nobody's beautiful

dead man · 02-24-2020, 01:23 AM

charcoal city
black ivy lattice crawling through brick
imagine waking up one day and calling it quits
fortune teller crystal ball in his fist, charlatan mystic
all my children play apostle for Christmas. toss me your wish
watch me repress it, call me a taxi
i'm headed wherever
long abandoned that theory we'd turn out better together
sensitive kid in search of empath. remember the times
we fucked and then hated ourselves the rest of the night
heavy burden i am, street urchin stuck in a room
headlining empty rooms until there's nothing to prove
proselytize my concubine like summery blues
when all I've seen for months is stone and rubber and glue
call me collect. this payphone works for dollars and cents
i'm a marketing gimmick who's target audience left
pardon me, this is the only part of me which
truly wants to die but can't be bothered to slip
spirits in my liver let me talk to my friends
who will never see the sun again but want to repent
holy homily we're far from the shore, we swam into storms
gasping for air. christ i barely even laugh anymore
black-robe phantom horrorshow a ghastly galore
pill-popping 20 years to battle panic disorder
gravity falls
city lights forgotten forests and snow
you've cried me a river. now build me a boat
ropes tied onto harbor gates we floated in unison
so ugly when i look inside that nobody's beautiful
total luminescence gritty grimy perverse
90 gigahertz per mile we jog from hospice to church
slow it
down

Pharaohs Army · 02-26-2020, 01:08 AM

imagine waking up one day and calling it quits
toss me your wish
watch me repress it, call me a taxi
remember the times we fucked and then hated ourselves the rest of the night
proselytize my concubine like summery blues
call me collect.
pardon me
now build me a boat
slow it
down

I hope I didn't miss any, but I've italicized the parts where you as a writer implore EITHER the reader OR a character (who is likely female) to "do something"

It's an interesting way to make a verse more relatable IMO

That's my feed on this.

I'd also like to say this piece is very dead man.
If I didn't know the author but was reading long abandoned that theory we'd turn out better together I'd say "that's dead man right there"

Anyway, keep em comin man

dull boy · 02-27-2020, 02:32 PM

Enjoyable as always.

Exis · 02-29-2020, 07:12 AM

My son loved this part...

imagine waking up one day and calling it quits
fortune teller crystal ball in his fist, charlatan mystic
all my children play apostle for Christmas. toss me your wish

He's 8 so yeah...Nice piece bro, My child thinks you're awesome.

Eŋg · 02-29-2020, 02:23 PM

unexpectedly wholesome feed. that was nice.

dead man · 02-29-2020, 03:52 PM

Lmao thanks ex shoutout to your kid

I remember wise saying he read something I posted to his sister and she was shaking her head lol

Oh well

Eŋg · 03-01-2020, 07:17 AM

my girl overheard me reading one of your pieces aloud, years ago, mistaking it for mine.

she said my writing had taken a decidedly obscure turn.

i secretly died inside a bit at the notion.

didn't bother to correct her.

(i did.)

Exis · 03-01-2020, 06:32 PM

Lol...

Live heat · 03-02-2020, 09:55 PM

I am admittedly a dead man cuck and I nutted to this text on some asexual sexual shit

Everybody here emulates

I want to create a style like this but I’m too lazy

Sorry

02-24-2020, 01:23 AM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	nobody's beautiful charcoal city black ivy lattice crawling through brick imagine waking up one day and calling it quits fortune teller crystal ball in his fist, charlatan mystic all my children play apostle for Christmas. toss me your wish watch me repress it, call me a taxi i'm headed wherever long abandoned that theory we'd turn out better together sensitive kid in search of empath. remember the times we fucked and then hated ourselves the rest of the night heavy burden i am, street urchin stuck in a room headlining empty rooms until there's nothing to prove proselytize my concubine like summery blues when all I've seen for months is stone and rubber and glue call me collect. this payphone works for dollars and cents i'm a marketing gimmick who's target audience left pardon me, this is the only part of me which truly wants to die but can't be bothered to slip spirits in my liver let me talk to my friends who will never see the sun again but want to repent holy homily we're far from the shore, we swam into storms gasping for air. christ i barely even laugh anymore black-robe phantom horrorshow a ghastly galore pill-popping 20 years to battle panic disorder gravity falls city lights forgotten forests and snow you've cried me a river. now build me a boat ropes tied onto harbor gates we floated in unison so ugly when i look inside that nobody's beautiful total luminescence gritty grimy perverse 90 gigahertz per mile we jog from hospice to church slow it down __________________ Zack Wicks for president

02-29-2020, 03:52 PM	#6
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	Lmao thanks ex shoutout to your kid I remember wise saying he read something I posted to his sister and she was shaking her head lol Oh well __________________ Zack Wicks for president

02-26-2020, 01:08 AM	#2
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	imagine waking up one day and calling it quits toss me your wish watch me repress it, call me a taxi remember the times we fucked and then hated ourselves the rest of the night proselytize my concubine like summery blues call me collect. pardon me now build me a boat slow it down I hope I didn't miss any, but I've italicized the parts where you as a writer implore EITHER the reader OR a character (who is likely female) to "do something" It's an interesting way to make a verse more relatable IMO That's my feed on this. I'd also like to say this piece is very dead man. If I didn't know the author but was reading long abandoned that theory we'd turn out better together I'd say "that's dead man right there" Anyway, keep em comin man

02-27-2020, 02:32 PM	#3
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,053 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345604	Enjoyable as always.

02-29-2020, 07:12 AM	#4
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	My son loved this part... imagine waking up one day and calling it quits fortune teller crystal ball in his fist, charlatan mystic all my children play apostle for Christmas. toss me your wish He's 8 so yeah...Nice piece bro, My child thinks you're awesome.

02-29-2020, 02:23 PM	#5
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	unexpectedly wholesome feed. that was nice.

03-01-2020, 07:17 AM	#7
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	my girl overheard me reading one of your pieces aloud, years ago, mistaking it for mine. she said my writing had taken a decidedly obscure turn. i secretly died inside a bit at the notion. didn't bother to correct her. (i did.)

03-01-2020, 06:32 PM	#8
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Lol...

03-02-2020, 09:55 PM	#9
Live heat Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2019 Posts: 117 Rep Power: 0	I am admittedly a dead man cuck and I nutted to this text on some asexual sexual shit Everybody here emulates I want to create a style like this but I’m too lazy Sorry