Week 5 Magazine

[Sn00p]

Intro

'Sup, y'all. This is Sn00p with another edition of the AOBL
Magazine. This edition won't feature any nice graphics or
stuff like that because I don't have access to my desktop
PC and have to write this on my laptop, on which doing
any kind of graphic work is straight up impossible. Anyways,
we still got some cool things for these mags, since some
people volunteered to help me with this Mag. Also, my apo-
logies for this going up a day late. That is due to Knuckle-
head not sending me his stuff in time. No offense to him,
because I can understand he didn't have the time. But
from now on, I will start doing the parts on my own again
if people don't send 'em to me in time. So expect the next
mags to be all punctual. But enough with this, let's look at
last week's battles!





Reviews
—by bleak—

So this week was filled with landslide victories. Not in the
sense of the winning verse was immensely better than the
losing verse, in most battles. However, in almost every
battle, all of the votes went to one contestant. Let me
elaborate.


Knucklehead vs. Defiant
Knuck was more consistent in this one. The voters said that it
seemed like Def rushed this verse, which I can see. Knuck came
pretty hard throughout the battle, and had a couple rofls to add
in with the rest of his punches. I still don't know which text
retirement home Knuck limped out of when AOB went active...
But god bless them for trusting his knees to walk.

Line of the Battle: Knucklehead
u stay home & eat cheetos with milk, knuck get high with 9s & ascend son
i get bitches when i'm Zoned out.. u're so pathetic u've never even reached the Friend one


Utmost vs. Witty
One of the closer battles of the week. Idk who Utmost was
before he was Utmost, but we need to employ some detective
work to see who we are battling. Witty had some witty pun-
ches, but the voters didn't see it as enough to take it from Ut.

Line of the Battle: Utmost
Mag said you cud throw hands, I read n' LOL'd when you approached w/ ya writtens
Now all I'm seein here is Whitaker ring in a L.. like when Pernell had coke in his system


Hollywood vs. bleak
Not so close according to voters, but bleak put up a fight at
least. The voters said that bleak had some nice lines, but his
misses outweighed his hits. He came a lil reserved in this one,
and could have used his concepts a bit better. Yes, I'm doing
my own review, fuck you. Holly had a consistent verse and
swept the votes.

Line of the Battle: Hollywood
I'm doin it G, suited in fleece.. while you rock unusual tees w/ stains
in fact the only time you looked Sharp was at your own funeral HE arranged


Rayge vs. Mac
I've seen Macs name around quite a bit lately. He probably
could have used the tutoring in The Ultimate Writer tourney.
I can see that he has the idea of what to do, he just doesn't
do it. Ray is still getting better, although this verse wasn't
up with some I've seen. AN AWESOME MATCHUP WOULD BE
RAYGE VS. SHARP NINE. If you're listening, Snoop.

Line of the Battle: Rayge
shouldnt have joined this site, now u'll bleed profusely. This scrub is so shook
its AOB.....& after this u'll need blood donations from one of those groups


RPK vs. Ox
The voters disagreed on this one, even bringing Orc out of
hibernation to say how bad voting was. It was close, and RPK
took it. Not a very highly touted matchup, to say the least,
and the contestants were lackluster. RPK had a line, Ox had
a line, I had a stroke.

Line of the Battle: RPK
Watch me drop a dope phrase,I'm set to leave this hoe slain
People know I'm a Cannibal, Ox...so its fitting that I leave u with some Cold Veins


Sharp Nine vs. Flo Real
I'm having a lot more fun reading Sharp's verses these days,
as he is progressing very quickly. Flo still needs some pro-
gression to be able to knock off higher tier opponents, try
reading namix's forum. It's no hate, you just didn't get much
out of your UW tutor. Sharp took this one pretty easily, I'm
expecting great things. And tag medals.

Line of the Battle: Sharp Nine
You lost to CB in UW? I'm bout to wreck him - my gall's known
But you had such a hard time with Camp I was thought you needed to call home


Strikta vs. Nomad
Close battle here. Nomad had consistency, but nothing that
really stood out. Every line hit as hard as the last one, and
there weren't really any haymakers. Strik had a similar verse,
although the verse as a whole was fresher and cleaner. Nomad
seemed like he was out of practice, his style is dated.

Line of the Battle: Strikta
I'ma be logging w/ ya girl.. it's a part time job for that cock face
Yea, but MY four-stint trees jus' aren't enough to compare.. when she got raped


Dystopian vs. Vinzr
I've seen Vin around. His lines get a lot more love on RIA,
I wonder why? Anyways, neither verse was hot, but Dys
had a certain aura about his writing that made it hit harder.
Some of your punches are statementish however, and take
away from your concepts. Dys took this one easily in a dirt
bowl.

Line of the Battle: Dystopian
This gimmicks fucked with English, his every drops a field day for the critics
But its similar to trying indian cuisines, showing Vin da loopholes in his lyrics.


-Bleak da DON DON DIRTY LINES

you better not delete my sign off this time Snoop.

FUCK YALL.





Battle of the Week

Strikta vs. Nomad

Strikta
I'ma be logging w/ ya girl.. it's a part time job for that cock face
Yea, but MY four-stint trees jus' aren't enough to compare.. when she got raped
This shit means nothing to me.. & fuck ur name.. just scram dawg
I'd walk backwards if I gave a fuck about a Nomad or 1 text verse I gava dam on
Ur putrid & hardly livin'.. stupid, I see intrusions as options, niglet
So I'll put the scope on ya mouth & let a 325 do more than loosen da tarter in it
This stupid fuck isn't worth it, jus' mumblin' nothingness; worthless
Da way u tried to Russell up money lines, u could be Rush Card customer service
Ur not a challenge, I'd rather talk about when I fuck hoes instead
Ya girl uses her pussy muscles on the tip of my dick, that's a tough rode a head
I'm knockin' doors dowwwn like Pimp C when I'm sparkin' the tool
A Dora-fly open from u when ppl bust in on u beatin' ya meat to NickJr. cartoons
This that Delta 88 text.. where I run over ya fam to test da basics
& I'ma take ur mom out w/ the whip like Indiana Jones on romantic excavations

vs.

Nomad
I'll bet a pink slip on it, that i'll RIK roll RIK without fake posting a link
cause I'm dishin it to wash this walking dishwasher, and drown his hopes in a sink
this hoe showin kinks like a mingling nympho, so rippin'ems all too easy n simple
make'em MIA like his GED, dude couldn’t be gifted if he asked mall Kris Kringle
ill admit Tims really somethin, his illiteracy is a subject noone here's touchin
so when you hear Tim's going to Reed, then it's him spending time with his couzin
end of discussion ya a hopeless stan, see it's troubling how he boasts he's the man
you catching a break? pfft Tim's nowhere near bubbling except the soap in his hands
damn spazz aint up to the task, even Charlie Browns pet ended up murkin that ass
fake thugs gassed, Timothy aint buss'tin unless he's headin to work with a pass
this is dirt for his trash, dummie thought hed lose money when daylight was droppin hours
yah he's always sour, cause STRIKT is only relevant when talking bout his x-modding powers
ill shower roundhouses his way, surely he can be ''used to kick'' like his early days
serve'em more times than he claimed he'd stray, provin he's useless as the words he says
murdered n slayed with multiple personal punches i call it TRIfecta, shit is a wrap
but hold the applause, cuz everyone knows, him walkin streets only way TRIK gets the clap





Verse of the Week

Utmost (vs. Witty)

Originally Posted by Figurative
Jerking off is more depressing than anything... for me at least.
No it's really awesome, you must be doing it wrong.

Originally Posted by Witty

No it's really awesome, you must be doing it wrong.

Talk about proof? guess the courting process didnt net you ample beaver
when ya love lifes like Cake returnin to Ball... the handles neva leave ya
But IF you did have a chick. I'd take her, twist her fast n bust in raw
have her mouth at load bearing capacity..of a full cab; where she sucked me off
mag said you cud throw hands, I read n' LOL'd when you approached w/ ya writtens
Now all I'm seein here is Whitaker ring in a L.. like when Pernell had coke in his system
I'll throw the chrome away, let punches dig into chest til ya bones decay
& fuck beatin the brakes off you.. Im haulin off like the street fighter bonus stage
Sn00p said we both had potential - but after this. Im chief, head honcho elitist
See, Im gettin the keys to Cassel.. YOUR just gettin cut from the squad faster than he did
This bitch is a gonna, one swift blitz'll leave you chillin in trauma
have you shacked up in a cast for so long.. people'll think ur ice fishing w/ Lama
& U bein Irish, make sense man - cept boozin is only gettin you peril
Cuz if U'll act brolic from a keg stand... I'll watch you ale at the head of a barrel
.
.
.

[Sn00p]

Power Ranks
—by God of War—

1. Hollywood
this dude has been an issue since netcees. Probably
one of my favorite writers there and here. he has hard
punches really nice wordplay and a threat to any title
match he goes up against


2. Cashius
yep cash just signed back in but he is a monster and
gets a top spot right away . if you wonder why you wont
after he eats his opponent.


3. Strikta
strikta my dude and i think he gets hated on a little bit
i always thought his style got hated on but he has nice
punches good wording and has done damage to


4. Sharp Nine
this dude has come up heaps in my opinion and has some
nice punchlines, i can see sharp being a problem for a while
in any league w alot of big named battlers.plus he had a
nasty verse last week


5. Knucklehead
been doing his thing for a minute. still seems to have some
rust after i just peeped his defiant battle but still winning
so he gets top 5


6. Utmost
another dude that has improved a shit load, nice punches
nice wording crisp concents, dope job bro



Honorable Mentions

Defcon — this dude is a beast and one of the best battles
i seen of last year was him verses kenny the g so if he isnt
rusty he gonn eat people


Nomad — kid got potential, think his wording is long as fuck n etc
but he got a chance to get shit right


Defiant — he just lost or id have him in a top spot but it look like
he lazing back n taking it easy instead of trying to eat.





Cheers 'n' Jeers
—by bleak—

1: Cheer for AK and Sn00p, who seem to be in the finals for everything.

2: Cheers for Holly, for being consistent in denying who he actually is.

3: Cheers for Sharp Nine, who is making waves in the ladders.

4: Cheers for the fact that all no shows were double no shows.

5: Cheers for more competition in the league.

6: Cheers for Sn00p running all of this shit.


1: Jeer for Nik, who quits text every other month.

2: Jeers for DG, who will never realize how much we actually hate her presence.

3: Jeers for He whose name shall not be spoken, who realizes how much we hate him, but still tries.

4: Jeers for Hollywood looking like Dikembe Mutombo. NOT IN MY HOUSE lookin ass.

5: Jeers for Allen closing that thread before we really even started.

6: Jeers for people still not voting and/or posting links.

7: Jeers/Cheers for Lars having such a cool story about the past in Discussion.


Welcome back to 2013, AOB. This should be a fun week.





Predictions

@Hollywood vs. @Knucklehead
Is Hollywood Lyrs? Is Lyrs Salamander? Is Hollywood
Salamander? No matter how many of these questions
arouse, one thing's unquestioned, and that is Holly's
skill. Knucklehead is no one to take lightly, but going
against someone that's unbeaten running the gauntlet,
he will have to bring his very best. But then, Holly CAN
drop a little lazy at times. If he underestimates the
simian menace that Knucklehead poses, he could be
caught. Knowing that winning this will put him in a
champ match though, I doubt that he slacks. There-
fore, I predict him to beat the maybe still slightly
rusty Knucklehead and advance to the Champ Match.


@Dominate vs. @Utmost
Dominate may be Australian, but he is also a damn
good text battler. But then again, Utmost has been
improving at an alarming rate. If he keeps up the pace
he will catch upsets soon. Will Dom be the first of 'em?
Probably not. Dominate is a certified top tier text batt-
ler and Utmost is still trying to get there. That's why
I predict him to win this too. But then again, I like the
underdog just as much as everyone else, so please,
Ut, prove me wrong and make this the upset and battle
of the week!


@Sharp Nine vs. @RPK
Here, we have two more fast learners. Fucking head
of the class typea dudes. Sharp Nine has become an
overall solid text battler. RPK has the wording down,
but comes incredibly lazy at times. Don't get me wrong,
his wording's still good at those times, but he just does
not give a fuck about putting thought into his concept.
And that's where Sharp will catch him, I think. I got
Sharp as the more well-rounded of the two winning.


@Boredom vs. @Strikta
Another good battle. Bore's been battling a lot and he's
been winning too. Strik took a short break from text. I
think he managed to go like full 5 days without it. So
yeah, he isn't rusty at all. And Strikta is pretty damn
good at text if he ain't rusty. Has some of the best ge-
nerics around nowadays. I don't think that Boredom
will be able to top that, but then again I really wish so,
because he deserves to get some upsets by now. I
still got Strikta, but Boredom's here for surprises.


@151 vs. @God Of War
Unless 151 is a dope alias, God got this easy. I mean,
I don't have much to say about the good old 151, since
he's never battled here before. I kinda like his name tho,
that's why I fear he might be an alias. If he is, he can
make this close. If he isn't, he will go under against the
hard-hitting lines with surprisingly good wording for a
dude typing withsfd hsi elgbowzz. Because GoW is known
to bring 'em.


@Cashius vs. @Skunk
Skunk seemed like a chilled guy last week, just from the
posts he made in the chat thread. But I don't know
whether that relates to text skill. If he doesn't, he's in
trouble here, because Cash is one of the better dudes
around. He's got good concepts and good wording and
that should be enough to win here, unless Skunk knows
what he's doing because he's an alias or a wunderkind.


@Def_fuckin_5 vs. @PowPowBang
Def will be rusty, and that's Pow's chance. Pow sounds
like the kinda name Orc would choose tbh. I don't even
know why, but something reminded me of the good old
Burden when I heard it. If he's an Orc alias, he has good
chances in this. If he isn't, even a rusty Def will probably
be able to take him down. I got my money on Def.


@Dystopian vs. @Rayge
This will be quite the decent battle. Rayge has been
solid for a while and gets better too. Dys has some really
dope punchlines and then some not so good ones. If he
can just learn to stay consistent, he'll be good enough to
beat someone like Rayge. But as of now, I think Rayge is
the more consistent hitter of the too. And that will most
likely favor him a lot in the battle. I got Rayge, but Dys
is on my watch list. (Is he Plot by the way? The avy...)


@Defiant vs. @bleak
Def is good and bleak is getting better fast. I really like
bleak's wording nowadays. And that's always been the
one thing holding Def back. We'll see if that makes enough
of a difference here for bleak to win. He could very well do,
but Defiant's been around way longer and has got the ex-
perience on his side. I think that favors him here, but bleak
definitely has what it takes to make battles like these close
or win them.


@Witty vs. @Mac
Witty had his off-week in Week 4. But he still is one of good
new faces. I know that he's been around for a while, but to
me, he still feels new. Anyways, Mac's been dropping decent
verses. He's one of the people who could learn a lot from the
Ultimate Writer, I think. If you want, you can peep the Ulti-
mate Writer Semi-Finals Mag, Mac. Might be some shit you
could profit from in there. And yeah, Witty has already learned
most of what I'd advise Mac to study. That means he's on the
next level of txtceeing. Which is why I think he'll win this.
Mac can be good though, if he keeps elevating. Don't give up,
yo.


@Spartacus vs. @Split
I don't know Spartacus 'cause he's new and I don't remember
whether Split's good at battling, because I haven't read an
battle verse from him in quite some time. Damn. I do know that
Split's good at topicals, so if he can translate to battling, he
should be able to win against a newer guy. Spart has a cool
name though, so he might be an alias. Who knows? I don't,
apparently.


@Flo Real vs. @Vinzr
Both are decent. This will probably be an even battle. I feel
like Flo is slightly more creative but slightly worse at presenting
his lines. So this might depend of the voters' preference a lot.
I don't know; I'm pretty 50/50 on this, but if I had to choose
one, it'd be Vinzr probably. But only because he has more ex-
perience doing txt. This will be an open battle though. Both
can definitely win this if they try hard enough. G'luck you two.


@Ox vs. @Lotto Smirk
Some people thought Ox dropped really good last week and
got robbed. Lotto seems to be new to the site. I think that
favors Ox. Especially, since he seems to be really motivated
to avenge his (in some people's eyes) undeserved loss. So
yeah, he's the safe pick here. Lotto might just come with it
though.


@-_- vs. @Nomad
Nomad was very consistently decent last week. He knows how
to formulate a punch though. -_- has a name that makes any
ranking thread look weird. I think he just registered as that to
fuck me over. I SEE YOU, BRO. And you probably just wish you
could say the same. Ol' squinty eyes motherfucker. Oh well, I'm
obviously just kidding here. Uhm, I got Nomad. I know he's decent
and will only get better once he shakes off the rust. And I don't
know -_-. Whom I will refer to as Robert from now on. Just 'cause
it pisses my inner grammar Nazi off to use his name next to punc-
tuation, since that looks weird. So yeah, Robert might be an alias.
Than he could win here. I don't know. Time will tell.


@schoolblock vs. @Trouble
Schoolblock sounds German. lol. It's 'cause in German, you can
just chain nouns to one another in one word. Like 'sky scraper'
is 'Wolkenkratzer'. And 'sky scraper entrance' is 'Wolkenkratzereingang'.
And you can do that to infinity and beyond. So something like
Wolkenkratzereingangstürknaufmessingherstellungsfa brikant is
a grammatically correct word. And schoolblock seems to have
done the same with his name. Which makes him that much cooler
in my eyes. Yeah, fuck an educated prediction. Anyone that tries
to be German with his name is a fucking winner in my eyes. I got
schoolblock in a landslide here.

[Sn00p]

Interview
—by Knucklehead—

Knucklehead: Knucky Thompson here reporting from the AOBL week 5.
With me is txt legend Dominate. How are things on your side of the
wallabee sir?

Dominate: Lmao whattup Knuck. It's week 5. Things on my side of the
wallaby are pretty cool. Been pretty busy but I got a bit of time off
over the last couple days which came at a very good time with all the
Warthogshed happenings for me to read through and keep me enter-
tained

Speaking of Warthogshed, do you feel this event is a step forward? Orc
was pleased the people came together and became a community, would
you say you feel the same way?

I do feel it's a step forward. Obviously Dia as admin was an accident waiting
to happen, but it's good it happened early(ish) bc now it's really brought
the board together. This is what AOB's been missing. We kind of clowned
on that Flo Real kid the other week but he wasn't as much fun and more
importantly there were no pictures of warthogs thrown around. This episode
in AOB's history is a timeless classic

Indeed. It was what we needed to become more than just NCs replacement.
On that subject, do you think this site will keep growing and one day be as
much of an influence in txt as NC was?

In terms of the text battling/open mics scene yes definitely, I mean it already
is - it's the same people. If we recover all the archives and once word gets
around that AOB's got em then people will start coming here to re-read their
old stuff like they did on NC too.... Yea I think in time if AOB stays good it will
become a great site

Word. Well on to txt events. Rate the b2b on a scale of bad to great in terms
of blockbuster tourneys. Was it up to par with such legendary bouts as some
of the Summer Classics? If not what do we need to do for such epic happenings.

Nah it definitely wasn't on par with a Summer Classic. It was really disappointing
to see so many no shows and I think if that hadn't have happened it could've
been dope... I mean I think Allen Knight got to the final without actually having
a battle... he might've been there anyway cuz he's good but for someone to get
to a final that way is pretty wack.... Sn00p vs Nika was a cool read... the final
was OK but both have brought better... tbh I think the board just needed more
time to get going before we launched the first tourney... Should have let the
league run for a while first, if people noshow in that it doesn't have as much of
an effect on the whole thing as in a tourney...

I concur. How long until the next tourney should we wait? And what type should
it be, just a typical one or something more unique?

Maybe a month or two... whenever there is a lot of interest in one happening.
I think as a rule of thumb if you gotta leave the signups open for more than 36
hours then it's gonna be a failure... you should be telling people sorry you cant
get in this rather than hoping anyone and everyone will sign up just to make up
the numbers... maybe we could try something like a bad blood tourney, people
generally show up for the first round at least then and hopefully after that they've
already invested some time in the tourney so they'll keep going

How do you think the AOBL is shaping up after the rough start of no shows? You
are probably one of the top picks in most peoples eyes to Champ this pretty quick
after the winner of mine and hollys goes against the winner of b2b, but who else
do you think is a top contender?

AOBL is shaping up well I think. No shows are becoming less frequent and we've
got some good battlers in there. GOW and Hush signed in again I see, obv if they
stick around they will be contenders ... we'll see if they actually battle though...
apart from that Holly is dope, I'm dope, we've got a whole plethora of up & comers
who will be dope soon enough, especially if they stick around in this league...
should be good

Well we will wrap this up for now, thanks for the time man. Any last words or shout outs?

Just this:
[video=youtube;Etkws_5mexg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Etkws_5mexg[/video]





WTF's of the Week

WTF @ the Dia situation. Where's Mr. Wolf if you need him?

WTF @ me thinking warthogs are pronounced war thogs my entire life. I just realize it's simply a combination of the words wart and hog. And the German name for it is even a literal translation of those words.

WTF @ Robert registering under the name -_- when his real name is Robert.

WTF @ Bags and I drawing people. I might draw something for the next Mag.

WTF @ Knucklehead promising to do something, then not doing it, then doing the one thing I still neded for the Mag without me asking him to. Good looks.

WTF @ so many people always volunteering to help with these Mags. Y'all dope.

WTF @ the discussion board getting so fucking active when I have guests over and can't follow it all.

WTF @ the lack of votes on the L4L Champs' Cypher and the B2B Finals and the Ultimate Writer Semis.

WTF @ how good the next generation of text is looking. Been some time since we had so many good newcomers that actually are new and elevate fast. Props.

WTF @ AOB getting better by the day. We're doing it.





Outro

That's it. Like I said, no fancy graphics in these until I get back
to my real computer. But thanks to all our awesome contributors,
this still turned out nicely. Thanks a lot again, bleak, God of War,
Knucklehead and Dominate.
And again, sorry for this being up kiiinda late. I was waiting on
some parts, but I probably should've done them on my own. By
the way, where the fuck do you place the probably in that sen-
tence? Like before all the verbs or in between them? I dunno.
Whatever. Hope y'all enjoyed this read and I hope y'all drop &
vote.
The voting has gotten better too, so props on that. This league's
going good. And that's because of YOU. You're dope!

[Strikta]

Dope shit.

[Witty]

Dope mag.

And also, you got the probably in the right place @Sn00p

[Allen Knight]

ill mag yah'll did ur thing on this joint, props

[Mac]

got you

[Strikta]

Mac was a No Limit rapper from New Orleans who is currently in prison.

Dunno if u knew u were biting his name or not, or if u even cared.

[Split]

attaboy Sn00p good read

[Origin]

4: Cheers for the fact that all no shows were double no shows.
Origin vs. megatron {Origin wins by NS}

[Defiant]

dope shit man

[Lotto Smirk]

Dope shit sn00p

[namix]

argh.

im busy as fuck.

but it needs to be done.

signing in.

[namix]

i'm also drunk, which means i typically want to have sex and text battles... and now that i'm already 50% done with that list for the evening, this league looks really good to have sex with.

:cool:

[Split]

lmfao @namix hammered signing into the league in the magazine

[namix]

Originally Posted by Split

lmfao @namix hammered signing into the league in the magazine

there was no confusion here son, it was a warning shot yo! :cool: