Week 2: Incredible VS Pharaohs Army INCRED WINS

Flow · 03-25-2019, 02:58 PM

Week Two

You all know the rules, but if you need reminding go look at the thread.

DUE THURSDAY

@Incredible
@Pharaohs Army

*The 1-2 league and it's mini LR league are one bar Vs one bar.*

Pharaohs Army · 03-27-2019, 09:54 PM

this Guy's shook..the only thing incredible is my right hook
punch to the face; i'm scared to think of how he might look

Incredible · 03-27-2019, 11:22 PM

The shots you got compared to the clip lines I drop are no where close
Doc with a gloc ur left out n about, bet its not females ur attractin with those Pheromones

MMLP · 03-28-2019, 07:11 AM

Army was too simple and generic, landed like a set up

Inc had a stretchy second line, ending syllables didn't match for me but the concept and directness was greater

v/ incredible

Destroyer · 03-28-2019, 07:13 AM

Inc’s was stretched as fuuuuuuuuck
But the concept was much stronger
This was better than your usual though, Pharoah
Just need to tweak the complexity a bit
Wording is solid, so props for that

v/inc

Plot · 03-28-2019, 09:44 PM

Well Pharaoh didnt do anything with his punch,
so anything with a concept is likely to beat it.
But Inc really didnt do much better, really no flip.
(and man, you really have to work on your wording,
read your line out loud, make it sound like normal not robotic)
V-Inc for being slightly better.

Blas · 03-29-2019, 07:02 AM

army just coming a bit too simple, try to work a bit more into your bars man you write a bit like it's a swag/flow battle but there has to be something more for it to work, cool flow tho

incred, valiant effort i see the concept

v/ incred better attempt

Dominate · 03-29-2019, 07:18 AM

Nice rhythm and rhymes from PA but conceptually it's pretty nothingish. Gotta diss your opponent more creatively or with more complexity.

Inc was too wordy but the attempt at the nameplay was better. Need to have a clearer connection to 'moans' though. Something like "gloc leave you crying in pain, no females getting attracted w/ Pheromones"

V/ Inc

Saint · 03-29-2019, 08:11 AM

Incred -- polish up your wording. Use words when necessary & take out when not. Coo concept.

Army -- read almost a&f but nothing here really just basic 101.. lol - nice wording

V- Inc

Ghost1 · 03-29-2019, 08:31 AM

pharaoh moans? lol. sucked. pharaoh sucked more.

v inc

u should both lose tho

Jabari Black · 03-31-2019, 11:03 AM

Pharaoh really got the tools to be a problem if he keep at it. The wording made this punch enjoyable to read but didn’t have a strong enough flip or enough complexity to squeak one out here. The multi/in rhyme and the only thing Incredible is my right hook we’re all big pluses. But you’re going to have to have a flip, a metaphor, wordplay etc to win, especially in a 1-2 battle. I think wording and execution is what typically separates mid tier from top tier and you got the wording down so just work on your concepts.

Inc the feed for your bar is pretty much the opposite lol. I think the wording and execution was messy (I liked what you were going for though) but the wordplay carried the punch. Pheromones was a pretty good wordplay. Your set up got the job done but I really think you could have improved it a lot. I left this feed in someone else’s battle but you really want your set up and punch to be saying the same thing. Reading your first bar it’s like your saying your gun bars are better than his. You shoulda used that set up to kinda paint the picture of him getting shot and docs have him on the operating table or something more closely related to the punch. Anyways, you kinda took it by default cus you got solid wp where pharaoh didn’t really have a true punch.

I got Inc winning this one, but pharaoh your wording is promising, just gotta work on the actual punch. Inc you’re trending upward. I’d just focus on improving your setups and wording. I’ll give you this tip for free: write what your punch is saying in like plain terms, then write out what you need to say in the set up in plain terms, then after you do both, craft your set up to say that in as short a phrase possible.

Anyways, good work.

Mvgt Inc

Resin M-I-C · 03-31-2019, 12:18 PM

pharoah was a lil too simple
wording issues with pharoah moans but still gets it

v Inc

Suthaveli · 03-31-2019, 06:25 PM

Mvgt- inc

Read it, you'll see why.

Kill Spree · 04-01-2019, 06:58 AM

Inc wins

Flow · 04-01-2019, 06:59 AM

incredible wins 10-0

03-29-2019, 07:18 AM	#8
Dominate Tread Lightly. Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 2,533 Battle Record: 26-9 Champed - Netcees Battle League - Battle Arena - Tag Team Tournament III - Tag Tournament: "Omicron Variant" Rep Power: 18197460	Nice rhythm and rhymes from PA but conceptually it's pretty nothingish. Gotta diss your opponent more creatively or with more complexity. Inc was too wordy but the attempt at the nameplay was better. Need to have a clearer connection to 'moans' though. Something like "gloc leave you crying in pain, no females getting attracted w/ Pheromones" V/ Inc __________________ The Bad Guys

03-31-2019, 12:18 PM	#12
Resin M-I-C Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Posts: 734 Battle Record: 33-9 Champed - 1-2 Punch Onslaught II - Tag Team Tournament V - 1-2 Punch Season III - Netcees SOL - Battle Arena - SOL Season I - NBL Season XIV - Netcees Battle League Rep Power: 8150231	pharoah was a lil too simple wording issues with pharoah moans but still gets it v Inc __________________ C. O. B.

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03-27-2019, 09:54 PM	#2
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	this Guy's shook..the only thing incredible is my right hook punch to the face; i'm scared to think of how he might look

03-27-2019, 11:22 PM	#3
Incredible Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2016 Posts: 1,484 Battle Record: 6-15 Rep Power: 25972895	The shots you got compared to the clip lines I drop are no where close Doc with a gloc ur left out n about, bet its not females ur attractin with those Pheromones

03-28-2019, 07:11 AM	#4
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 614 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768091	Army was too simple and generic, landed like a set up Inc had a stretchy second line, ending syllables didn't match for me but the concept and directness was greater v/ incredible

03-28-2019, 09:44 PM	#6
Plot Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,374 Battle Record: 26-32 Rep Power: 1309744	Well Pharaoh didnt do anything with his punch, so anything with a concept is likely to beat it. But Inc really didnt do much better, really no flip. (and man, you really have to work on your wording, read your line out loud, make it sound like normal not robotic) V-Inc for being slightly better.

03-29-2019, 08:11 AM	#9
Saint Scream Join Date: Jun 2015 Posts: 3,251 Battle Record: 63-35 Accomplishments - 50 Wins Champed - BA Picture Roast - Battle Royale Tournament - NBL Pic Roast - Netcees Battle League - NBL Season 11 - HoT Roast - BAL Roast - Tag Team Tourney - NBL Barcotic Cypher - SOL Pic Roast - BA Tag - XXXtentacion Roast - 1-2 LR Champ Rep Power: 22535868	Incred -- polish up your wording. Use words when necessary & take out when not. Coo concept. Army -- read almost a&f but nothing here really just basic 101.. lol - nice wording V- Inc

03-31-2019, 11:03 AM	#11
Jabari Black Sun Tzu Join Date: Mar 2018 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 550 Battle Record: 13-6 Champed - Battle Arena League - 1-2 Punch League - Netcees Battle League - Netcees SOL Rep Power: 12764499	Pharaoh really got the tools to be a problem if he keep at it. The wording made this punch enjoyable to read but didn’t have a strong enough flip or enough complexity to squeak one out here. The multi/in rhyme and the only thing Incredible is my right hook we’re all big pluses. But you’re going to have to have a flip, a metaphor, wordplay etc to win, especially in a 1-2 battle. I think wording and execution is what typically separates mid tier from top tier and you got the wording down so just work on your concepts. Inc the feed for your bar is pretty much the opposite lol. I think the wording and execution was messy (I liked what you were going for though) but the wordplay carried the punch. Pheromones was a pretty good wordplay. Your set up got the job done but I really think you could have improved it a lot. I left this feed in someone else’s battle but you really want your set up and punch to be saying the same thing. Reading your first bar it’s like your saying your gun bars are better than his. You shoulda used that set up to kinda paint the picture of him getting shot and docs have him on the operating table or something more closely related to the punch. Anyways, you kinda took it by default cus you got solid wp where pharaoh didn’t really have a true punch. I got Inc winning this one, but pharaoh your wording is promising, just gotta work on the actual punch. Inc you’re trending upward. I’d just focus on improving your setups and wording. I’ll give you this tip for free: write what your punch is saying in like plain terms, then write out what you need to say in the set up in plain terms, then after you do both, craft your set up to say that in as short a phrase possible. Anyways, good work. Mvgt Inc

03-31-2019, 06:25 PM	#13
Suthaveli Prayers won't help. Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Baltimore, Md Posts: 851 Battle Record: 7-9 Rep Power: 16534023	Mvgt- inc Read it, you'll see why.

04-01-2019, 06:58 AM	#14
Kill Spree Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2014 Posts: 4,460 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 37645698	Inc wins