War ain't easy, but it pays - Pancake & Vulgar

Vulgar · 10-03-2013, 11:18 PM

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Frank · 10-04-2013, 02:08 AM

First verse was very stirring, superbly sensational story telling,, the emotion remained true on the second read ,, good all around projection. . The projector showed your verse on the side of a bamboo house in some remote village ,, everybody sipped hot tea burning their mouths shouting "hot fiyah!!!!" That was a good verse , cake. . About time

Second verse followed capitalizing and going off on a terrific tangent, , the rebellion mach 1 free bird spirit read like an uprising of social commentary directed at the ozone of bozos ruling this planet...

Wu tang clan aint nuthin to fuck with

BWHAHA · 10-04-2013, 02:24 AM

teddy bear ghost lol !!

Wise Wiggles · 10-04-2013, 02:32 AM

Read cakes part but I'm tired and sick so I'll finish it tomorrow sometime blahh

StarFaggot · 10-04-2013, 03:37 AM

Yo pancake you're forgiven for not posting mag. After reading this I truly believe you had too much on your plate because this is just ass cheeks. The story itself is stupid & boring, the delivery has no imagination, the piece lacks profundity, depth, wit and is void of all imagery good grief this was ass hair. Like why even put this shit out fellas? Vulgar you could've found someone else because this is an embarrassment.

dull boy · 10-04-2013, 10:18 AM

Tell them what you really think, though.

NYCSPITZ · 10-04-2013, 10:51 AM

omg @ that bitch in why ways' sig

Bodey · 10-09-2013, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dull boy

Tell them what you really think, though.

lmao right

yo i was feelin this a lot. interesting approach. totally dif styles but it helped in the balance of things. opening verse grabbed my attention immediately, flowing right from the picture provided. descriptive. liked the italics part

as for vulgar, always killin it, always deep and thought-provoking. i dont know how you sort through so many concepts in your head and are able to put all that detail into one verse, it always amazes me. and like cake's opening verse, i dug the 2nd part of yours the best-- the ending. keep droppin shit like this, i'd like to hear this in audio if possible

dont know why this was slept on

Vulgar · 11-03-2013, 09:19 PM

Thanks, last up

Split · 11-05-2013, 09:39 AM

bring complexity, flow, Multies, enjoyment, Punchlines, concepts, but make sure it make sense.

10-03-2013, 11:18 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	War ain't easy, but it pays - Pancake & Vulgar [ Last edited by Vulgar; 12-07-2021 at 08:16 PM.

10-04-2013, 02:08 AM	#2
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	First verse was very stirring, superbly sensational story telling,, the emotion remained true on the second read ,, good all around projection. . The projector showed your verse on the side of a bamboo house in some remote village ,, everybody sipped hot tea burning their mouths shouting "hot fiyah!!!!" That was a good verse , cake. . About time Second verse followed capitalizing and going off on a terrific tangent, , the rebellion mach 1 free bird spirit read like an uprising of social commentary directed at the ozone of bozos ruling this planet... Wu tang clan aint nuthin to fuck with __________________ *VETWORK* Last edited by Frank; 10-04-2013 at 02:10 AM.

10-04-2013, 02:32 AM	#4
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Read cakes part but I'm tired and sick so I'll finish it tomorrow sometime blahh __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

10-04-2013, 03:37 AM	#5
StarFaggot Leave you flatlined. Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 5,108 Battle Record: 12-9 Champed - Site Diss 2013 - Tag Team Tournament III Rep Power: 0	Yo pancake you're forgiven for not posting mag. After reading this I truly believe you had too much on your plate because this is just ass cheeks. The story itself is stupid & boring, the delivery has no imagination, the piece lacks profundity, depth, wit and is void of all imagery good grief this was ass hair. Like why even put this shit out fellas? Vulgar you could've found someone else because this is an embarrassment. __________________ [B][CENTER][SIZE="5"] It's Aero join me at RAPBATTLES[/SIZE][/CENTER][/B]

11-05-2013, 09:39 AM	#10
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	bring complexity, flow, Multies, enjoyment, Punchlines, concepts, but make sure it make sense. __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com

10-04-2013, 02:24 AM	#3
BWHAHA Sophomore Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 176 Rep Power: 4754293	teddy bear ghost lol !!

10-04-2013, 10:18 AM	#6
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,053 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345604	Tell them what you really think, though.

10-04-2013, 10:51 AM	#7
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,031 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743547	omg @ that bitch in why ways' sig

11-03-2013, 09:19 PM	#9
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Thanks, last up