if you never say goodbye

dead man · 10-13-2020, 12:45 AM

simple

safety latch. the basement ballroom
dancing wolves to leaky cauldrons
great exalted, ye of faithful fortune. make me wanted
if you wish. i've traced
you often onto desktops with a razor from
my father's cupboard. made you paper cranes and
bought you supper. sent you love in silent wonder
whisper me your darkness i could shiver
here for years and smile. listen to you wax romance
through rotary receiver dial
how do you mean? i ask this every night
a coward in sheepskin. chained ourselves
to any missing link evolving between us
count me in, coach i'm ready to play. set in my praises
dreaming of some end-stage we may
never attain. i placed an envelope on our gravestones
with a letter that i copy and pasted
all it said, more or less
was see you later

El Muffin · 10-13-2020, 12:51 AM

This was a quirky one

Something about the way you were doing those continuations that made it “ quirky “ for me

Probably just the mongoloid way I’ve been indoctrinated into perceiving a verse Cause most of your shit is beyond fluid. So obviously it’s intentional . That being said? Good stuff as always . I’m more so ridiculing my own perspective

El Muffin · 10-13-2020, 12:52 AM

My apologies. Yeah I should of approached it different .

I see what you are doing

corleone · 10-13-2020, 02:00 AM

^ true crackhead.

cool verse.

dead man · 10-14-2020, 09:52 PM

lol no apology necessary muffin thanks

Pharaohs Army · 10-15-2020, 12:12 AM

This reads more like an unpolished note when compared to some of your bangers. Few spots had rhyme droughts as well. Don't know if I'm a fan of the disjointed lines.

Don't take that the wrong way. You've got all the talent to make a better one.

big baby · 10-16-2020, 07:07 PM

lol dm
you didn't put the rhyme in the end of the line

so it not good and it doesn't rhyme apparently

ppl stoop af.

anyway, loved this! message+content> rhyme scheme any day of the damn week.

always loved the nostalgia you nested in each little writing you let us read. great stuff as yujual.

i will admit you seemed to chsnge up the thematic element towards the end but stayed on guard and focused. was dope. thanks for lighting the scene

dead man · 10-17-2020, 12:31 AM

Love ya bb

10-13-2020, 12:45 AM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	if you never say goodbye simple safety latch. the basement ballroom dancing wolves to leaky cauldrons great exalted, ye of faithful fortune. make me wanted if you wish. i've traced you often onto desktops with a razor from my father's cupboard. made you paper cranes and bought you supper. sent you love in silent wonder whisper me your darkness i could shiver here for years and smile. listen to you wax romance through rotary receiver dial how do you mean? i ask this every night a coward in sheepskin. chained ourselves to any missing link evolving between us count me in, coach i'm ready to play. set in my praises dreaming of some end-stage we may never attain. i placed an envelope on our gravestones with a letter that i copy and pasted all it said, more or less was see you later __________________ Zack Wicks for president

10-13-2020, 12:51 AM	#2
El Muffin DOHpe since 02' Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Surrounded by white ppl Posts: 14,690 Battle Record: 43-24 Champed - Netcees Battle League - 1-2 Punch Onslaught - 1-2 Punch League - Hot or Thot Roast - Hot or Thot 2018 - Fight Night 11 - NPL Roast Rep Power: 34230535	This was a quirky one Something about the way you were doing those continuations that made it “ quirky “ for me Probably just the mongoloid way I’ve been indoctrinated into perceiving a verse Cause most of your shit is beyond fluid. So obviously it’s intentional . That being said? Good stuff as always . I’m more so ridiculing my own perspective __________________ It’s like weed in Highschool- w/ the cans I’ll smoke you Bitch I floss . I Got the chain out to see like Constantinople

10-13-2020, 12:52 AM	#3
El Muffin DOHpe since 02' Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Surrounded by white ppl Posts: 14,690 Battle Record: 43-24 Champed - Netcees Battle League - 1-2 Punch Onslaught - 1-2 Punch League - Hot or Thot Roast - Hot or Thot 2018 - Fight Night 11 - NPL Roast Rep Power: 34230535	My apologies. Yeah I should of approached it different . I see what you are doing __________________ It’s like weed in Highschool- w/ the cans I’ll smoke you Bitch I floss . I Got the chain out to see like Constantinople

10-13-2020, 02:00 AM	#4
corleone Shakespearian Dialect Join Date: Mar 2020 Location: Brooklyn, NY --> Allentown, PA Posts: 1,022 Battle Record: 0-3 Rep Power: 0	^ true crackhead. cool verse. __________________

10-14-2020, 09:52 PM	#5
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	lol no apology necessary muffin thanks __________________ Zack Wicks for president

10-15-2020, 12:12 AM	#6
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	This reads more like an unpolished note when compared to some of your bangers. Few spots had rhyme droughts as well. Don't know if I'm a fan of the disjointed lines. Don't take that the wrong way. You've got all the talent to make a better one.

10-17-2020, 12:31 AM	#8
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	Love ya bb __________________ Zack Wicks for president