Wet like water

[Mediocrity]

Moved outta my city they not fuckin with me
an that’s how I want it to be
It’s motivation to chase after greatness
& there is no stopping me not ti’ll I make it
all the people who sat back and hated
are in the front row of my shows gettin faded
they’ll claim that they love me and knew I would make it
but I know they lyin I’m not with the fake shit
dying inside to spit rhymes on my mind
my verses are hearses you come catch a ride
Giving you tours of the place I reside
trapped in my head with these dark thoughts of mine
killing my happiness time after time
so I get high to feel somewhat alive
When I come down man I just wanna die
so overwhelmed with my life I could cry
I been thru hell but the fault is all mine
I did it myself with no help I declined
Feeling the pressures of life and it’s stressing me
I’m not successful and I’ll probably never be
Gotta accept the fact people don’t care for me
They don’t show love like I do and it’s weird to me
Don’t be surprised if one day you don’t hear from me
Gotta stay focused and save all my energy
For all the people who not gon pretend with me
over just hoping that they keep it real with me
Stay to myself man no more reaching out
Actions are loader than words out your mouth
hear what you saying but I’m fulla doubt
You’ll have to show n’ prove Whatchu about
Cause all that talking yeah it don’t mean nothin
I’m pullin ya card just to see if you bluffing

Now a days don’t nobody wanna keep it real
Rather flex on the gram for some cheap thrills
Sell their soul to record companies to get a deal
Wait who am I kiddin, so would i
I just wanna see my family win
it’s do or die
Wanna hear my record spin I admit it’s no lie
Tired of livin this life struggling just to get by
So I’m steady writing fire to burn all of you alive
Pull up in a Chevy SS on the side
Suicide doors and I’m bumping the carter 5
With a blunt lit of course these whores wanna get high
This ain’t a team sport so know this is all mine
I ain’t worried bout you hoes and Whatchu posting online
I’m tryna find a wife whose down, ready to ride
Alll about her business no kidding we goin live
Wanna make some children and raise em up all right

[Mediocrity]

Bumpski

[Twodrop]

Very revealing and raw here, kind of inspired me to try and write something like this.

Read it twice, nothing too standout for me.

dying inside to spit rhymes on my mind
my verses are hearses you come catch a ride
Giving you tours of the place I reside
trapped in my head with these dark thoughts of mine

^^ I fuck w/ that.

I haven't wrote stuff like this in a while, I might give it a shot.

[Introvert]

I think the potential here is weighed down by the cliches you chose to include. For example:

"Dying inside to spit rhymes on my mind
my verses are hearses you come catch a ride
Giving you tours of the place I reside
trapped in my head with these dark thoughts of mine"

That last line kills the absolute brilliant verses/hearses metaphor. Just about every emo rapper/poet on earth has said "dark thoughts of mine" in one form or another, and in order to include it these days, you need to go beyond and expand on what those thoughts are. This appears to be your major problem: you say something without going into detail, so all of the observations seem trite. Without personalizing the lyrics, you're just saying what other people have said before.

"killing my happiness time after time
so I get high to feel somewhat alive
When I come down man I just wanna die
so overwhelmed with my life I could cry"

Why? What it is about your life, in particular, that makes you want to die/cry? I get that you're trying to fit a set length or beat or whatever in most cases, but your focus should be on explaining, rather than just saying. That explanation is where the song it.

I don't mean to sound harsh, so I apologize if it came off that way.
Focus on the details and you'll be much better for it.

[Mediocrity]

Originally Posted by Introvert

I think the potential here is weighed down by the cliches you chose to include. For example:

"Dying inside to spit rhymes on my mind
my verses are hearses you come catch a ride
Giving you tours of the place I reside
trapped in my head with these dark thoughts of mine"

That last line kills the absolute brilliant verses/hearses metaphor. Just about every emo rapper/poet on earth has said "dark thoughts of mine" in one form or another, and in order to include it these days, you need to go beyond and expand on what those thoughts are. This appears to be your major problem: you say something without going into detail, so all of the observations seem trite. Without personalizing the lyrics, you're just saying what other people have said before.

"killing my happiness time after time
so I get high to feel somewhat alive
When I come down man I just wanna die
so overwhelmed with my life I could cry"

Why? What it is about your life, in particular, that makes you want to die/cry? I get that you're trying to fit a set length or beat or whatever in most cases, but your focus should be on explaining, rather than just saying. That explanation is where the song it.

I don't mean to sound harsh, so I apologize if it came off that way.
Focus on the details and you'll be much better for it.

Repped

[Mediocrity]

Originally Posted by Twodrop

Very revealing and raw here, kind of inspired me to try and write something like this.

Read it twice, nothing too standout for me.

dying inside to spit rhymes on my mind
my verses are hearses you come catch a ride
Giving you tours of the place I reside
trapped in my head with these dark thoughts of mine

^^ I fuck w/ that.

I haven't wrote stuff like this in a while, I might give it a shot.

Do it.

Wrote this to a beat as well, I wish there was an easy way to record and post it here. I think the flow used would make it read better

[Exis]

I agree with what Intro said, somewhat...as I don't actually go in2 detail in explainin' shit & tend to just say it.You do the same, well in this piece at least...I liked it though, thought emotion wise shit hit.

Cool drop bro, stay outta your alter ego's way.

[Mr. J]

This was littered with generic thoughts that would wow local groups
I wouldnt say that this is audio material unless presented as a freestyle
otherwise I could vibe with what you had to say here and there.
an overall decent piece