TTT Round One: Candy vs Mike Wrecka

[sral]

The Topical Tourney 2024



Due Dates:
Verses this week are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:


@Candy @Mike Wrecka

[Candy]

check in

ob vs mj
wave vs mr

[Candy]

darkness falls on cherry hill
..

in a chasm a subtle crushendo blows
a whislting willow, a hollow oak groans
a leaf falls backward in its stroke of genius - it peels
like a cicada driping it shell to the floor by its heels
hell
the clouds are buckling genius
a suckling sappling of a duckling ducks for cover..
instead of being supper a peaking duck suchling for the lovers -of-

THE APOCOLYPSE
as its called..
theres always a man, and with this story its none the stranger
like a bum thumbing a vein of its blade - grass grains made of tree trunk by the manger
a lone star that never leave the scene too late to miss the anger its hording
like a horde of hornets sat in its bonnet
each comment vile honest vomit promises of dishonest sonnets and such long jeopardy

one day in march if i remember on little cherry hill,
after the plague got swept away by hooping cough, and cough medicine spilt
in the hoopla of everyday living like an every ready battery
the darkness crept, in the beds of the slept
it was between wepts like a web but not the blinks as if to think
for drama you caused, the poor you poured out on to the floor
for more pips cherry red virginity black and gold shine in white yours all yours
when you eat ontop of cherry hill

anywhoot

this man such a man
flawless advances with his sword drapping the grounds into seedless hell
the sounds of brimestone as he turns it infertile and unmounts the air to dirt paths we barely paved away to sell
tree trunk after tree trunk he swung - ambers
he was the woodsman they speak of we assume clamper oh we clampered
ash falls so generic like a pill we would make and name raspberry days after - laughter there was none

"this for your tarnished breath, in bad taste of sodomy alone-..
the hatred in your eyes that you make the branches swallow whole -..
you will be empty like the turkeys you are....
and like the demon spawn he is with no axe and our axis smashed he he he
finish even our drink water well with a crash of weapon crumbling it into what now looks like a shatter,scalped sku.l.l. bashed"..

and with that night was born - night night

the end

[sral]

@Mike Wrecka

[Mike Wrecka]

my opponents stay hopeless and stricken with fear,
in this moment I’m focused cause my mission is clear,
I recognize that my appearance and condition is weird,
committing violence as a voluntary prisoner here,
my story's purgatory, victims listen and spears,
are inserted into incisions through a collision of tears,
heard you say that I'm gone and have been missing for years,
but I never left your side my position is near,
every time that you cried and would wish I appeared,
I whispered back with wisdom that I WISHED you could hear,
but now I exist as a mere, echo of days in the past,
watched on in horror as you strayed from the path,
but anyone trying to do you harm will be facing my wrath
Im fully armed and attacking until their faces collapse,
facing the facts, I'm no longer here in a physical presence,
but serve as a protector in the form of a spiritual essence,
these visits are precious, even though I can't be heard,
conversations are more than just a transfer of words,
YOU never left my bedside after the cancer emerged,
gone but I won’t rest in peace, im a vigilante, disturbed,
so I stand with a purpose, your guardian angel,
and while foregoing heaven may be alarmingly shameful ,
to leave you would be painful, especially now,
that you have become interwoven with the wrong type of crowd,
storms and lighting clouds, incite me to fight these clowns,
since my memory is fading let me write this down ,
my daughter, your dad is ready for battle,
to your enemies I emerge as a demon in the shadows,
when they hear the rattle of shackles these thugs cant escape,
on the warpath after you were drugged and then raped,
this is no bluff I will break, all of their necks,
when I creep up and push them down all of their steps,
I know your sorta depressed but it's time to cheer up,
soon all your problems will be gone your dads had enough,
my opponents stay hopeless and stricken with fear,
in this moment I'm focused cause my mission is clear

[sral]

OPEN FOR VOTES!!!

[Etherwave]

Im not gonna lie, Edgar allan poe could've posted after the first poem, and I would've voted for Cherry Hill, period. I fell in love with it. Now, it could most certainly be polished, and edited, and corrected. But none of that took away from the world it built and the way it just rolled off my tongue when I read it out loud. Not to mention just thought it was cool the two who posted first and I wanted to be brave like them.


But, then, finally, after I waited SOOOO many Long hours (and had read cherry hill like, 46 times) There was another post. And I was quite surprised that there was competition, honestly this is the best battle so far and really closet match up. I Almost dare not even break them down they are honestly beyond my expertise.




Candy
darkness falls on cherry hill
..

[in a chasm a subtle crushendo blows]
I was immediately distracted by crushendo. I'm sorry I have a short attention span and, I didn't know if you meant crescendo, or if I was missing something. So I thought about it for a long time. Distracted. But then I read the whole thing and was like hmmmm. And then I read it out loud and it just, made more sense. So it's all good.
[a whislting willow, a hollow oak groans
a leaf falls backward in its stroke of genius - it peels
like a cicada driping it shell to the floor by its heels
hell] Again the like, spelling and grammar got my attention.
[the clouds are buckling genius
a suckling sappling of a duckling ducks for cover..
instead of being supper a peaking duck suchling for the lovers -of-] I thought about a suckling sappling of a duckling ducks for cover forever. It's my biggest problem with the piece. Ngl.


What I got from this first piece. Is a kind of panning out of the scenery around the character. Setting the energy and air and mood.

- [grass grains made of tree trunk by the manger
a lone star that never leave the scene too late to miss the anger its hording
like a horde of hornets sat in its bonnet
each comment vile honest vomit promises of dishonest sonnets and such long jeopardy] This is my favorite part!

The other trouble I have, is the ending, I just believed it needed.....IT DESERVED a little more of a dignified ending.
Kind of felt like you was like, well I guess that's a good place to end it. And just said the end. But chefs kiss regardless. Thanks for cooking that up for us.


This was my least favorite picture ngl. Even less than the robots :( but the pieces that yall came up with were amazing


Mike wrecka

This was a really good, and like, moving piece. I got the impression (and please forgive me for rushing through this part as I'm just about to get off work and go to sleep. It takes nothing away from how much I really enjoyed the piece) that it was the story of someone's anger and rage building up over time until they others couldn't recognize them, and eventually, they couldn't even recognize themselves once they boiled over to completely consumed by their rage. I got the sense that there was some sort of dissociation. And while his inner world wants the best the only thing that's really left of him is violence and rage. And he thinks the lessons he wants to teach but he's on autopilot. But the very one thing he can do is be a protector and that's all he's made up of anymore. If that makes any sense. Amywho, beautiful, very well written. The grammar and spelling not at all distracting.


...that being said, it pains me to vote on this but imma be a good sport.

I gotta vote for Candy. I felt much more connected to the piece. Unfortunately, I had much longer to become familiar with it. And I just very much enjoyed the "voice" of it. Yours was a tad bit more rappy to me.

Not that that's a bad thing. I just personally preferred the more, theatrical, and dramatic in this setting, than the relatable and personal vibe of Mike's (your) super amazing piece

[symetrik]

Candy:

I strive to be cohesive, and as you know from the past, this causes me to struggle with how you write your pieces. Even looking past the grammar/spelling errors (which is not to say the errors themselves are an issue, but when I have to spend time thinking about "what word did they mean here?" it detracts from the piece - although I love a thinker, something a reread doesn't hurt, I don't love something a reread is required for), I still heavily struggle to find the rhythm, the flow of the piece (not that it needs to be rap-like necessarily, but I pride myself in my flow and I have yet to connect with yours).

All that said, I also think this is a slightly more cohesive piece than what I've seen from you in the past - although it still flits and flies all over the place, from ducks to virginity to woodsmen to demons to a lot of trees... it at least tries to stay cohesive in its "mood setting" of the picture. While this is a good aspect, I also feel it never truly lands enough on the topic and instead sets the background/surrounding atmosphere for the topic.

Likewise, the emotions of the author seem to alternate between semi-serious to frivolous - speaking of plagues and darkness, webs, demon spawn, brimstone, and then (what I assume are light attempts at comedic relief) things like "anywhoot" and "night night", "duckling ducks for cover", etc. which feel wholly out of place and disruptive to the previously-mentioned-understanding of the piece: atmosphere setting.

Moving in a direction that will appeal to me, but all said: keep doing you. I think we'll click at some point, but it may be awhile.


Mike:
Great piece, connected to the topic in an unexpected way, and maintains a focus on that (coercing the topic to not be about some demonic creature and instead about the rage and anger). Emotional content as well which is buy-in for some/many of the fathers here. I regret listening to the music as it sort of dictated how I read your piece, but also... I wish your opponent had music that told me how to read theirs.

I like the little back and forth of loyalty - daughter's to dad, dad's to daughter.

While the central theme (causing the anger) is big, I think it was the weakest point of the piece, as the rest of it didn't feel like it embodied the rage and anger an (abstract, character) father would feel - not to malign anyone's experiences, whatever they may be.

That said, a lot of great points and smooth transitions of the story when I reread and actively looked for them: purgatory, the feeling of having been unable to protect and the dread of being unable to do anything, and likely the dread of any justice system working, passing away and acting as a spiritual guardian, being careful to show the father enacting vengeance in ways that a spirit might, etc.

Very clean piece, some small things that didn't quite click for me, but negligible.

mvgt Mike

[Master Rock]

I plan on voting for this one first. I’ll edit in my vote in here, but this one’s gonna take some time. I might have to read both verses at least three times.

[brokenhal0]

Candy:

This is one of my favorite styles of yours, a true showing of a personal style done with precise hip-hop execution. It reminded me of some older Warcloud verses in the way you make moody abstract wording concepts rhyme while playing with the listener's perception. There is obviously the typical Candy filler that, while not a big deal, throws off the tightness of what you're saying. Nonetheless, good shit.

Mike Wrecka:

One of the better pieces I've seen from you. Everything was clean and executed with precision from start to finish. I feel like your competitor had more style than you and showed a bit more technique. Both of you had good concepts; yours was much stronger in terms of starting and finishing your point.

Vote = Mike Wrecka

Candy's first two paragraphs were my favorite, to be honest, but it fell off a bit in places. In terms of being a true tourney vote, it didn't hit as many checks as Mike Wrecka, whose rhyme, while a bit less stylish, was cleaner and more conceptually realized.

[Regulator]

Candy
The rhyme schemes in the beginning is forced like near buckling/ duckling that whole section had forced rhyme schemes, it kind of gets better and I can see you have got better overall as a writer, just polish up them rhyme scheme.

Mike
From the opening two lines I can already tell I'm going to like your piece better than your opponents, voluntary prison was dope, you was able to carry on that scheme for several lines without it loosing depth, not liking the ending, as you wasted a good spot by repeating the same thing, overall this was a good drop.

V/ mike

His piece seemed less lazy, a lot of candy seemed rushed together, and a lot of I'm going to write this just because it rhymes.

[Dope girl]

Nice work from both of you guys
both vs very nice and smooth
Deep work from both
I felt like Mike deeper compare to Candy

vote-Mike

[Objective]

Candy - I like the picture you're painting in the first stanza, I would however try to not repeat words so close to each other. The word "genius" is said twice in 3 lines for example. Also having a slight issue understanding where you'll be going with this, but I definitely appreciate the improvements I keep saying you do on the rhyming. Internals and I can tel you've spent some time on this as opposed to earlier works I've seen from you.

The Apocalypse, hell yeah. I also enjoy the imagery of cherry hill. Starting to see where the topic comes into play now.

In regards of repeating words here is an example of it being done right imo:
he was the woodsman they speak of we assume clamper oh we clampered
^Repeating "clamper" adds on to it all it doesn't seem repetitive, you're underlining it with purpose with "oh we clampered". Good stuff.

All in all this is yet another written of yours that has surpassed your earlier work for me. I've really enjoyed watching you progress over the years and there's still tons of potential there. I feel like you're finally starting to settle in with a style that feels more and more like yours.

Mike Wrecka - First 4 lines straight to the point, fluid and painting a picture I relate to the topic given as well.

YOU never left my bedside after the cancer emerged,
^Damn, that's rough.

Ye, don't really got much to add on or highlight as the story as a whole is pretty easily degiestible, is a solid write up and just is what it is. You build character and plot development throughout, a pretty dark and depressive story told well and that's about it.

Vote - Mike Wrecka. He's simply the more experienced and seasoned writer of the two and it shows, but that should not detract from Candy's obvious improvements in writing as of late. Good showing from both.