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-   -   i was awakened to the ways of the world, and haven't slept ever since.. (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=7287)

Eviscerate 06-07-2013 01:25 PM

i was awakened to the ways of the world, and haven't slept ever since..
 
the Metu Neter/epicenter, the scepter bearer
devil's terror ever since the pre-Columbian era
enlightenment of stars with Mayan panache recitin my bars
pulling the hearts out-of liars in sacrifice to the gods
I believe me. no drugs could lean me, no molly or marijuana
steamy with a burning kundalini, i been a Dali with a llama
passive aggressive. "too black" from a fascists perspective
a student of the craft, in class until my math is perfected
as of late...searching for various ways to smuggle and allocate
jugglin' hash and weight without the tragic fate of a magistrate
no paper trail or faxes, no chip on my shoulder...just axes
cause Internal Revenue is the mafia fuckin us over with taxes
dough is the axis in a material world where poor get thrown where the trash is
and the inevitable Banking collapse is, why i'm stuffing money in my mattress
controlling the masses, weather RFID or with legal tender
i never been a hipster, but always been "hip" to their Agenda
the moment you close your eyes to the truth is when your death begins
i was awakened to the ways of the world, and haven't slept ever since..

Geno 06-07-2013 07:02 PM

Thought you killed this shit evis. Well done

Nigma 06-07-2013 07:14 PM

This is my kind of writing here. Loved the verse Evis. You killed it with the combination of schemes and content. The only reference I didn't catch was 'Metu Neter' which I'll be looking up after I post since I really enjoyed the rest of the subject matter. Was digging the snake of knowledge reference. Only small thing that stood out as worth mentioned as far as critique is concerned, I felt the rhyme scheme could have changed a bit sooner somewhere in the middlish area. Don't feel like going back to reread to find exactly where cause I'm high and have no attention span. But yeah, good shit.

Void 06-07-2013 10:49 PM

Pretty good.

Mr. J 06-07-2013 11:29 PM

Quite...a higher calibur of writing one I am fond of
scattered metaphors and other miscellaneous references were intriguing
the flow was drawn out perfectly to fit your word choice
but after you switched up at the end with a more futuristic vibe...
ehhhh I kinda got turned off...good show though...very good

Mike Wrecka 06-08-2013 08:10 AM

I read it. I liked it. good flow and word choice. that magistrate line stood out for some reason. good stuff

Flow 06-09-2013 06:55 AM

Loved the flow, nice internals, great use of vocab, syllable count was solid, all in all a very nice piece however the last few lines didn't have that polish the rest did an kind of felt forced and rushed an let the piece down slightly but looking past it this was a real sweet read

Coup 06-09-2013 11:30 AM

this was a higher caliber "SHTF" written, as somebody has already pointed out. Having an almost Columbia gold, or south American context or mood to it.

Some what boarder line losing the reader at some points, but overall you quickly piece it all together like a good drop should do to ya. It felt tense and spun tight, maybe needed to relax a bit and come out off the tongue more naturally in places, in areas where you wanted to stress certain points. IOW, change up the cadence.

as of late...searching for various ways to smuggle and allocate
jugglin' hash and weight without the tragic fate of a magistrate
no paper trail or faxes, no chip on my shoulder...just axes
cause Internal Revenue is the mafia fuckin us over with taxes


HA, nice. A lot is said in these four lines...

Vulgar 06-09-2013 02:46 PM

Read this twice throughout the week, it's everything that I like in the historical, mystical and alternate history rap-schematic.

passive aggressive. "too black" from a fascists perspective
a student of the craft, in class until my math is perfected
as of late...searching for various ways to smuggle and allocate
jugglin' hash and weight without the tragic fate of a magistrate
^The flow was butter.

I think you are destined to expose many-a-phenomena and non-coincidence during your residence here, providing us with Moor food for thought.

Keep doing you

NYCSPITZ 06-09-2013 09:29 PM

I thought this was flames tbh. Nice and short but content heavy, had a nice lil subversive atmosphere to it that was heightened by your unique perspective and penmanship. Same category of verse that I just dropped w/ vulgar interweaving extramundane topics with the intramundane affairs of our current society. Flow was nice and catchy too, I rapped the shit aloud; if you spit audio I'd say try putting it on a beat if not I suggest you d/l fruity loops and cop a mic. Good shit fam.

Eviscerate 06-11-2013 04:05 PM

thnx 4 the feed..

Rawn M.D. 06-11-2013 05:50 PM

This was good, but ive read better from U evis..

ur flow was on point, as usually, i just felt some of ur concepts wording coulda been strung along a bit better...but its just my opinion...but as always conceptually, it was dope...i think u know whaat im saying...if not, PM me and ill clarify...overall, I did enjoy it and felt it was above par writing non-the-less.

Just Write 06-12-2013 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eviscerate (Post 71079)
the Metu Neter/epicenter, the scepter bearer
devil's terror ever since the pre-Columbian era
enlightenment of stars with Mayan panache recitin my bars
pulling the hearts out-of liars in sacrifice to the gods

yea i'm not gunna pretend to get those references so im gunna skip but i liked the last line


I believe me. no drugs could lean me, no molly or marijuana
steamy with a burning kundalini, i been a Dali with a llama

i like that wordplay bro, slick shit but come on, no mj? pfft


passive aggressive. "too black" from a fascists perspective
a student of the craft, in class until my math is perfected
as of late...searching for various ways to smuggle and allocate
jugglin' hash and weight without the tragic fate of a magistrate

yea don't get caught up homie

no paper trail or faxes, no chip on my shoulder...just axes
cause Internal Revenue is the mafia fuckin us over with taxes

don't get me started man

dough is the axis in a material world where poor get thrown where the trash is
and the inevitable Banking collapse is, why i'm stuffing money in my mattress
controlling the masses, weather RFID or with legal tender
i never been a hipster, but always been "hip" to their Agenda
the moment you close your eyes to the truth is when your death begins
i was awakened to the ways of the world, and haven't slept ever since..


really solid closer man

i enjoyed this very relevant piece and its true, its almost too much to be able to peacefully sleep. we're really headed in a bad direction i just hope we can do something before its too late. anyways keep writing man.


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