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#1 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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I'm the ghost in the machine, hosting the dream
disposing of thieves, open-ended tales cloaking the theme for those who boasted of beef, vegetarians...hoping to eat incarcerating these suckas, behind these bars elope with a tree til you fall from the height you claim & you choke in your seat asphyxiating your hopes of being hard, die, die in your sleep a beast, king of my jungle, and I'm a fucking lion in heat did em' like Suge did Pac, that's where I been driving this thing the golden child, Atum-Ra, the night is the silver lining to me been what you trying to be, living life outside society with the optics of Providence, triangulating the impossible pretentious brewery, got your pride waiting to be bottled hospitable father, welcoming you to the collection in the armory gotta be...something else for you to touch me, heterosexual monogamy get off of me, I'm on another diagnostic pattern sent from Saturn keeping their heads ringing out of a lavish sense of my mastering... what I produce alone should cause a rupture in the planet... a local disaster plastered over the news discussion surroundin' the rapture the damage alone would cause mother earth to gulp a morning after same road, different trail, same hand that put quarters in a wishing well will...wish them well, pat their heads, say a prayer then give them hell.. mu'fucker don't tell me nothin' bout it...
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you Last edited by Mr. J; 08-18-2013 at 09:45 PM. |
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#2 | ||
The COAT...
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 1,723
Battle Record: 28-20
Champed - Art of Writing League (x3)
Rep Power: 4595813 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Quote:
Saturn line was memorable. opener/closure were average to me, best lines came sporadically throughout, made it entertaining to read.
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#3 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Thanx breh
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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#4 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899406 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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You're driven by your rhymes, which is pretty cool, but it does lead to a wild mix of quality in the individual lines themselves. Following the corny lion line with the much stronger Suge line is a good example. The content sputtered in the second half, too. It seems whenever I read your verses that you have a ton of talent but write really quickly, unworried about polishing your verses. That's fine and certainly a reasonable choice, one I'm guilty of at times. But it leads to that chonic unevenness.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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#5 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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cool bro
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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