ATT Round One: Dominate vs Candy - OPEN FOR VOTES!

[sral]

Welcome, boils and ghouls, to the AOWL TAKEOVER TOURNAMENT 2024!

We have eight competitors with their eye on the semi-finals round. Only four will progress. Do you have what it takes to survive?

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:




@Candy @Dominate

[Dominate]

Alright alright alright

[Candy]

cheggety check

mmlp vs inno
hv vs eth
scar vs sy

[Candy]

The Silent Arabian Night
..

Three kings surrender to three wise men
eyes wide open soaks hope in opium
dopeamines mime stencil outlines render
dark shades and hues, waves of death ment to..

to what die like you (1)
or
live like you was

To when you went once (2)
because
were softer drugs

TO bump our crowns because you called them unfit (3)
mine sits a hat, fact cuz

the wind blows, swifts into shivers of legalization
sterilization of the mind wither like a silent Arabian night shone
our flesh melts like a mid life crisis in a come down of victory
spinin heroin lids in snow cones like ice cream delivery
probably wake up in another diamond field
maybe a rape dungeon of the kings first daughters wield

1 men says to 2 - 3

i remember yes, one was called Hiedi
Jennifer no jen - Oh heidei the seeming silly hill girl from way back went - tidy
but in the mud of a field like she never lifted a pale to drink the ale she fetched by the mornings breath to the afternoons death to the dawns jest our fresh her flesh pronounced herself is in goosebumps italics bold you could almost curve her curves in cursives if even the dirt wasnt too dirty
any whoot dooty
3 states
through the blah blah is head spins possessed by the power..
rainbow effect clouds cover the dessert - stretch and reshape as his head spins like a pig.. forming the word coward..

1,2
1..1-2

it wasnt long to the rest followed..

the three kings ponder life and such on a timeless bender
in a sleepless town where you only come down when you ment to
but life hasnt to that way as they dies in the skulls..flesh - scalp - immortalized
and they need to escape or their kingdom will will crumble immoralized
everything spins backwards on a spindle of unwound never stripped
the bars slowly drip like wedges of dried paint ripped in the rip

it takes the three of them to break apart the bars
as they walk from the dungeon to the dinner room to the outside stars
the kingdom shrivels with the rape dungeon afar

like their first born son jafar they scream as their first and last breath in and word (sun)

melts every essence of shelter and molds it to their flesh until they form rock
their crown pops in and out and fuse their heads into the wisemens lost nigger blues shocked through and through cost
and sets the sun on a scenic last kiss for their wives each six had 9

the day they became (one)

and the sun sunk behind the desert beyond never again

[Dominate]

“Detachment”

It isn’t quite peace - more like an emptiness, floating
A ghost ship, listing. Adrift in an infinite ocean
The world becomes a blur in the grip of centripetal motion -
Thoughts circling inwards until you’re too dizzy to focus
Emotions like faded photos in drawer that never gets opened
Hidden in their quiet prison. Unseen, and better unspoken
It’s raindrops on the window. Double glazed and cool to the touch
Softened reflections. Colour and edges; muted and smudged
Dulling the senses. Sleepwalking, but lucid enough
Bowed to the pull of indifference, and so secure in the numbness
It’s..
Hollowness in places where you used to find endorphin highs
Connections now just relics from a distant time, a former life
Exchanges turn mechanical - singing silent chorus lines
Retreat inside a robot mind as if it’s mighty morphin time
It’s social skills on winter rations. Muscle memory interactions
Twist the dial back and forth, there’s only intermittent static
Apathy’s a cancer but it’s progress is asymptomatic
Hollow brick by hollow brick, you build your walls up single handed
Something lost in every stone
Quickly bordering numberless
Until you’re sitting all alone
In your fortress of nothingness

[Headless Verseman]

h

[Etherwave]

Candy, I don't know what people are saying when they speak of your eccentric motion. I personally love the dramatic nature of your creative flow. At moments it can go off the rails but I like that even. It's part of your energy and unique to you. Like a signature.

One of my favorite parts: To when you went once (2)
because
were softer drugs

TO bump our crowns because you called them unfit (3)
mine sits a hat, fact cuz

the wind blows, swifts into shivers of legalization
sterilization of the mind wither like a silent Arabian night shone
our flesh melts like a mid life crisis in a come down of victory
spinin heroin lids in snow cones like ice cream delivery.

I can see where some may be thrown off but I read everything with a dramatic narrator in my brain so it's like a play. I fuck with it.

Dominate

I believe this is my first read of you and I really liked it! This flowed very well together and I can't wait to see more from you!

It isn’t quite peace - more like an emptiness, floating
A ghost ship, listing. Adrift in an infinite ocean
The world becomes a blur in the grip of centripetal motion -
Thoughts circling inwards until you’re too dizzy to focus

Off to a really great start! Strong entrance. And it was consistent throughout. Though some grammar made my mind wander a bit I stayed in tune and enjoyed to the end.

Candy I really love your style! But I don't want to be biased and I really think Dom took this one imo I have to vite for the consistency here.

Mvgt Dominate.

[Scar]

Candy - I actually appreciate your abstract nonsense. Does it make for a fun read? No. It’s a jumble of Of word salad that is nearly impossible to decipher

“the wind blows, swifts into shivers of legalization“

Like wtf? As a result I have no idea what u are talking about and don’t want to overthink on a weekend.

Dom - I diggit. Just a bit confused on how I should make out the line about blurred photos locked in a drawer. Nice and poetic but it made little sense to me. How would the author know the photo was blurred if it’s locked up. Then you formed a whole concept on it but my mind was distracted to the original inquiry. No big deal but word I like this. It’s poetic without being weird like candy.

Vote/Dom. Just a better substantial effort.

[symetrik]

mvgt Dom

as it always goes for my votes on Candy's pieces... I enjoy that you are dedicated to the way you wanna write, and I encourage you to keep doing it,
but you will always be losing my vote because of it - shit just flops all over the place, is chaotic and not structured in the way I hope it to be, and even with my best attempt, I can't FIND the structure.

sigh.

Dom -
best lines:
The world becomes a blur in the grip of centripetal motion -
Thoughts circling inwards until you’re too dizzy to focus
Emotions like faded photos in drawer that never gets opened
Hidden in their quiet prison. Unseen, and better unspoken

there were other dope lines, but this was smooth af. very clear connection from line to line, and mostly great flow + great rhyme.

I also like how you connected this to the topic, less literal, and more a play on "detachment" - dope.

[Dope girl]

Candy verse had great enjoyment
Personals tight
Dom had great details with tittle
meaning nicely done


vote-Candy

[Inno]

Candy

It's been a while since I've read a candy verse. I gotta say you have this erratic yet very poetic style, I dig it. But this was to erratic to really get into. Through out this whole piece I felt like every time I was getting into your words you either ended lines with nonsensical phrases. Other times it felt like you simply rhymed for the sake of rhyming. I think that is what out me off to this piece. And honestly you lost me on the whole rape dungeon idea. Overall sold piece but I don't yoi had enough to win this battle. Thanks for the read



Dom

Ok so you I definitely enjoyed reading this piece. To me it had this depth and profound nature to it. Solid rhymes and a cohesive flow from top to bottom. Tbh though looking at the topic I can't really find a connection. Also although you had dope lines through out the entire piece. To me it felt like for the most part, from line to line they didn't connect to each other. As I read it it felt each line stood alone and didn't gel together. I hope that makes sense lol.


Overall

Honestly this felt closer than it looks. I think Dom gets my vote simple because his rhyming and flow was just level ahead of candy'. I fell like if candy would of made a bit more sense to me he would of got my vote. But im gonna give this one to Dom.

Thanks for the read fellas enjoyed both verses.

[MMLP]

Candy, formatted oddly. gets a mark for originality but comes across as jarring on the first read. the Cadence is definitely there to start with but its a lil too muddled to get to grips with, rhyming patterns were scattered throughout. feels like a 2015 Eminem verse at times

feels like the story comes full circle, that's what the numbering in particular highlighted to me.

a lot of phrases didn't connect but "The sun sunk behind the desert" was GREAT tho, I have to say. saved the verse.

this feels beatable however


Dominate - very nice stanza to open, nitpicking but "a drawer" is probably what u were going for here, but it landed. the piece flowed smoothly after that with the exception of the closer.
pretty grim piece in truth but that was the intention and well executed I have to say. Butter smooth

felt like the final four lines could of meshed into two lines, to bring it home, If there is a flaw from a writers perspective, again nitpicking. Enjoyed the read however

v/ Dominate, less is more

[sral]

CLOSING THIS ONE IN FAVOUR OF DOM. FEEDBACK WILL BE IN THE MAGAZINE