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#1 |
stokely carmichael of rap
Join Date: Jun 2013
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the Metu Neter/epicenter, the scepter bearer
devil's terror ever since the pre-Columbian era enlightenment of stars with Mayan panache recitin my bars pulling the hearts out-of liars in sacrifice to the gods I believe me. no drugs could lean me, no molly or marijuana steamy with a burning kundalini, i been a Dali with a llama passive aggressive. "too black" from a fascists perspective a student of the craft, in class until my math is perfected as of late...searching for various ways to smuggle and allocate jugglin' hash and weight without the tragic fate of a magistrate no paper trail or faxes, no chip on my shoulder...just axes cause Internal Revenue is the mafia fuckin us over with taxes dough is the axis in a material world where poor get thrown where the trash is and the inevitable Banking collapse is, why i'm stuffing money in my mattress controlling the masses, weather RFID or with legal tender i never been a hipster, but always been "hip" to their Agenda the moment you close your eyes to the truth is when your death begins i was awakened to the ways of the world, and haven't slept ever since..
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i used to do that here.. |
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#2 |
White Earl
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Thought you killed this shit evis. Well done
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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#3 |
The COAT...
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: BC, Canada
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This is my kind of writing here. Loved the verse Evis. You killed it with the combination of schemes and content. The only reference I didn't catch was 'Metu Neter' which I'll be looking up after I post since I really enjoyed the rest of the subject matter. Was digging the snake of knowledge reference. Only small thing that stood out as worth mentioned as far as critique is concerned, I felt the rhyme scheme could have changed a bit sooner somewhere in the middlish area. Don't feel like going back to reread to find exactly where cause I'm high and have no attention span. But yeah, good shit.
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#4 |
Senior Member
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Pretty good.
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#5 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
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Quite...a higher calibur of writing one I am fond of
scattered metaphors and other miscellaneous references were intriguing the flow was drawn out perfectly to fit your word choice but after you switched up at the end with a more futuristic vibe... ehhhh I kinda got turned off...good show though...very good
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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#6 |
WOW
Join Date: Jan 2013
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I read it. I liked it. good flow and word choice. that magistrate line stood out for some reason. good stuff
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A.bove T.he R.est
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#7 |
Upset Champion
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Loved the flow, nice internals, great use of vocab, syllable count was solid, all in all a very nice piece however the last few lines didn't have that polish the rest did an kind of felt forced and rushed an let the piece down slightly but looking past it this was a real sweet read
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#8 |
Don't believe the hype
Join Date: Feb 2013
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this was a higher caliber "SHTF" written, as somebody has already pointed out. Having an almost Columbia gold, or south American context or mood to it.
Some what boarder line losing the reader at some points, but overall you quickly piece it all together like a good drop should do to ya. It felt tense and spun tight, maybe needed to relax a bit and come out off the tongue more naturally in places, in areas where you wanted to stress certain points. IOW, change up the cadence. as of late...searching for various ways to smuggle and allocate jugglin' hash and weight without the tragic fate of a magistrate no paper trail or faxes, no chip on my shoulder...just axes cause Internal Revenue is the mafia fuckin us over with taxes HA, nice. A lot is said in these four lines...
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What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope. |
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#9 |
Razor-thin derision
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Read this twice throughout the week, it's everything that I like in the historical, mystical and alternate history rap-schematic.
passive aggressive. "too black" from a fascists perspective a student of the craft, in class until my math is perfected as of late...searching for various ways to smuggle and allocate jugglin' hash and weight without the tragic fate of a magistrate ^The flow was butter. I think you are destined to expose many-a-phenomena and non-coincidence during your residence here, providing us with Moor food for thought. Keep doing you |
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#10 |
SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
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I thought this was flames tbh. Nice and short but content heavy, had a nice lil subversive atmosphere to it that was heightened by your unique perspective and penmanship. Same category of verse that I just dropped w/ vulgar interweaving extramundane topics with the intramundane affairs of our current society. Flow was nice and catchy too, I rapped the shit aloud; if you spit audio I'd say try putting it on a beat if not I suggest you d/l fruity loops and cop a mic. Good shit fam.
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#11 |
stokely carmichael of rap
Join Date: Jun 2013
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thnx 4 the feed..
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i used to do that here.. |
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#12 |
Guest
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This was good, but ive read better from U evis..
ur flow was on point, as usually, i just felt some of ur concepts wording coulda been strung along a bit better...but its just my opinion...but as always conceptually, it was dope...i think u know whaat im saying...if not, PM me and ill clarify...overall, I did enjoy it and felt it was above par writing non-the-less. |
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#13 | |
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