinate. Don't be so quick to post up... No one cares how fast you write, they only care about the end result. You may be happy with where your piece is but I promise you if you just let it sit for an extra day or two and experiment on it and play around you will discover new avenues to go down that were previously never open to you before.

It could be something simple.. something really small but if you tweak it just the right way it could change everything. Something as minuscule as a story beat...

Stories are a maze. They are never "done"... only given up on. Hold on to your secret as long as you can before sharing... It will reward you for doing so.

Other than that, what can I say? Not much to critique other than some personal preferences... This is refined as it gets.

Great work.


dead man:

You cherry picked this topic didn't you? Lol... To me it was surprising you wanted this one because I wouldn't think, on first glance, that it would be something you would target based on the kind of things you usually like to write. I actually thought you would've destroyed the topic that was given to NYC and myself this week. But with that said, this was a masterful take on a truly challenging topic. All the classic dead man tropes were here - The flow was butter, rolling off the screen with a smoothness and ease that only you can accomplish. Your lines are deep as an abyss, nearly endless in the ways the reader can interpret them. You are always a step ahead and never before have I stopped after reading a bar and just read it again immediately to grasp the genius of it as much as I do with you. You CONSTANTLY impress me and that's even with me expecting the moon from you.

You are the most naturally talented writer on this site and perhaps, the most gifted I've ever seen online in the artform... Period. Ever. I could sing your praises all day but I think you know this already lol. The funny thing is... I don't think you feel the same way about your writing as others do. I think you know you're gifted but I also believe you try to downplay it all as just some dumb hobby in your head, when in reality, you should be extremely proud of your ability, no matter how trivial it is in the overall scope of things. Fucking brag a little, will ya? It's okay to pat yourself on the back every now and again...

Basically what I'm saying is I want more Goldberg gifs.

Or don't and keep on keeping on... doesn't matter. In the end you are who you are and you can set a watch by it. You pack so much into such a little space... never long-winded just refined to perfection and every word counts. There is no filler or excess fat in your verses. Only when writing these things yourself can one truly appreciate how difficult this is to accomplish. You say in four words what I take two lines to say... It's a unique ability that I've never quite seen before. It's brilliant, really. And that's all there is to it.

This is sounding like a love letter lol...

So what's lacking? A story-driven narrative. Characters. I literally could drop ANY dead man verse into any topic and it would fit right in and we'd find a correlation somewhere. This is cool to say, but in reality it just means you bog yourself down with way too many generalities, genius as they are. And in the end, it IS a glaring negative. One that stands out even more after reading Soule's verse which focuses on story with all the technical aspects covered.

But story is not what you do... Regardless, it's something to improve upon... if you choose to... Because, as it stands, you're just fine without one.

Thank you.


Frank:

This is Franklin with something to prove... I read this and was blown away at points. Like literally stunned at how good some of these bars were. When you're firing on all cylinders, your ability to tie concepts together while sprinkling in subtle wordplay can rival the best around. I think the challenge for you is to minimize the filler that you inevitably stumble into with your style as much as possible... and you did that here for, um... the majority. There are still way too many repeating words and also, you have the knack for literally making up words that would be better suited coming out of a 4 year olds mouth, ie. "Tigery"... than a grown man's, but hey, such is the price you pay for the way you choose to write.

And about that... Let's give the devil his due...

Who else can string a concept together for as long as you do and STILL find ways to surprise people WITHIN the actual bar, and not just in the punchline at the end? Who else can make the reader think a rhyme scheme is over only to bring it back in unique and surprising ways? Maybe only dead man... but even HE can't do what you can with a rhyme scheme when you're on top of your game.

Your presentations are also truly your own... I've never seen someone weave a fucking narrative into HOW they present the topic on a weekly basis like you do. Does the topic require all capitals to drive the point home? Frank will do it. Does it require a constant switching between left aligned and center aligned and FUCKING RIGHT ALIGNED layouts to emphasize a point? Frank will do it. Your creative bravery every week is a marvel, you are never afraid to try new things and, although they may not always work, I appreciate the thought and subtlety behind it. Maybe more so than others.

Your narratives are an issue though. You're all flash and sizzle yet the end result... aka the meal at the end, leaves a lot to be desired. I'm usually leaving the table with some cool pics of my meal before I ate it, but after I did, I'm still hungry... Your technical ability drives your story... It should be the other way around. You need more depth in your characters for us to CARE about them. You need some plot set ups and twists and turns. You can't just rely on your rhyme schemes to guide you to your destination... You have to actually plan out where you're going in advance... and when I say that, I mean in more advance than, "Oh, I'm going to build toward this phrase at the end and work backwards... saving the actual thing I want to say for the end and thus making my "Tigery" rhyme scheme forgivable." No, it's not forgivable. A lot of times, if not most times, the journey is more profound in the readers head than the ultimate destination. We can appreciate the punchline, but if we are rolling our eyes on the way there then... what's the point?

Overall though, this was a great display of a, well... Frank verse. I enjoyed it, for what it is.

You're still a piece of shit though. Leave Adverse alone.

Medals

Story:

Gold - Soule (3 points)

Silver - Frank (2 points)

Bronze - dead man (1 point)

Technical Ability:

Gold - dead man (3 points)

Silver - Frank (2 points)

Bronze - Soule (1 point)

Flow:

Gold - dead man (3 points)

Silver - Soule (2 points)

Bronze - Frank (1 point)

Originality:

Gold - Soule (3 points)

Silver - Frank (2 points)

Bronze - dead man (1 point)

Presentation:

Gold - Frank (3 points)

Silver - Soule (2 points)

Bronze - dead man (1 point)

Totals:

Soule - 11 pts

dead man - 9 pts

Frank - 10 pts

Wow, I didn't see this coming... A pleasure, gentlemen.

Vote: Soule

[Rawn MD]

Dope

Soule - I enjoyed your piece. The story was engaging, the flow was solid, and you incorporated parts of the picture in a way that was refreshingly original. The only flaw I could say was although vivid enough with detail, and truly fleshed out, too much attention might have been placed there and it worked against you in the end. Simply put, it needed more action to actually leave the reader (myself) remembering what you did with the story. Usually, I would say that the amount of detail you dropped, making it truly picturesque would be enough to win, but with who your opponents were you needed a little extra here, and factoring in flow and detail to a cool story that was fluent and fluid, just wasn’t enough to edge it bc in the end to me it was exactly that a cool story. You came in a close second my dood. Good verse though for sure.


Deadman - I gotta say I was kinda disappointed with your verse. Flow was money, and your word choice was on point. I just didn’t like the direction you went with the topic. It left me wanting more. I don’t know, it just didn’t do much for me in the end, which is odd bc you usually satisfy. Like I said the flow was money and the way you phrased the words you chose was dope. I just didn’t feel the verse in totality. You could have done so much more imo. You came in third.

Frank - I got to tell you, you almost costed yourself this with your lame (imo) repetitions. Half the first part of your verse ending with -ly got kind of annoying to me, your lucky you know how to use internals though. Your story was strong enough to muscle through until you did more. Soule may have packed more detail and truthfully, against my better thinking, stylistically had the better verse with literary devices and such. I just felt your story and direction a lot. I felt the action - which I feel is truly what edged this for you… it allowed your verse to be more captivating to the reader. The flow was on point and kind of followed pace with the story, making it more engaging to the reader, and although slightly cliche, but fittingly enough, I felt your ending the most. In total your verse left me just more satisfied than your opponents. But maybe it’s just me, but you truly did almost cost yourself this battle with the whole -ly scheme, it just got kind of annoying and seemed kind of cheap. Your story, and it’s direction saved your ass and allowed you to edge this out to me.

It was truly close between frank and soule

Came down to action verse detail, and franks verse just held my attention better and made me want to continue reading more…. And for that reason…

Vote - Frank

[Mike Wrecka]

I read all three pieces. I’m not gonna break down all three too much but hey. It took long enough to read them all. My apologies.


Soul - I’ll be honest. I didn’t like the verse. The rhyming seemed off. The scheme wasn’t advanced it was just kind of meh

Deadman- clearly still shaking off rust. But getting closer. Still reads so effortlessly. Amazing end rhymes as usual. Flow is sublime. Deadman at 80% full strength is better than almost everyone except he’s not battling just anyone

Frank- verse was bananas. Dudes running on all cylinders this season. Multis , flow, scheme, narrative all next level. Verse pulled me in and had me captivated

Enjoyed the read gentlemen. Good match


Vote Frank

[Adverse]

Alright gentlemen this was a hell of a battle to say the least. It was a long read but I enjoyed it through and through. I’ll try to be brief but also give a pretty clear indication of what I thought and who I thought won.

Soulé -
Fun verse here man. Had some dope action scenes and imagery had hints of like anime inspiration though I guess the topic photo has some clear Asian influence. Really liked it, kind of threw me off a bit in the beginning when you were rhyming every other bar and then switched to rhyming every line, it was a bit of a bumpy transition. No matter, I thought the storyline was super smooth and made for a good read. I found it to be engaging, though you lost me towards the end a little. There was a lot happening so it was hard to keep up with, that being said I didn’t really like the climax because of that. It was just kind of dropped on us, especially the last two bars I didn’t really dig. Just seemed like an meh conclusion for a piece littered with excellent imagery and story but maybe it was just me. It was a nice piece other than that though.

dead man -
I thought you we’re definitely out of your element here. You did well I mean the great use of language was there, the amazing flow, the cool visuals and the way you string your words together you can say so much with just one line. I don’t think you fit here though. It’s not a matter of being “rusty” or dropping a bad verse, it simply comes down to the type of writing you do which is more personal, more confined, you like to tell stories around people, and I don’t think you really did that here. You captured a cool little snapshot of the fall of humanity and that sort of thing but like I said you were really out of your element, your opponents told grandiose adventure stories and yours paled in comparison this week. But major kudos for stepping in on short notice and taking on the challenge. This will not tarnish your legacy as one of the GOATs

Frank -
Let’s get my issues with your writing out of the way first even though from what I seen Universe grilled you pretty hard.

The capitalizing every word thing kind of hurts my head, I literally remember writing this way my freshman year of high school. Not every word needs a capital, it’s odd it makes my eyes feel violated.

Also don’t like some of your word choices, especially descriptive words. “Giantly” feels odd and others like it, they’re not exactly incorrect they just feel forced like you were on rhymezone picking them out exclusively to fit line by line.

That being said the progression of your story was great, though at times I felt the switch from one scene to the next was kind of sudden? You didn’t linger anywhere too long. You trekked countries in literal seconds. But other than that I liked the concept of this great adventurer and his elephant going from battle to battle, and journeying across the world. This would make an awesome movie in my opinion . Very cinematic. And the ending of your verse was better than Soulé’s IMO, even though I thought the wording was shaky at times and kind of confusing towards the end but the ending was great I really enjoyed it being tied together with the “elephant never forgets” line. Was wonderful.

In my opinion this just came down to the ending for me, it was really close but I will take Frank here. He came just a little bit better and was more engaging. Great job.

V/Frank

[NYCSPITZ]

Fire battle

Soule I thought this was your best entry to date, the verse was mechanically smooth and flowed nicely, and included some slick turns of phrase that I didn’t expect from somebody who posts videos of themselves crying on youtube. More mature here, in a way…there were a few instances where I thought the wording could’ve been held together more smoothly but other than that it was a cool piece. Crustacean battle part reminds me of that new love death and robots episode. Atlantis odes and her psychic conundrum with having to kill, but being a sort of “peaceful warrior” at heart was dope to me. Great job.

Black came in and I think keystyled it, like some bars were like 5 words each for a brief section. Obviously it was still dope and you’re the best writer here I just think in a topical league you can do a better job imbuing the whole verse with the spirit of the topic. Like, can you do a black verse but make it like solely about elements in the picture? It is a topical after all, even thought your brain vomit is usually enough to win, would like to see how you do with a little more focus to the topic at hand, as others have mentioned

Frank I think I enjoyed your verse the most here. Soule was dope and had some ill shit like the elephant gracefully catching the malevolent cat, only you would say some shit like it was cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey, lmao. Anyways the shit with babar, the elephant, tying it in with alexander and all that, even with all the -ly endings, I tried thought about it with creative license and I think topically I’ll have to give it to Frank. Came down to Soule & Frank, both were dope but I enjoyed frank’s more this time around.

Thanks fellas

V/ frank