Scar vs brokenhal0- SCAR WINS

[Inno]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE

@Scar @borkenhal0

Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

Due date: NEXT THURSDAY

GOODLUCK!

[Scar]

yes

[Inno]

@Scar @brokenhal0

Due today

[brokenhal0]

ok

[Scar]

"Mind Over Grey Matter"

“Neptune, you take left, I’ll go right. Beware the electric barrier”
“Yes, sir” as they float past the clearance. “I see the sphere; There it is”


Her leg, a thin branch of winter pale, peeked through the cover,
which was a few inches too short for Nancy’s measurement
hand reeking of iodoform, the nurse lowered her palm and softly pressed against
Nancy’s forehead. Warm but stable; occasional coughs and shortness of breath

“Neptune, stay along the grid! No time for heroics”
She floated near the glowing strips. Staying close as not to expose her ship.
Attached to the globule, a strange matter of ever-expanding hue
Stygian solvent rapidly evolving into a monstrous, massive "goo"

“How is this possible?” the Doctor ran another analysis
As the scanner reveals a dark spot attacking her thalamus

She was always imaginative; infatuated with deep space
“I'm a pilot like Luke and Han, mom!” those words hung on her sweet face
“You’ll have plenty of time, but first, let’s get ready for school, ‘kay?”
“Mom, wanna know what they're gon call me?” .. Every pilot needs a cool name

“Neptune, split into twos and slip towards each side of the core”,
ordered the Captain as he eyed the large dark sludge thing laying traces of iodoform
Neptune led the first wave. Dropping plasma grenades
As the captain took the west entrance looking for the chance to engage ..
The detonator, but it was left to fate. They were left to faith.
A belief short-lived as Cap’s ship was caught and absorbed in its wave
“CAPP!!” she saw it all. His starfighter wasn’t the last to fall
One by one, all of them would succumb to its massive pulse
She was alone. Like she’d always been. The fall. The spring.
The bald. The thing she was called - “Nancy no-hair” she was all those things.
She knew it. “But Luke never gave up, did he?” She conjured all she could muster
A concentration so intense, it illuminates the grids around her
It was a tempest of emotions. Hatred, love, sorrows, excitements
The voices, the violence until all around her were swallowed by lights.

She opened her eyes.

“This is a miracle. How .. how can it just disappear like that?
Nancy, can you tell me a little more about the dream you had?”

The doctor stood in silence. The Minutes pass. “I need answers”
then turned to his nurse and said “this little girl just beat cancer”

[Inno]

@brokenhal0

[brokenhal0]

''Process the Nano Mind''


It starts in 1958 10 years since the roswell aliens escaped
a new technology that changed the game micro memory's
programmed computer veins luminescent brains ones and zeros small computations that can think specifically
made by mans i.b.m energy
apple with no empathy fast forward 1970
atari left a legacy with her circuit boards
microchips and graphic cards now im a tv avatar
analog c + + i wonder if god sees plus us
man makes machines in machines we trust us
i want to be free like steve jobs was
life's a microprocess registered in small data objects
god complex holds a plane to progress
high-resolution camouflage digital gateways
i hand in bars clock driven computations engineered in starts random quarks
not off-set more like off-chip
processor architecture floating-point arithmetic USB? nah, more like you the shit!
just another bit until i get embedded with a mainframe tied up with transistors
zero value overflow controlled logic instruction code artificial overload slowed external linking multi-core syncing doing your thinking
breath in the nano bots peep the algorithms
breathe out a micro memory and process the system...

[Adverse]

Alright this was a cool little bout...i dug it.

Scar:
Excellent narrative, thought your format was a little off-putting at first but as i progressed through i started liking the way it was set up more and more. Liked the references to star wars and the whole scene played out like a crazy magic school bus/star wars crossover, and i liked that a lot. You kept the reader engaged, and i liked the story told from front to back, my only complaint if any would be sometimes i feel like your rhymes weren't super concrete? Like for one there weren't any multies to tie in but also like sometimes the rhyming words were more near rhymes, or just the last syllable of the word even rhymed. Just something to work on going forward otherwise i loved it.

Hal0:
Think you kind of keyed this one up for the sake of having a verse to enter this week which i commend but to me it was super shaky. I appreciated the imagery of machinery from different periods of time, i liked the timeline but don't feel like there waa an overarching story here which i would have liked to have seen as opposed to just a general "machines are overtaking man" kind of topical, that's just me though, did enjoy the read but just thought your narrative faltered a little.

V/Scar, i felt like he told the more intriguing and engaging story this week. Good job fellas

[Universe]

Yeah good job on short notice guys.

Scar - What a thorough piece here. Thing was like reading a verse laced with cyberpunk vibes. I loved how you displayed everything too... with the bold and italics and the verse centered... presentation matters, and you nailed it. What I enjoyed the most about this though was how committed you were to telling a specific story. At first I didn't really grasp it fully, then I was hit with the "aha" moment and read it again right away... and it all stayed pretty solid on further inspection, which is tough to do. With that said, it did get a little too out there at times for my taste (especially the bold sections) but nothing too crazy. This was a pleasant surprise for being dropped on relatively short notice. Definitely a good start for you in this league and I am looking forward to seeing more.

brokenhal0 - Your piece was like reading a computer blueprint or something. Very cool technically but did little for me in terms of a story or delivering anything surprising or memorable. You have some skill though, just focus it on something deeper than merely the surface of the topic going forward.

Vote - Scar

[Objective]

Scar: Stylistic. Science-fiction inspired for sure. I'm feeling this vibe. Really interesting and cool take on battling cancer. How feeling strong and empowering helps you through rough periods of it all. At first I didn't like the Star Wars references at all, felt it was detracting from the story as a whole, but as the story wrapped itself up with a girl battling cancer it made sense in a heartwarming kind of way. Definitely good shit, enjoyed the read a lot.

Brokenhal0: Cool intro, IBM, 1970s old school shit. Definitely going down the nerd path, I like it. Not sure if it'll hold as a vote but I'm digging the vibe and shit you're touching on. Definitely catching the "Hello, world!"-atmosphere. You went technical on this one, "zero value overflow"-line was a pretty cool way of explaining it all. This was an abstract piece, hard to truly get a story across tho but I thought it was cool the way you conveyed the evolution of it all and how it died to the topic given.

Vote: Interesting and entertaining battle for sure. My vote goes to @Scar for a way more fleshed out and intriguing story. Brokenhal0 gad some cool concepts but the story wasn't fleshed out nor that engaging outside of being a cool piece of trivia scattered about with hints of a main character devloping some next gen system. A bit more work from Hal0's end in terms of story and the verse as a whole and it could have been a really dope battle from start to finish, but as it stands now Scar takes the easy W.