Twin Tourney Topical Division Semi Final: symetrik vs brokenhal0 - OPEN FOR VOTES

[Dominate]

Welcome to the Twin Tourney - Topical Division!

This round we have four competitors duking it out for a coveted spot in the final.

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Monday
Extensions are 24 hours


Line Limit:

16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:

@symetrik @brokenhal0

[symetrik]

check. I already know I need the extension - work be piling up.

[brokenhal0]

im probably gonna go over the line limit but ill try to keep it 32 max ext.

[symetrik]

“Hi, my name’s Eric and I’m an addict.”

I cleared my throat, a cold Styrofoam coffee clutched in my hands.
”For the last, like… eight months, I’ve been addicted to scag.
I wouldn’t usually be here, but things have gotten pretty bad,
and I figured this was my last chance to return to the right path.

I ascribed to a culture that I only started living in my 20th year
but had recently learned shit that confirmed my heaviest fears.
It wasn’t strength but savagery, from the skald to the seers,
seeking to shed blood over their swords and spears.

It was a moment of identity that history had run through,
and so, learned; I burned every piece I clung to,
but I still see omens, even knowing they’re untrue.
A white dude feeling guilty about things I couldn’t undo.

It cracked an already fragile foundation,
founded by my grandad, his back bad and already aching,
prattling adages seemingly addled by ages
that advocated patience and strength in the face of any battles awaiting…

and there I was, needle down. Bare is the back of a brotherless man.
I’m an addict, admittedly, but I’d never admitted it ‘til I struggled to stand.”

They applauded when I finished - witnesses. An alibi that was part of the plan.
I left the room silently, hoping to amend soon for a past with fresh blood on the land.

The air was windy and cold. Frost-tinted windows of cars parked under a solitary light’s glow,
and two blokes stood by an old Chevy, eyes heavy with a quiet hope that it might snow.

I smiled politely and strolled by as thunder rumbled, turning the block.
I got to my car, fumbled in my pocket, pressed the key to the lock,
and got in - my head fogged and my eyes glued to the glovebox,
my willpower waning from sight like the Víkingr’s boats after they’d shoved off.

I was pulled from my woes by a loud caw;
A raven alighted the vehicle’s hood with a dead mouse in its southpaw,
claw tapping gently on the metal as it steadily tilted its head
and surveyed me, a mere mortal treading on the realm of the dead.

I breathed in deeply and opened the glovebox; my heart was tired.
Across the street, an old man closed his curtains as a car backfires

[brokenhal0]

'' Symmetrical Treeformity''


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFWu3uKieq8

His name was Eric, a real gem of a guy,
A testament that deformed people can rock denims just fine.
He never got straight to the point, and his life resembles his spine.
On another level, we all convince ourselves of reasons to realign.
Eventually, he found peace, but not in the trees you climb.
That one tree that's buried deep inside,
That one tree that frees you from the leeches that bleed your mind.

Each step was a war against pain,
Each breath another plea to release the tension.
The villagers called him a living curse; no surgery could rid his scourge.
Get immersed at best, he was a feature credit.
The simple purrs of a Persian cat were his only friend,
His spine bent to the bitter end,
Walking around town shaped like the letter "M."

There was a myth of a desert tree that glowed,
That brought balance to the soul.
Eric set on a journey to
“Make him whole” like the Rhodochrosite Rose.
Moving slow, hope carved in sand; his prayers remain etched in time.
The whispers of a foreign land, with a promising cure, propelled his climb.

He found the tree at dawn’s first light, no words could describe
What he felt inside encountering such a fantastic being.
A masterpiece carved beyond Gaia’s most wildest dreams,
Its branches blocked the sun; they looked like massive beams.
The sky above, the earth below, bent to all its ancient grace,
A deep rooted relic of the universe, stuck in between time and space.

He placed his hands upon its twisted roots,
Each tendril bore its fruits.
“I seek to stand,” as tall as you,
Eric demanded repeatedly, something he would often do.
The tree responded silently, in a sudden flare,
Eric felt his spine grow straight,as his burdens became light as air.

He stood up staring at the stars, for a moment the world was cradled in his palms.
The crooked paths that bound his life now vanished in the glow.
And yet, the power surged too far he knew he would have to go.
The roots began to twist his feet; as his arms grew stiff as stone,
The voice of the ancient tree entwined with his own.
“Eric, you sought my strength, and now you are the guardian of my bough.”

The man became the myth reborn,
His life a sacred chain once deformed.
For those who live a crooked path
In straightened lanes and suffer endless pain,
The tree remains.
As this story spreads like roots from deserts to the streets,
Eric's voice will never cease.
For every soul that gets straightened out
Searches for their own release.

[PancakeBrah]

symetrik - Interesting, evocative, uneven, confusing, good. Really thematic and allusory. Maybe I've been gone for too long and its now the norm for these topical or open mic pieces to carry a consistent evocation that circles in on itself but I would doubt that. At first the overt narrative and the thematic backbone seemed at odds which lead to a confusing initial read. Or, at least, confusing on the surface. For instance, in the fourth section what exactly cracked the foundation? The identity? The burning of the identity? Or the lingering omens? Charitably someone could say that inexactness contributes to the blending of of the historical themes and 'real life' action but I'd wager a cleaner connection serves the piece. After a few re-reads, though, it all coalesces into something quite nice in my opinion. I've never been plot-pilled so whether or not I truly understand the actual actions of a piece is immaterial to my enjoyment of it so long as there is other enjoyment to be found. There is enjoyment to be found here. As far as I can interpret it, we have an addict (or more likely someone posing as an addict) using a sobriety meeting as an alibi. He's of Nordic ancestry and obviously has some real fucking mental issues. Comes to believe that the classic lie of the noble Vikings (which could be applied to any ancient warrior culture we romanticize) is incorrect, that human nature is violence. Seems to embrace that. We can assume what is in the glovebox what with the theme of evil human nature, symbols of death, and the classic car backfire. Some might question the relation to the topic but to me the prompt, in relation to this piece, is clearly Yggdrasil. If that's not what you intended that's fine as I think it works strongly regardless of intent, and the fact you leave it up to the reader to make the connection is the sign of a confident writer.

So we have a meditation on the classic Hobbs v. Locke debate using a kind of Fight Club / noir plot device. To the actual writing I had some issues but I always feel a bit weird critiquing style and technique. For instance I'd rather cold styrofoam just be styrofoam, I hate heaviest in 'heaviest fears', didn't like solitary. Basically a few too many unnecessary adjectives for my taste. Some phrases are probably okay and technically 'correct' but read awkwardly to me, like the Raven's southpaw, the exact use of alighted, 'amend soon', etc. Also you have the classic problem of a long quotation in a topical piece. Keeping quotes shorter, breaking them up with rhyming attributions, etc. usually is a crisper way to do this although I enjoy the risk of this approach. Not at all all bad, though. The brotherless man bar was nice. The final two sections were the strength of the piece. Always nice to finish strong.

Really enjoyed reading this, and moreso re-reading it. Had a bit more depth than what I expect, and depth in a different way. Thanks.

brokenhal0 - Point of order, I find using Youtube links, any external links, basically anything that isn't just the verse distracting at best and insulting most likely. This is something I'll mention in the other topical battle as well. I used to add the topical's photo to the end of my piece when I did these and regret that. The piece should stand on its own and extra media either takes away from that or adds to it and in adding to it could be seen as unfair to the competitor. Not everyone agrees with that, that's fine. Each voter is different.

This felt a bet repetitive and lacking cohesion. I think mentioning the tree in the first section then introducing that, or a different, tree later on in the piece could be workshopped somehow. The wording of the first mention doesn't lend itself to thinking its the same as the key plot device tree unless you just assume the latter half of the piece is entirely metaphorical. If we assume that, the tree is buried deep inside but within one's inner desert which requires an inward journey and this desert is in one's inner foreign land etc. Don't know, seems a bit sloppy to me. The re-use of spine and reiteration of Eric's condition felt a bit too much like a hammer. One line would do the trick for this unless the subsequent mentions had evocative turns of phrase or propelled the piece which I don't think they did. Also, most 'gem of a guy' types don't "demanded repeatedly, something he would often do." This all may seem nitpicky but when doing a character sketch and or a low action, meditative piece these things matter. The content is the point so the content has to be on point. This piece reminds me of some thoughts I've had on trying to write topicals in the past. Trying to capture beauty or redemption, and how to write something somewhat static that bursts with ebulience, and how to translate that ebulience in a written piece that rhymes. I found it rather difficult to do that and failed at it every time I tried it. Because the crux of this piece is the transformation and transcendence and rebirth but the crescendo of the piece presented didn't impress that upon me well enough. In that way it felt a bit rote, which is very surprising to me as you are one of the most unique (for [mostly] good and [rarely] bad) writers on this site. This felt like a course correction I wouldn't make. Not at all all negative - the phrasing in certain sections was quite nice and I enjoyed the more stripped down ending section a bit.

Vote - symetrik

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Symetrik:
I read your verse once before but didn’t take notes. Now that I’m revisiting it and taking notes as I go, this feedback might come across a little scattered—so bear with me.

Starting with the coffee in Styrofoam cups: initially, I was hung up on this. I don’t drink much coffee—caffeine’s not really my thing—and the image seemed odd at first. Does anyone actually drink coffee out of Styrofoam, hot or iced? But never mind, it just took me a second to visualize it. Styrofoam cups are the norm at offices and worksites. Smh, I'm an idiot.

Onward—"skald," "seers," "seeking swords and spears." The alliteration here is phenomenal, creating a rhythm that pulls the reader in. I’m really enjoying how you weave ancient imagery with modern undertones, layering the verse with duality. For example, “a white dude feeling guilty about things I couldn’t undo” injects a contemporary sociopolitical lens. However, its inclusion is a little ambiguous—maybe it’s purely a nod to the character's checkered past without deeper commentary, or maybe there’s a larger subtext here. Either way, I’d appreciate a bit more clarity on how this ties into the broader narrative.

"It cracked an already fragile foundation"—this line lands well, both as a direct reference to the picture and a thematic pivot. The mechanics throughout are tightly laced, with clever rhymes and tongue-twisting assonance. The phrase “needle down” stood out to me. Whether intentional or not, I interpreted the needle as a metaphorical sword—a sharp, pointed catalyst in the story.

The integration of Icelandic/Nordic history, particularly through the grandfather's proverb, adds depth and context. It enriches the narrative and seamlessly ties into the Viking-inspired undertones. The imagery overall is vivid and atmospheric, mirroring an ancient Viking environment reimagined in modern times.

The descriptions—“car parked under a solitary light’s glow,” “two dudes on the corner hoping it might snow”—are striking. That said, I’m curious: who actually wants it to snow? Maybe they’re snowboarders, or it’s Christmas Eve? Either way, it’s a quirky detail that works. The thunder rumbling and eyes glued to the glovebox build tension beautifully, foreshadowing what’s to come.

The raven is another brilliant touch—a harbinger of fate and a messenger of the All-Father. Its movements on the car—tapping, shifting—were so well done they might be my favorite part of the verse. It’s eerie, symbolic, and evocative.

The line “a mere mortal treading on the realm of the dead” is powerful, evoking Valhalla or Hel. The ending, where death takes center stage, felt earned and fitting. While many topicals end in death for dramatic flair (and it can often feel predictable), here it works seamlessly because the groundwork was laid throughout the piece. The narrative of a character tethering between life and death made it satisfying and climactic.

Overall, this was a stellar piece.

Brokenhalo:
Right off the bat, I wasn’t a fan of the “denim” line. It felt out of sync with the atmosphere you created, which leaned more ancient and mythological than modern. That said, I’m nitpicking because the next three lines quickly drew me back in. The wordplay surrounding the character’s medical condition and the tree related theme was masterfully executed.

I wasn’t familiar with a “rhodochrosite rose” and had to look it up. Even then, I struggled to connect how it could “make him whole.” If it’s a reference to a story or adage I’m unfamiliar with, I’d appreciate more context. That aside, the language throughout was richly poetic and descriptive, conjuring a classical quest narrative.

The protagonist’s journey to seek mythical power that promises normality felt vibrant and epic. Your portrayal of the tree—with its "tendril(s)" suggesting sentience—was haunting and imaginative. It didn’t just feel alive; it felt conscious and aware, as though it had its own ancient, otherworldly purpose.

Up until the line “he knew he would have to go,” everything felt tightly constructed. However, the word “go” felt like a placeholder, almost incomplete. It stood out against the otherwise eloquent language.

I loved the use of the word “bough”—it was effective in implying that the protagonist wasn’t the first seeker and wouldn’t be the last. It hinted at a cycle of entrapment, where those who sought the tree became part of it (like branches). The ending twist, while striking, felt abrupt. The tree’s actions raised more questions than answers, leaving me wishing for more insight into its motivations or purpose.

Was becoming part of the tree really a better fate than living with deformity? That ambiguity lingers—and while it’s thought-provoking, it also felt unresolved.
Side note, I appreciated the strategy behind naming the character Eric. It was a clever way of playing mind games with your opponent—introducing a meta battle within the battle. A fun, layered tactic.

Your language and imagery deserve high praise. The writing was vivid without being overbearing, leaving just enough space for the reader’s imagination. The name Eric, though modern, and perhaps, geographically inaccurate, worked to create an interesting dissonance, adding to the mental chess match between you and Symetrik.

Vote:
This was an incredibly close battle, and choosing between the two was tough. Both of you excelled at world-building, technical execution, and delivering compelling imagery.

I appreciated Brokenhalo’s classical quest vibe and poetic language, but the lack of a clear metaplot or resolution felt like a missed opportunity. The ending, while intriguing, left me with unanswered questions—why did the tree behave as it did? What deeper meaning tied it all together? Additionally, lines like “denim” and “go” slightly detracted from an otherwise stellar piece.

Symetrik, on the other hand, crafted a more cohesive and complete narrative. The foreshadowing, from the use of “omen” to the grandfather’s proverb, created a satisfying arc. The ending tied back to the beginning seamlessly, providing a sense of closure. Details like the raven, the tension in the glovebox scene, and the name Eric—which subtly tied into his Viking lineage—enhanced the story further.

P.S. I interpreted Symetrik’s take on the picture as a nod to Yggdrasil, the ancient Viking myth of a tree containing the nine realms, while Brokenhalo’s approach reminded me of the Tree of Life from ancient myths, and more specifically, the move The Fountain, where the explorer becomes one with the tree.

Ultimately, I’m giving Symetrik the edge, but only by the thinnest of microscopic margins. This was easily the best battle of the tournament so far—major props to both of you.

[fraze]

Originally Posted by symetrik

“Hi, my name’s Eric and I’m an addict.”

I cleared my throat, a cold Styrofoam coffee clutched in my hands.
”For the last, like… eight months, I’ve been addicted to scag.
I wouldn’t usually be here, but things have gotten pretty bad,
and I figured this was my last chance to return to the right path.
Nice intro to setup the story. Rhymes are shaky here and there but you're setting up the narrative well

I ascribed to a culture that I only started living in my 20th year
This is the pivotal line of the piece in that it connects the speaker to the Viking culture which establishes the connection to the topic through Yggdrasil. I think you would have been better served to strengthen that connection in this stanza, because without it, the piece is disconnected from the topic, and the following tie-ins don't work as well.
but had recently learned shit that confirmed my heaviest fears.
It wasn’t strength but savagery, from the skald to the seers,
seeking to shed blood over their swords and spears.
Nordic vocab works well to set up the theme of the piece. the flow is picking up a bit but rhymes still on the simple side

It was a moment of identity that history had run through,
and so, learned; I burned every piece I clung to,
but I still see omens, even knowing they’re untrue.
A white dude feeling guilty about things I couldn’t undo.
Picking up the rhymes even more. Cool introspection and I think this works on several levels, both with the present day tie in to white guilt and also the guilt of vikings who were fairly brutal conquerors throughout Europe. I would hope that raping and pillaging has some psychological cost, and its written to echo both sides both historical and modern

It cracked an already fragile foundation,
founded by my grandad, his back bad and already aching,
prattling adages seemingly addled by ages
that advocated patience and strength in the face of any battles awaiting…
solid rhymes here but the stanza doesn't do much to progress the piece. you possible could have skipped this to give more space to flesh out the topic connection.

and there I was, needle down. Bare is the back of a brotherless man.
I’m an addict, admittedly, but I’d never admitted it ‘til I struggled to stand.”
this is cool. nice rhymes and punchy flip.

They applauded when I finished - witnesses. An alibi that was part of the plan.
I left the room silently, hoping to amend soon for a past with fresh blood on the land.
Setting up the next part of the piece. Would have liked to see more in the rhyme scheme to carry this section. I know you're moving the narrative along but don't love the single syllable end rhymes


The air was windy and cold. Frost-tinted windows of cars parked under a solitary light’s glow,
and two blokes stood by an old Chevy, eyes heavy with a quiet hope that it might snow.
Descriptive scene setting. Rhyming is a little off. Doesn't feel like this section does much for the story

I smiled politely and strolled by as thunder rumbled, turning the block.
I got to my car, fumbled in my pocket, pressed the key to the lock,
and got in - my head fogged and my eyes glued to the glovebox,
my willpower waning from sight like the Víkingr’s boats after they’d shoved off.
Starting to setup the answer for why a alibi is needed. Also another Nordic tie in

I was pulled from my woes by a loud caw;
A raven alighted the vehicle’s hood with a dead mouse in its southpaw,
claw tapping gently on the metal as it steadily tilted its head
and surveyed me, a mere mortal treading on the realm of the dead.
A little bit of foreshadowing, more vocab based tie ins

I breathed in deeply and opened the glovebox; my heart was tired.
Across the street, an old man closed his curtains as a car backfires
ending is pretty overwhelming. would have liked a more solid connection back to the topic theme. you're also leaving a lot to the reader to interpret in terms of what happened. nothing wrong with that, but you also risk losing people along the way

Originally Posted by brokenhal0

'' Symmetrical Treeformity''


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFWu3uKieq8

His name was Eric, a real gem of a guy,
A testament that deformed people can rock denims just fine.
He never got straight to the point, and his life resembles his spine.
On another level, we all convince ourselves of reasons to realign.
Eventually, he found peace, but not in the trees you climb.
That one tree that's buried deep inside,
That one tree that frees you from the leeches that bleed your mind.
solid start. liked straight/spine/realign wp. early topic connection but it doesn't feel more purposeful than a mention

Each step was a war against pain,
Each breath another plea to release the tension.
The villagers called him a living curse; no surgery could rid his scourge.
Get immersed at best, he was a feature credit.
The simple purrs of a Persian cat were his only friend,
His spine bent to the bitter end,
Walking around town shaped like the letter "M."
Dude has scoliosis. Liked the closing here but waiting to see where you're going with it

There was a myth of a desert tree that glowed,
That brought balance to the soul.
this is the pivotal point of your piece. i don't think you spent enough time setting up the connection between man and mystical tree, or a motive for this specific journey. most people with disfiguring spine conditions probably aren't going to trek out in search of a magic oak. why is your character compelled? without an answer to this, the rest of the piece never really comes together.
Eric set on a journey to
“Make him whole” like the Rhodochrosite Rose.
Moving slow, hope carved in sand; his prayers remain etched in time.
The whispers of a foreign land, with a promising cure, propelled his climb.
nice rhyming, but I'm not feeling much development in the story. we haven't really set up the character or giving readers a reason to care about him. A lot of descriptions but not much is happening.

He found the tree at dawn’s first light, no words could describe
What he felt inside encountering such a fantastic being.
A masterpiece carved beyond Gaia’s most wildest dreams,
Its branches blocked the sun; they looked like massive beams.
The sky above, the earth below, bent to all its ancient grace,
A deep rooted relic of the universe, stuck in between time and space.
rhyming is okay. leaning a bit too much on description. the piece is starting to feel a little rushed at this point. the rhymes are a lot simpler and the story feels pretty flat

He placed his hands upon its twisted roots,
Each tendril bore its fruits.
“I seek to stand,” as tall as you,
Eric demanded repeatedly, something he would often do.
The tree responded silently, in a sudden flare,
Eric felt his spine grow straight,as his burdens became light as air.
still feels rushed. you have some concepts here but they don't really develop into something i can attach a strong feeling to. this is supposed to be a transformative moment, you should play around with word choice to see if you can punch up the impact.

He stood up staring at the stars, for a moment the world was cradled in his palms.
The crooked paths that bound his life now vanished in the glow.
And yet, the power surged too far he knew he would have to go.
The roots began to twist his feet; as his arms grew stiff as stone,
The voice of the ancient tree entwined with his own.
“Eric, you sought my strength, and now you are the guardian of my bough.”
i get it. it not like the story doesn't make sense. but none of the characters motivations have been setup, so as a reader you don't know why to care about what's being described

The man became the myth reborn,
His life a sacred chain once deformed.
For those who live a crooked path
In straightened lanes and suffer endless pain,
The tree remains.
As this story spreads like roots from deserts to the streets,
Eric's voice will never cease.
For every soul that gets straightened out
Searches for their own release.
i liked the ending tbh. Nice internal rhymes and some coolish imagery.

Symetrik: Solid piece and well executed throughout. Would have like to see more variations in terms of the patterns and complexity of the rhymes but you told a solid story. The topic connection was mostly implicit, meant to be inferred from the use of vocab through the piece, but this was a little bit too subtle for my tastes. I do like the approach of being more indirect when it comes to the topic, but to make this hit you need to be strategic and intentional about how you tie it together. Some of the vocab felt out of place where it was used, and I would have appreciated a few more direct (or indirect) connections to the tree that is the focal point of the topic pic.

brokenhal0: I didn't love this piece from you, mostly because I feel like it doesn't meet your usual standard. Won't judge too harsh as it was likely just a busy week irl, but it doesn't seem like you really got to develop a theme or flesh out much of the story. A technically solid piece and it meets the line limit, but it doesn't feel fully fleshed out. After a couple reads, I get and like the concept, but I feel like you left some fertile (no pun) ground untouched. A stanza or so building the relationship or some significance between to the two main characters would have done a lot to bring it home.

Vote: SymetrikI think this was a solid battle on both sides but each piece left me wanting more in different ways. I would have like to see Symetrik take better advantage of the topic pic (i.e if reading it with or without the picture doesn't change your perception of the piece, it feels less like a topical verse and more like something for the open mic.) That being said, you did enough to tie it together. Hal0's verse felt like it was missing a prequel chapter. It ended strong and it made sense but the part where the reader gets invested in the characters never happened. At the end of the day, I think Symetrik edges this on technique but might have been different if hal0 had more time for his verse.

[Dominate]

Symetrik:
My interpretation of your interpretation on the topic was like … the dark underside of the tree representing the savagery underneath the noble Viking image. I wasn’t aware of Yggdrasil before reading other’s votes, but that definitely works, and strengthens the connection. Rhymes were a step up from last week and that really elevates your writing, for me. I am not 100% sure I’ve got the story right. It’s either Eric is genuinely overcome with despair at learning the true, violent af nature of his Nordic roots and the omens he sees everywhere like the raven drive him to commit suicide. Or, he is just pretending so to this group of people, and then (reluctantly?) embracing the violence of his culture, he murders the guys next to the Chevy. Most of the verse gave me the former, but the line about the alibi threw me off. Some of the middle section that was not italicized and within the quotation marks seemed like it could have been internal reflections/monologue rather than his ‘spiel’ to the group. I wondered if that was actually what you intended, because the opening lines of dialogue had a much more casual, conversational tone compared to the more expository lines that followed. But then you seemed pretty deliberate with the italicizing, so perhaps not. The lack of clarity on the plot does take something away from my overall enjoyment. Maybe it’s my fault and I’m a dummy and missing something obvious. Sorry. So while I do have some criticism for the overarching story, bar by bar, section by section, your writing is excellent. From the little details of each scene like the styrofoam cup, the choice of “scag” as an addiction which sounds like a Nordic word itself (skag?), the alliterative bar, the inclusion of multiple thematic elements without it being rammed down our throats (brotherless man bar was a particularly nice touch)… the raven stanza was awesome - very deftly built the tension and intrigue right before the grand finale. The attention to the glovebox and the neighbor hearing a car backfiring was also so well done. That was a perfect example of letting the reader do just the right amount of work IMO. It’s clear enough, without being explicitly stated.


Halo:
LOL at your protagonists having the same name. Nice. This is exactly the sort of idea I expected and hoped you’d go with - it plays right into one of your greatest strengths, being vivid imagery. That worked especially well for you here where you were describing the tree. Your rhyme schemes here started stronger than they finished but were decent enough throughout. The story you crafted was engaging, and I had no trouble at all following it and understanding how every line fit into the piece overall — I’m not sure if you’ve always been capable of writing that way and have only recently chosen to, or if your writing has just improved a lot, but as far as my preferences go what I’m seeing in this tourney is soooo much better than what I remember from you in season 10 AOWL. The biggest issue you have now, IMO, is some missteps in the minutiae. Others have listed a few but I’ll add a couple more: “most wildest” is redundant - wildest is already the superlative form, "Gem of a guy" feels too modern and casual, out of sync with the mythological tone, "Get immersed at best, he was a feature credit." – confusing. I don’t know what’s meant by immersed or by feature credit here, “I seek to stand,” as tall as you, — quotation marks end in the wrong place. It seems nitpicky maybe but all of these things add up over the span of the verse and leave the reader with the impression that your command of language isn’t as strong as your opponent’s. That said, the phrasing in other parts was really good - the description of the tree in particular.


Vote - Symetrik

[Dominate]

Symetrik wins 4-0