Twin Tourney Topical Division Round 1: Scar vs brokenhal0 - OPEN FOR VOTES!

[Dominate]

Welcome to the Twin Tourney - Topical Division!

We have eight competitors with their eye on the semi-finals round. Only four will progress. Do you have what it takes to survive?

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Friday and will be open until Monday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:

@Scar @brokenhal0

[brokenhal0]

THE LIFE OF A PITBULL NAMED SCAR

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIjXOYKlnWI

Staring through the door,
Bearing what’s been lost,
Scratching lines are crossed,
Hair standing on my paws.
Scary silence sourced,
Stay barking at the bitches
While you stay fighting with your broads.

I’m chained in the yard, like a prisoner of war,
My muscles are iron forged, crawl before I die,
And die before I crawl.
Defying nature’s laws until death’s deciding call,
I will kill any man or animal I come across.
Loyal to my owner, don’t care about the cause.
Do you dare to find the force?
It’s like I hit third base,
When I get that first taste of something dying in my jaws…the pitbull.

Man breeds for purpose and for fame, but I’m here to teach you loyalty and honor.
It’s insane how I remain silent amidst the pain respect comes in two ways: love or instant hate.

Scar is at the gate,
Carved in twisted shape,
Another bulldog, limping in the rain,
Starved from what he takes.
Hours away from euthanasia,
Coming from an inbred litter,
prone to hip dysplasia.
Don’t look too deep
You’ll get put to sleep when the pitbulls shake ya.

Scar’s heart beats in shock,
Then it seems to stop
A five hour battle of gameness,
Logged on ticking clocks.
Jaws begin to lock, jugulars begin to pop.
My opponent don’t quit, he just sits,
As his last breath drifts outside the box.

This is how it ends.
Bliss is not your friend.
Dogs that twist until they bend,
Then they bite again.

You love the light they send.
I love my fighting friend.
Blood has marked this ground,
Flood the hollow sound.
Time to stud, the champion crowned,
Test your heart, best to start when the sun is down.

Now I’m an old dog,
Slow to move at all,
Knowing what I bore,
Chosen to explore,
Just hoping for a treat,
Broken from what I saw.
My owner’s laying dead near an open refrigerator door,
Now I’m stuck here pissing and shitting on the floor.

Another pitbull,
Placed in a shelter and euthanized
What was I fighting for?

[Scar]

“Where the antelopes play”

In the quiet corners of our shared days,
Where laughter lingers and sunlight plays,
Friendship weaves a tapestry fine,
Stitched with secrets, both yours and mine.

Through storms that test and trials that bend,
A steadfast bond, not just a trend;
In whispered hopes and dreams we dare,
A sanctuary built with tender care.
No explanation of why we sent him there
Lie down! Play dead! How does this rendered fair?

With honesty as the thread that binds,
We navigate the labyrinth of our minds;
In silence, we find comfort and grace,
A mirror reflecting each other's face.
With grace he strutted against the Appalachian backdrop
The trout sprouting as the prairie dogs raced to escape the red fox


As seasons shift and paths may part,
True friendship endures, a work of art;
In every chapter, it blooms anew,
A timeless melody, a faithful tune.
Engaged in few words, a gift that’s ended
A magic rendered as man’s best friend

[ACTIVATE SELF]

BH
Okay, I’m going to nitpick a bit here. First, that’s not a pitbull in the picture—it looks more like a beagle, which is a far cry from a fighting dog. Also, I’m a little unclear on one part: did the dog in your story kill its owner, or was someone or something else responsible? That transition threw me off a bit.

That said, this was a really dope piece. While it was loosely tied to the photo, I could still track your train of thought. You captured the perspective of a pitbull—a breed often raised and trained for violence—facing punishment for a life it was essentially forced into. The way you framed this story made it feel both brutal and sympathetic. I thought you nailed the balance between viciousness and vulnerability, especially toward the end.

The way you wove your opponent’s name into the story was super creative, turning the battle into a high-stakes figurative clash. From a technical standpoint, your writing was on point—compact bars, clean multis, strong internals, and a crisp, steady flow. You brought a raw intensity to this piece that I really enjoyed.

—

Scar
It’s been a while since I last read your work, and this piece reminded me why I’ve always enjoyed it. Your verse felt poetic—almost Shakespearean, though maybe more akin to another classic author I can’t quite place. Either way, it flowed effortlessly, and your word choice was both elegant and effective.

There’s not a ton for me to critique here because, as you said in the piece, it’s a “timeless melody” about man’s best friend, and that sums it up perfectly. You painted a beautiful picture of a country dog living its best life—running free, chasing things, performing tricks, and being the quintessential loyal companion. It had a nostalgic quality that made it a joy to read.

—

Vote
This was an interesting battle with two very contrasting styles. BH’s piece was gritty, raw, and visceral—like an early internet video of a dogfight, disturbing yet captivating. Scar’s, on the other hand, felt like a serene 1900s oil painting—a nostalgic portrait of simpler times in the countryside.

Both pieces were great for entirely different reasons, which made choosing a winner tough. Ultimately, though, I found myself more drawn to BH’s intense imagery and raw emotional depth over Scar’s whimsical poetics. That said, this was a close call, and I enjoyed both pieces a lot.

[Etherwave]

BHs Was a greatly built story. Imagery beautiful and an almost complete world.

Sacr, I really want to like your piece, but it feels soulless. Maybe the topic didn't inspire you.

My vote is for broken hal

[symetrik]

broken halo:

I think I get the idea, story of a pitbull, name-dropped opponent as a dying/weak other dog, then your owner dies... buuuut a lot of it just didn't land for me. shit like "crawl before I die and die before I crawl", "hit third base", "pitbulls shake ya", "dogs that twist until they bend" - it seems like a lot of this was kinda filler to make a semblance of a story without much meat to it - story was like "I'm a pitbull, there's a bulldog that's dumb, some abstraction, then I'm old and my owner died" and never gave me a chance to connect to... anything.

scar:
same gripe imo - it was sorta just a flowery poetry piece about friendship between a dog and a human. not that that's bad, just missing a significant story, even more so than your opponent, with what seems to be the exception with the appalachian trail bit about how maybe the dog was a hunting hound.

weak battle, but I'm scar's verse was tighter and clear in its purpose, despite not giving me a story that I did crave - and despite broken halo's doing that, it did it in a really rag tag, unclear way that didn't make me connect to anything.

mvgt Scar

[Dominate]

Halo:
It’s definitely not a pit bull or even a bully breed / fighting dog in the pic, so that had me a little peeved right off the bat lol. So I do have a bit of an issue with your take on the topic because if that but okay, let’s see what you did with it…
Yeah cool, this was a bit better than I thought it would be. I liked the story, and it all tied together really nicely - I’ve said your verses lack cohesion before but there was none of that here. Thought this was pretty good. The rhymes and flow feel a bit like a free flow stream of consciousness type of deal but it works.

Scar:
I much preferred your take on the topic. A reflection on the friendship between man and dog. I think it fit the mood of the picture a lot better. And the breed of dog. But beyond that,

No explanation of why we sent him there
Lie down! Play dead! How does this rendered fair?

With grace he strutted against the Appalachian backdrop
The trout sprouting as the prairie dogs raced to escape the red fox

Engaged in few words, a gift that’s ended
A magic rendered as man’s best friend

^ these lines have your voice. The one in the middle had some dope imagery.

And then if I’m being honest, I’m veeeeeerrrry suspicious that the rest was written by ChatGPT. There’s the single syllable rhymes, the grammar (use of semi colons, commas at the end of lines, and periods after a four bar stanza), and just the kind of good but soulless quality of the writing — none of which is your usual style.

I think you had a great idea for the piece and wrote a couple of good bars towards it, then ran out of time and outsourced the rest of it.

Voting for Halo. Even if I’m wrong about ChatGPT, the multi syllabic rhymes vs single syllables are a big factor for me, and I felt more of an emotional pull to Halo’s verse despite thinking he had the weaker take on the topic.

[fraze]

Originally Posted by brokenhal0

THE LIFE OF A PITBULL NAMED SCAR

Staring through the door,
Bearing what’s been lost,
Scratching lines are crossed,
Hair standing on my paws.
Scary silence sourced,
Stay barking at the bitches
While you stay fighting with your broads.
Cool opening stanza. Nice staccato flow even if the rhymes are a bit short.

I’m chained in the yard, like a prisoner of war,
My muscles are iron forged, crawl before I die,
And die before I crawl.
Defying nature’s laws until death’s deciding call,
I will kill any man or animal I come across.
Loyal to my owner, don’t care about the cause.
Do you dare to find the force?
It’s like I hit third base,
When I get that first taste of something dying in my jaws…the pitbull.
This was hard. Nice multis and gets the piece rolling

Man breeds for purpose and for fame, but I’m here to teach you loyalty and honor.
It’s insane how I remain silent amidst the pain respect comes in two ways: love or instant hate.
the moral of the story comes early i guess

Scar is at the gate,
Carved in twisted shape,
Another bulldog, limping in the rain,
Starved from what he takes.
Hours away from euthanasia,
Coming from an inbred litter,
prone to hip dysplasia.
Don’t look too deep
You’ll get put to sleep when the pitbulls shake ya.
the "meta"-metaphor of this rap battle expressed as a dog fight.

Scar’s heart beats in shock,
Then it seems to stop
A five hour battle of gameness,
Logged on ticking clocks.
Jaws begin to lock, jugulars begin to pop.
My opponent don’t quit, he just sits,
As his last breath drifts outside the box.
continuing the metaphor from previous stanza. dope how all of this works for both writing and a mike vick type fight club

This is how it ends.
Bliss is not your friend.
Dogs that twist until they bend,
Then they bite again.

You love the light they send.
I love my fighting friend.
Blood has marked this ground,
Flood the hollow sound.
Time to stud, the champion crowned,
Test your heart, best to start when the sun is down.
this section slows things down for me. rhyming is just ok with simple end rhymes and this doesn't add much to the story from what i can tell

Now I’m an old dog,
Slow to move at all,
Knowing what I bore,
Chosen to explore,
Just hoping for a treat,
Broken from what I saw.
My owner’s laying dead near an open refrigerator door,
Now I’m stuck here pissing and shitting on the floor.

Another pitbull,
Placed in a shelter and euthanized
What was I fighting for?
finally we tie back to the actual picture lol. and we bring back the theme from the central moral. i presume the answer is either for love or hate.

Originally Posted by Scar

“Where the antelopes play”

In the quiet corners of our shared days,
Where laughter lingers and sunlight plays,
Friendship weaves a tapestry fine,
Stitched with secrets, both yours and mine.
strong rhymes to start

Through storms that test and trials that bend,
A steadfast bond, not just a trend;
In whispered hopes and dreams we dare,
A sanctuary built with tender care.
No explanation of why we sent him there
Lie down! Play dead! How does this rendered fair?
rendered fair feels awkward. but this is cool in general

With honesty as the thread that binds,
We navigate the labyrinth of our minds;
In silence, we find comfort and grace,
A mirror reflecting each other's face.
With grace he strutted against the Appalachian backdrop
The trout sprouting as the prairie dogs raced to escape the red fox
this is a cool bit of flavor description. tells us a lot of bout the relationship between dog and master without needed to spell it out across paragraphs

As seasons shift and paths may part,
True friendship endures, a work of art;
In every chapter, it blooms anew,
A timeless melody, a faithful tune.
Engaged in few words, a gift that’s ended
A magic rendered as man’s best friend
solid rhyming but a bit predictable through the ending

brokenhal0, nice piece, I enjoyed the read. Very well done on the technical side, strong rhymes, a solid narative, and a few different creative flourishes with bringing your opponent into the verse. I didn't love the way you ended it, and I feel like it could have been more impactful with a little tighter editing in the middle sections. But none of that takes away from the overall piece. My only major criticism is a little pedantic, but it feels mostly like the picture was an afterthought to your story as the dog def isn't a pitbull and the scene is only connected at the end. You did enough with it to honor the spirt of the battle and I definitely believe in leaving some creative leeway, but it would have been nice to see you challenge yourself to find a few more ways to make the pic relevant.

Scar, you also wrote an enjoyable piece, just was unfortunately on the shorter side. You clearly have talent and I like what you did with your compact rhyming and descriptive language. I felt like the piece was starting to pick up steam in the next to last paragraph, but then it ended. The closing you picked felt almost like you ran out of time and just wrapped things up. It feels like you were setting up something bigger.

Vote: brokenhal0 I think this was a competitive battle as is but might have gone the other way if Scar had been able to flesh his piece out a little more. Halo did solid work all around so its hard to beat him with a significant disadvantage in line count. I didn't like some of the narrative decisions halo made so I feel like the was a little bit of an opening here. Both writers did a good job, but BH's piece felt more complete.

[Regulator]

-I really loved your piece bh but I was kind of confused when you brought up scar, are you saying that you and scar are the dogs? I liked your approach even tho your opponent had better vocabulary than you, I preferred your story man t han scar, a few grammar issues in scar's peace also
or maybe it was stylistic? broken halo had a better finish the imagery was on pont, "my owner's laying dead near, an open refrigerator door" I can almost imagine the dog being so hungry that it had to eat the owner, while lying in its own feces. scar bh had twice the content you had, which was kind of your fault since you seen the content first, which would have been fine if your piece had enough substance to out match the content broken halo brought, and vice versa if broken had no substance then the length wouldn't really matter, so I'm still going with broken halo, had the longer piece but I was entertained throughout the story.

MVGT brokenhalo

[PancakeBrah]

I vote for brokenhalo.

[Dominate]

Halo wins 5-1