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02-13-2014, 05:14 PM
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consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,054
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345604   |
Jew
Poet. Pardon me, open heart disease. Here's to hope, catharsis schemes seamed through over-arching themes,
I couldn't close if I wrote through my most alarming dreams. Things I could only quote if I sold my soul to artistry. Abstract lyrics paint pictures unintended. Rorschach's spirit. Same physics. Love's pretended. There's premeditation in this desultory genius. Subtract what doesn't rhyme, plus texts that bore the reader. Write what you know. Stretch the story's zenith to extra ordinary regions and press the form you're seeking. Be wordy with your wording. Use irony for laughs, and laugh and those who don't find it in their path. Balderdash. Stalk women. Skeet. Haunted past. Talk cynically. Walken bashing enemies with cock, just slapping viciously. This author raps auspiciously. Always live authentically. The rawest. Captain victory, passing, lapping anything. Autographing titties with long dramatic similes. |
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02-13-2014, 06:08 PM
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obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,709
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599682  |
your wording was off and idk what you were talking about
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precision defender Quote:
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02-13-2014, 06:18 PM
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rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 2,150
Rep Power: 0   |
oy vey!
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02-14-2014, 06:16 AM
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PROVEN BITER
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Wolverhampton
Posts: 1,588
Battle Record: 5-0
Champed - The Winter Topical
Rep Power: 1809298 |
lmao i pronounce it as "raw-shark" tbh
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PROVEN BITER |
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02-14-2014, 08:16 AM
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#5 |
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Super Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 7,420
Battle Record: 70-25
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - Battle Arena
- BA Picture
- Picture Battle Tournament
- Netcees Battle League (3x)
- Netcees Writers League (2x)
- Summer Classic VI
- Fall Brawl III
- Netcees Battle League Season X
- Lyric Olympics
Rep Power: 77164519 |
Lol
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Grumpy old man. |
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02-14-2014, 09:27 AM
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#6 |
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nok Su kow
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,505
Battle Record: 1-1
Rep Power: 51788022 |
Je ne sais pas du tout
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" |
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02-14-2014, 05:19 PM
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stokely carmichael of rap
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 144
Rep Power: 3155074 |
Quote:
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i used to do that here.. |
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02-15-2014, 01:29 PM
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Arm the Homeless
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 35079722 |
Quote:
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02-21-2014, 01:25 PM
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#9 |
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Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604320 |
Last line was cute.
Write what you know. Stretch the story's zenith to extra ordinary regions and press the form you're seeking. ^and ha, this was quotable. @dull boy One day you'll get reinvigorated enough to take a full trek. |
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02-21-2014, 07:44 PM
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#10 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: I live in Florida
Posts: 4,789
Battle Record: 3-8
Rep Power: 55521419   |
The ending was so cool, Next time add more lines.
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02-23-2014, 03:32 PM
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#11 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 180
Battle Record: 5-9
Rep Power: 38 |
Man idk I really enjoyed this to be honest. I think this is getting slept on. The thing that made this piece dope for me was the difference in your writing between how it began and how it ended. That's what intrigued me about it and kept it fresh. Good shit buddy, keep it up.
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02-24-2014, 10:17 AM
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#12 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 145
Rep Power: 671780 |
Quote:
The closing punch was awesome. And slapping viciously made me lol. I like this. But wtf is with 'balderdash, stalk women, skeet' ?? Keep writing. Last edited by Illume; 02-24-2014 at 10:19 AM. |
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02-24-2014, 11:54 AM
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#13 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0  |
this was solid g. A little on the short side, no?
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02-24-2014, 03:22 PM
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#14 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 160
Rep Power: 2208351 |
Intense flow. Especially the flow towards the beginning. This would sound great recorded.
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Soundcloud.com/TheDirtySerpent |
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Linear Mode
